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Original poster

To feel royally pissed off by H comment

112 replies

PickUpAPenguinn · 27/06/2024 19:07

I finally got enough evidence from various referrals to state that DS5 meets threshold for extra support beyond what the school is providing. And the school agreed to support the EHC application today in our meeting. The school tell me today that due to getting final report that says DS meets threshold - that they would hope we are successful in an EHC application

I have spent years doing referrals, school meetings, coping when DS wasn't able to go to nursery. It's so slow and frustrating. He's still on two waiting lists. I've got him private speech and language etc etc.

Anyway, today I came home to say we had this breakthrough that I had everything we needed and school support.

H has never been to a meeting. Doesn't understand or care to understand the process. He's just about understood what an EHC is but barely. He doesn't know what's going on!!

I work longer hours than H by the way.

H said to me tonight that it was good news and "great you've done this but also we need to stop outsourcing parenting by filling in forms to get other people to help. We need to teach DS how to interact with people, catch him up with his reading, in a way - we need to stop being lazy parents and do it ourselves and stop relying on forms and funding"

I said I didn't feel lazy at all and I've spent many evenings and hours on this stuff. And I do help DS myself too but I finish work at 5, pick DS up, then v hard to squeeze in lots of extra reading as he's got SEN and he's just been at school for 9 hours and he's 5 - so dinner, telly, bed, bath, book, bed - feels like enough!

H said I'm being defensive. I do get his point. Maybe I need to do more myself and not rely on school. But I felt so happy today I've finally got all the necessary evidence, school support etc and I just thought H would be happier.

Am I being overly sensitive? I'm exhausted and its hot so v possible!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 27/06/2024 20:19

He sounds like a complete wanker.

Is he?

What an idiot - ‘drawing a line’ at ear defenders for a 5-year-old. Jesus wept.

Does he have redeeming qualities, OP?

HappierTimesAhead · 27/06/2024 20:19

If there was a Wanker emoji that would be my entire response....

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 27/06/2024 20:18

PickUpAPenguinn · 27/06/2024 20:06

He was really bloody lecturing me and I just went silent. I was feeling so positive when he got home, like I'm finally making headway and getting support. I went quiet and he said I was being sensitive. He's not in denial about DS - but he definitely thinks we are not trying hard enoivh to fix it. He has also "drawn a red line at ear defenders" and won't let DS have them. He can be such an arsehole!

In my experience, some stuff regarding ASD and ND in general can be worked on- social cues, impulse control, diet- trying new foods- it’s bloody hard at times but my now teenage son has made headway on stuff I never, ever thought he would when I look back on how he was at 5.

Sensory overload not so much. My
son tries so hard to use his coping strategies but really, what harm are ear defenders (for example) to anyone else? Is your husband embarrassed that your child “looks ND” in public? I think my ex is embarrassed by the things that make our son stand out and while it makes me sad it also just makes me think my ex is a thick, shallow moron. He’s missing out on having a better bond and a better time with his son by fixating over shit that doesn’t matter.

Slattern77 · 27/06/2024 20:18

Urgh. Well, at least he acknowledges it. My ex won’t budge from the “they’re fine” line. FFS!

Livelaughlurgy · 27/06/2024 20:17

Are both of you teachers? How are you supposed to help without the requisite expertise? Also you helping in the evenings isn't going to help him for the hours he's at school. He's a disgrace.

PeloMom · 27/06/2024 20:17

Ask him what’s been stopping him all this time . What a twat

atticstage · 27/06/2024 20:15

PickUpAPenguinn · 27/06/2024 20:06

He was really bloody lecturing me and I just went silent. I was feeling so positive when he got home, like I'm finally making headway and getting support. I went quiet and he said I was being sensitive. He's not in denial about DS - but he definitely thinks we are not trying hard enoivh to fix it. He has also "drawn a red line at ear defenders" and won't let DS have them. He can be such an arsehole!

You're not being sensitive, he's being a prick.

Where does he get his information from about this? He sounds like someone who's regurgitating the Daily Mail without any critical thinking.

Badbearday · 27/06/2024 20:14

He won’t let your child have ear defenders?

Would he not let your child use crutches if they’d broken a leg or had a condition that made walking difficult.

What an absolute twat!

Why wouldn’t you use an available aid to help your son cope? Jesus! Honestly, your poor kid. That’s made me so angry.

Also, it sounds like you’ve done your bit getting him the extra help in school-no small feat on its own. You’ve clearly done lots of work on this.

Wheres his research on strategies to help? What does he suggest? How is he helping in an evening? Does he do any of this stuff? What strategies is he going to put in place?

You're doing fantastic OP. What an achievement. Don’t let him take away your shine. We celebrate every win at ours big or small & this isn’t small.

Original poster
PickUpAPenguinn · 27/06/2024 20:10

Sorry I should have said "hard enough to fix things" in his language and not how I view it at all

I think some of it is specific to DS, but also generally he dismisses my efforts on other stuff that I do. He says he's not being dismissive, just being honest, but it always makes me feel like rubbish.

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 27/06/2024 20:09

"He has also "drawn a red line at ear defenders" and won't let DS have them"

@PickUpAPenguinn this is denial.

Original poster
PickUpAPenguinn · 27/06/2024 20:06

He was really bloody lecturing me and I just went silent. I was feeling so positive when he got home, like I'm finally making headway and getting support. I went quiet and he said I was being sensitive. He's not in denial about DS - but he definitely thinks we are not trying hard enoivh to fix it. He has also "drawn a red line at ear defenders" and won't let DS have them. He can be such an arsehole!

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 27/06/2024 20:03

Good lord, I’m surprised you didn’t give him a piece of your mind. Sounds like he’s assuaging his own guilt by minimising the value of what you’ve achieved. Tell him to crack on with it.

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 27/06/2024 19:56

Honestly? I’d want to fucking kill him with my bare hands for that ridiculous bollocks he’s spouting. He’s not been involved at all with any of this stuff, it’s fucking hard: the meetings, gathering of evidence to back up what is being said, the endless focus on what your child can’t do, the worry for the future… and this prick is implying you’re lazy?

Fuck him, sounds like a shit dad.

Ap42 · 27/06/2024 19:53

Your husband sounds like a complete knob! And obviously has no idea how much work it is having a child with sen. My ex partner is very much the same with our 12 year old son. I would be furious too over those comments. Well done on the ehcp! That's a huge battle to fight.

atticstage · 27/06/2024 19:52

"outsourcing parenting"? He thinks an EHCP is "outsourcing parenting"?

I can see why he's a H and not a DH. I think you're being very restrained.

Couldyounot · 27/06/2024 19:50

YANBU, OP. I would have snapped him in half.

Devilsmommy · 27/06/2024 19:47

Marblessolveeverything · 27/06/2024 19:41

Ah so he, unqualified, non-invested, non engaged is going to and I apologise for this phrase "teach out the SEN" ?

Tell me your husband is an ignorant fuck without saying he is an ignorant fuck.

👏👏👏

Aria999 · 27/06/2024 19:42

Zanatdy · 27/06/2024 19:33

Well I’d tell him he’s more than welcome to crack on every evening

Yes, this!

Marblessolveeverything · 27/06/2024 19:41

Ah so he, unqualified, non-invested, non engaged is going to and I apologise for this phrase "teach out the SEN" ?

Tell me your husband is an ignorant fuck without saying he is an ignorant fuck.

Zanatdy · 27/06/2024 19:33

Well I’d tell him he’s more than welcome to crack on every evening

Moonshine5 · 27/06/2024 19:31

1down · 27/06/2024 19:17

Tell him to get fucked.

You are doing exactly the right thing for your child. Getting the additional help he needs to make sure he can succeed.

This.
Your DC5 needs the expertise

Merryoldgoat · 27/06/2024 19:29

What an absolute piece.

INeedAnotherName · 27/06/2024 19:27

in a way - we need to stop being lazy parents and do it ourselves and stop relying on forms and funding"

So what does he do in way of parenting? How much extra does he do while you are form filling and reading up about your child's condition? Or does he think DS will grow out of it?

gamerchick · 27/06/2024 19:24

Man, I wanted to twat him reading that and that's off one post.

Tell him to fill his boots, that yes he is a lazy parent and what's stopping him and carry on with what you're doing. I wouldn't take him to any meeting or he might sabotage them.

MonsteraMama · 27/06/2024 19:23

HE might be a lazy parent but you most definitely are not! Tell him so, he's welcome to step up and join you in being an active parent to his child any day he chooses, but until he does so, he can button his fucking face hole about anything parenting related.