Ending friendships post having DC?

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if they aren't willing to pick up where u left off IF you eventually want to get back into the mix then they arent your sort of people anyway.

Other people, whether they have children or not, are not going to be prepared to just hang around being picked up and dumped at the whim of a new parent. As someone who was phased out quickly by pregnant friends for daring to be infertile, by the time they've contacted me a few years down the line wanting to pick up where they left off....I'm the one who has moved on. It's just basic respect and if you don't have any for friends, then they are quickly gong to stop bothering with you and concentrate on other friends.

I did a lot of BBQs, group meet-ups for my birthday, mixing up friendship groups at the drop of a hat to try and stay connected while acknowledging I didn't have as much time and energy as I used to have.

Also did a LOT of pizza at mine with my closest pals to save on babysitting.

They appreciated it, I appreciated them, 20 years on those are the friendships that have sustained me.

Re-prioritise and do things differently by all means, but don't drop your real friends.

Can you have a summer BBQ and get everyone out of the way at once? Explain you are running out of time.

Me too. Good friends will understand that you have other priorities, but it’s a bit much to drop them & then expect them to be there for you however many years later.

Dont be too quick to sack them off!

You never know what's around the corner...

Agree with this. Sounds very harsh when someone having a busy time with a house and new baby and just asking advice

I'm not a parent bit most of my friends are. In the baby and small children years, we weren't I touch much other than birthdays and Christmas, and one or two other meet-ups. 2 decades on, all those babies are leaving home, and people are much more sociable again.

Unless they're really stupid, they won't be surprised to take a back seat for the next few years. And you might appreciate them in future years. So don't burn your bridges.

Bit much. OP is in doubt and trying to navigate a difficult time.

I would be prepared for the new mum friends to dry up once mat leaves ends/people go back to work. That naturally happens for a good few (but not all). But I don't think you are being unreasonable, I think priorities can change once small people enter your lives and free time is more of a commodity.

I think it's really important to protect friendships that mean alot to you if poss. Its fine to dial down on acquaintance/ casual friendships and if parenthood has made you reprioiritise and see that these people are not adding anything to your life then perhaps it is right to let them go as they didn't mean that much to you in the first place.

But those unconditional friendships where you can truly be yourself, and you know that person is there for you through the bad times as well as good - are like gold dust. So be careful throwing any relationship like that away for new mum friends. As PP have said there is no guarantee you can pick those friendships up again if you don't speak for years.

You sound like a horror. I'm glad you're not my friend. People care for you and making the effort to be in your life. Your attitude is to dump them for your new friends. Nasty person.

Hardly unconditional love if you wanna ditch them as soon as they become inconvenient

Agree.

Ending all your friendships formed before your children and partner, keeping only ‘mum friends’ is a sure fire way to experience burn out down the line.
Your baby is only 9 months, still in the thick of it really, but soon you won’t want every single aspect of your life to be entirely centred around them. You also exist outside of your children.

Don't agree with this at all, I think it's poor form to not bother to make an effort but then expect everyone to just pick up for you when you want them to.

I would be very carefully about ending special friendships, because you will live to regret it.

You can always find ways of gently dialing back seeing them, but you can easily keep in touch.

I wasn't very sociable when mine were babies - too exhausted! Can't you just see them every few months? When your child is older you might want to spend more time with your friends. You have more time and energy as the kids get older and start wanting to do other things - not just things that revolve around your child.

Yes, I think you need to ask yourself questions about why you appear to have so many longtime ‘friends’ in your life that you simply don’t like? That seems to me to be the real question here, and that motherhood is a red herring, or at least relevant only because it’s limiting your time and energy.

If it was one friend I'd say they're the problem but given that there's a list of people, the problem is you. You are in a bubble at there moment. You run the risk of emerging from this bubble and having no one.

Do you have some affection for these people that led you to become long term friends or did you just use them to fill a gap in your life when it suited you?

I'd say bide your
Time as only stop seeing people that don't give you joy

Mum friends can dry up once work restarts so I wouldn't count on them all being there long term.

Most of my friends are from work, kids school and I have two left from baby days

I think it is natural that with a life change you evaluate friendships. I would question whether it is the friends that need to be ditched though - maybe you need to work on communicating your boundaries better. Friend #1 I would be clear and direct next time he oversteps with the banter & see him at a less prime time that sat afternoon. Friend #2 see her without the boyfriend. Family member - move beyond hints. It may well be that your friends react badly to you being more assertive with what works for you - that’s their choice.

I can relate to this. Since having my daughter I’ve definitely distanced myself from people who bring negativity into my life. I would have tolerated them before. Maybe something changes once you become a parent?

I totally get where you’re coming from but regardless of having kids, it’s always a good idea to distance yourself from friendships that don’t really add anything to your life.

I’ve been quite lucky, my pre-kid friends are mostly still around, some have kids of their own, some not. I really value those friendships, particularly the non-kid time we spend together from time to time - it’s really important to have at least some time away from the family (we usually have a couple
of long weekends away per year).

I agree with the poster above about new mum friends. Some might become longstanding friends but many drift away. During maternity leave we saw the five couples from the NCT group regularly. After everyone returned to work and kids started nursery, etc. it slowed down significantly. Now, 3-4 years later we only see one of the couples, always with our kids, every other month.

Sounds perfectly normal, the transition from pre-kids to being a mum can change lots of things. For me, it made me evaluate how I'd most like to spend my free time.
Rather than ditch people, I think I decided to just decide at the time whether I wanted to see them that day/weekend. If I didn't then I grew a thicker skin and made my excuses. Some friends stick around and make it work because they accept that things inevitably have to change when kids come along. Some don't and drift away (or fall out).

I personally have many see-every-few-months friends, and this works just fine. I am autistic though and ultimately if my post-kid friendship style doesn't work for them, they're free to find other friends.

I don't have many friends but I don't need many, I like to see them now and then, check in with them and that's it, because quite frankly, home life is busy and I don't have the "spoons" for anything more. (Check out spoon theory, if you haven't heard of it, it helps me massively as a neurodivergent person.)

People have different friendship styles, don't be made to feel bad because yours has changed (or you have less energy to make it work now with others who prefer to see you more frequently).

As for the family member, visit them at their home. You can leave when you like then. Alternatively, they can pop over but you might be going out in an hour or so (or to sleep) giving them a heads up.