I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I was beyond happy with the birth experience, my stay in hospital and recovery.
However, when DH and I came back home with our newborn, we had the bad surprise of coming back to all my personal belongings (think diaries, photos etc), scattered everywhere in the flat. My mum and dad came to help us take care of DD1 who is a toddler (3), and stayed at the hotel with her during the night, enjoying the flat with DD1 during the day while we were at the hospital.
I gritted my teeth as they were on their way with DD1 to meet our newborn, and the encounter was sweet, with my mum and dad gushing over her, and DD1 being over the moon.
But the next morning, as I was tidying up this box my personal items came from, I became really angry as I saw several ripped photos, the print i made of my daughter at birth (DD1) broken in half, and a letter that my grandmother wrote for the first birthday of DD1 missing (I haven't found it and looked everywhere for several hours). The letter itself was in a card that I found opened under our bed, so I think it's fair to say it's the whole unsupervised rummaging that led to its loss.
What really irates me is that I have told my mum on countless occasions not to let DD1 rummage through things that are not hers. Countless times. I say it everytime my mother visits, and everytime I find either my daughter rummaging through her handbag, or my handbag, or anything that basically isn't hers, under the supervision of my mum.
So this time I saw red, I called my mum to the hotel in the morning and in utter frustration I must admit I shouted. I said I was tired of repeating always the same thing, that I didn't understand why she opened that box for DD1 which was in our parental bedroom on my side of the bed, and that, to her own admission, she let her basically rip it apart unsupervised as she was working during that time, in our bedroom.
It seems like a menial thing when literally the most beautiful moment of the birth of my daughter happened but I am at a loss. I have no patience left with my mother, I feel powerless, she takes so much of my mental energy even onnthe happiest moments of my life.
I love her but eachtime she visits she doesn't
listen to me, and I catch her doing the exact opposite of what I ask her to do.
Worst is, she doesn't offer a real apology. She never does. She really upset me with this on the day after I've given birth and her only answer is I love you, I didn't mean to anger you, why do you shout at me. And then tears, so I'm the bad guy for shouting. She doesn't understand that you don't let a toddler rummage through their parents personal items in a closed box in the parental bedroom. She still doesn't get it, even after I explained to her that she shouldn't have opened this box and let her unsupervised, as a result items that were very dear to me were destroyed or lost.
I wrangled a half apology from her but she never said sincerely she was sorry, and now since she cried in front of my toddler and dad, my dad is taking her side saying I shouldn't shout on her. She said to my grandmother she didn't do anything wrong, and that I was tired and emotional from the birth but SHE made me emotional, I was so happy before coming back to our flat!
And as per usual, she now has left, leaving me confused as to how she doesn't understand her behaviour is not normal
or OK and sends me very sweet messages as if nothing happened.
I truly believe she has no bad intentions, she has wonderful qualities, is always on my side and supports me financially and emotionally but it's reached a point where I dread her visits, she is an absolute emotional drain on me and I find her behaviour hurtful.
I guess my AIBU is; am I right for being upset at what happened?
What could explain her behaviour?
And also, how can I get past that and improve our relationship so she stops taking so much of my mental energy. DH agrees she is a drain but doesn't know what to do
either. He's just fed up. It's been like this since the birth of my daughter 3 years ago and getting worse :(
Please help me understand whether AIBU and how to fix this.