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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't my friend her relationship isn't real-was aibu?

37 replies

quiltbear · 27/06/2024 12:46

My friend is 39
I've posted about her before
She lives with her mum and doesn't have a job .
We used to be close but she hates anything good happening in people's lives and she just seemed a bit toxic .
I understand her life might make her this way and couldn't cut her off.
She had a boyfriend who lives in Canada ,she met him once and he visited her for a week 15 years ago.
Since then he got married (when they split ) and had 2 kids.
My friend and him got back together 4 years ago (never seen each other )
Talk on face time and WhatsApp
He still lives with his ex wife and kids.
Anyway I said to her are you happy? Would you not want to find a man in this country ?
Who you can have time with
A proper real relationship
She lost it
This is the best relationship
We are so happy
He's great for me
Etc etc
Was in the wrong?
I didn't want to be nasty
She's wasting her life
She doesn't go out except to the supermarket
She has no Friends but me
She lives with her mum who hasn't left home for over 15 years

OP posts:
Original poster
quiltbear · 27/06/2024 13:26

For him to be married /had kids and living with his "ex wife " still married
Seems cruel on my friend
She's always wanted marriage /kids
She's gonna miss out on it all because of this fantasy
He ain't moving here
She ain't moving there
I don't understand what future is ahead
When her mums gone -what will she do
I'm scared for her

OP posts:
FuzzyStripes · 27/06/2024 13:18

I think YABU. It sounds like she has something else going on (mental health? autism?) and when she said “he’s great for me” he probably genuinely is. Not everyone is the same or wants the same.

Cosmosforbreakfast · 27/06/2024 13:17

I'd make my concerns known too. A man in another country, claiming to be living with an ex wife, who doesn't come to visit your friend is more than likely a married man whose wife isn't aware of her ex status.

You could tell her you were a bit blunt and that you're concerned he's taking advantage of her, talk to her rather than just announce she's not in a real relationship, let her know you're concerned for her. She probably knows deep down he's a walking red flag but doesn't want to admit it.

ladykale · 27/06/2024 13:13

Sorry but it's cruel to allow your friend to live in lala land.

I think it's good you send something OP provided it was said in a sensitive way

Neodymium · 27/06/2024 13:10

hes not broken up with his ex. Thats for sure.

TheSparkling · 27/06/2024 13:06

I'd do the same OP. As a friend its fine to challenge her as long as its done with her best interests at heart.

RiverF · 27/06/2024 13:05

I'm really surprised at the early responses, surely anyone who cares for this woman would express some concern at the situation.

Renamedyetagain · 27/06/2024 13:03

I'd say the same. She's living a half life, scared to make a real one. Up to her, but as a friend I'd want to encourage her confidence, go out, join clubs etc.

beckybarefoot · 27/06/2024 13:02

she's your friend.. your job as a friend is to support her and if she wants this relationship then its non of your business!

Edingril · 27/06/2024 13:00

There was no need for you to say I can't see for one minute it would benefit her to say it other than 'I am right you are wrong'

Mysticguru · 27/06/2024 12:54

Arrogant and wrong. Not everyone lives a life that is judged to be inside the societal norm.

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, and the only way, it does not exist.

Nietzsche

Original poster
quiltbear · 27/06/2024 12:47

"Told my friend "
Autocorrect

OP posts:
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