Page 9 | Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

henpp · 2024-06-26T21:46:48+00:00

If you marry, do both people have to have the same surname? Do you have to decide on which to have together? Could one of you double barrel and the other not?

Ohnobackagain · 27/06/2024 00:42

@henpp the main thing to note is there is no legal requirement to take the husband’s surname and never has been. So while it’s traditional, you can pretty much do most combinations. I have known people double-barrel with the bride’s surname first and others with the groom’s first. I have friends where each retained their own surname with the appropriate title eg Mr X, Mrs Y.

ILikeBakeryStuff · 27/06/2024 00:42

I went with DH’s surname. He has a common surname while my maiden name constantly attracted comments of people asking where it is from.

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 00:39

GrandTheftWalrus · 27/06/2024 00:38

I've taken both husbands names as I don't like my maiden name.

Why didn't you just change it yourself then? Do men have 'maiden' names?

GrandTheftWalrus · 27/06/2024 00:38

I've taken both husbands names as I don't like my maiden name.

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 00:37

Agree it seems weird that the father's name is often horrid or hard to spell but the father-in-law's name is generally nicer and easier to spell so that gets chosen

Quite.

whatsappdoc · 27/06/2024 00:34

Ponderingwindow · 27/06/2024 00:32

It’s up to you.

my husband and I each chose to keep our names for an assortment of reasons.

we then decided that boys would get his surname and girls would get my surname because we liked that method more than flipping a coin. Whoever didn’t get control of the surname got to pick a family name for the middle name.

I like this and wish it was the 'norm'.

whatsappdoc · 27/06/2024 00:33

Agree it seems weird that the father's name is often horrid or hard to spell but the father-in-law's name is generally nicer and easier to spell so that gets chosen.

M103 · 27/06/2024 00:32

I kept mine, my husband kept his, children have mine.
One spouse keeping their name and one spouse double barring both surnanes is fine, I know people who did it. The children can have a single or double barelled name.
You can do what you want in the uk basically.

Ponderingwindow · 27/06/2024 00:32

It’s up to you.

my husband and I each chose to keep our names for an assortment of reasons.

we then decided that boys would get his surname and girls would get my surname because we liked that method more than flipping a coin. Whoever didn’t get control of the surname got to pick a family name for the middle name.

giespiece · 27/06/2024 00:32

When I got married, we created a new name - I have a very traditional Scottish surname, so we "Scottished" his surname

GrumpyPanda · 27/06/2024 00:29

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 27/06/2024 00:06

And yet a staggering 85% of women in the UK do it. Take their husband's surname on marriage.

Fancy that! It being such a STRANGE PRACTICE and all!

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Chip on your shoulder much?

Lovelylydia · 27/06/2024 00:28

We both double-barrelled. DH had to legally change his name by deed poll but I didn’t have to🤷‍♀️

Flossflower · 27/06/2024 00:12

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 00:03

So the choice is usually your husband’s name or your father’s name! I couldn’t wait to get rid of my father’s name

How so? If you want to word it like that then isn't the choice between your husbands fathers name, or your own fathers name? Why do men 'own' their surnames, but women are just borrowing them from fathers or husbands?

In future generations it might be different but the name I was born with was my father’s name. That is because for hundreds of years that is how things were done. I am not saying it was right. Even now, a mother may keep her father’s name but the name a child gets is usually the father’s or some double barrelled version.

Chocochick · 27/06/2024 00:11

@FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot: freedom is an illusion and no, the UK does not have more of it than many other countries (much to a lot of Brits’ chagrin who have been told their country is a beacon of free choice). It is an anachronistic practice since marriage is meant to be an equal partnership and there is no equality in women overwhelmingly ditching their name and adopting the husband’s one.

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 27/06/2024 00:06

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 00:04

I'm with you on this. It isn't a popular view but I don't understand why so many women still do it. Choicy choicy nicey nicey and all that but it is a strange practice!

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And yet a staggering 85% of women in the UK do it. Take their husband's surname on marriage.

Fancy that! It being such a STRANGE PRACTICE and all!

Needanewname42 · 27/06/2024 00:05

PuttingDownRoots · 26/06/2024 22:59

Anyone can change their name to anything they like in the UK. (Well, unless its actually offensive)
You can even use two different names simultaneously as long as you aren't doing it to decieve people (so use your birth name professionally and a married name socially)

Somewhere along the line I changed my name on my passport but never with dvla. So I have official photo ID in both names.

It has never been an issue, declared it in the 'known by any other names' box for PVG clearance and zero issues.

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 00:04

Chocochick · 27/06/2024 00:01

It strikes me as odd that everyone says “you can do whatever you want” and yet, the vast majority of women still seem to want to drop their surname in favour of their husband’s? I know it’s tradition but a pretty obviously sexist one and I can’t fathom why women would want to uphold this.

I'm with you on this. It isn't a popular view but I don't understand why so many women still do it. Choicy choicy nicey nicey and all that but it is a strange practice!

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 27/06/2024 00:04

Chocochick · 27/06/2024 00:01

It strikes me as odd that everyone says “you can do whatever you want” and yet, the vast majority of women still seem to want to drop their surname in favour of their husband’s? I know it’s tradition but a pretty obviously sexist one and I can’t fathom why women would want to uphold this.

You don't have to 'fathom' anything. Women have freedom to do what they like in the UK (within the law,) and if taking their husband's surname on marriage makes them happy and they want to do it, then so be it. They don't need your approval, or for you to 'fathom' why they do it. You do you hun.

WrongSortOfPoster · 27/06/2024 00:04

@Chocochick , me too. I changed mine because I preferred his, but he offered to change his to mine.

Shakespeareandi · 27/06/2024 00:04

I kept mine, OH his, and the children have double-barrelled surnames. IF they get married and decide they need to change their surname, they can choose any they want. I didn't want my OH's name, it's not my name. I like the link to my family.

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 00:03

So the choice is usually your husband’s name or your father’s name! I couldn’t wait to get rid of my father’s name

How so? If you want to word it like that then isn't the choice between your husbands fathers name, or your own fathers name? Why do men 'own' their surnames, but women are just borrowing them from fathers or husbands?

Chocochick · 27/06/2024 00:01

It strikes me as odd that everyone says “you can do whatever you want” and yet, the vast majority of women still seem to want to drop their surname in favour of their husband’s? I know it’s tradition but a pretty obviously sexist one and I can’t fathom why women would want to uphold this.

WrongSortOfPoster · 27/06/2024 00:00

@SummerBarbecues , that's not true.

KreedKafer · 26/06/2024 23:58

There’s nothing to explain, really. You can call yourself whatever you want, whether you’re married or not. There’s no agreement necessary.

Flossflower · 26/06/2024 23:57

Moonshine5 · 26/06/2024 22:58

It seems antiquated/ old fashioned for the wife to take the husbands name.

So the choice is usually your husband’s name or your father’s name! I couldn’t wait to get rid of my father’s name.