Page 8 | Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

TheBirdintheCave · 27/06/2024 06:33

Chocochick · 27/06/2024 00:01

It strikes me as odd that everyone says “you can do whatever you want” and yet, the vast majority of women still seem to want to drop their surname in favour of their husband’s? I know it’s tradition but a pretty obviously sexist one and I can’t fathom why women would want to uphold this.

I had an extremely common surname and my husband has a rare surname which is far further up the register. I always hated being last for everything and didn't want the same for my children so was excited I got to 'upgrade' my surname when we got married.

I may have felt differently if I had a more interesting surname from the start!

NoMoreLifts · 27/06/2024 06:29

It's trad for children to have mother's name. If she's already changed hers to husband's, they all have same name.

What's not trad, and is weird (I think), is for unmarried men to insist that their child has male surname cos it's trad. It's not. It's just what they want.

HcbSS · 27/06/2024 06:28

I have my own surname but do use Mrs.
This is becas I changed my surname by deed poll back to my Mum’s maiden name at 18 (born before their divorce finalised but had grown up without father and we wanted to be the same as the rest of the family). I am proud of my surname :)

Kids have my husband’s and I have never had to travel with them without him bit if we did I would just take the relevant paperwork. I loath double barreled surnames so that wasn’t an option and I have no issue with them having his name.

Parker231 · 27/06/2024 06:23

Lilacapples · 26/06/2024 23:55

I took my husbands surname. I wanted to have the same name as my children and never really gave it a thought. His was nicer and easier to spell. Reading these type of posts is interesting because thinking about it I don’t know one couple where the wife has kept her own name.

Weird that it’s always the husbands name which is nicer and easier to spell?
I’ve been married nearly 30 years and kept my surname as did my sister and sister in law.

BingoMarieHeeler · 27/06/2024 06:18

henpp · 26/06/2024 22:46

If you marry, do both people have to have the same surname? Do you have to decide on which to have together? Could one of you double barrel and the other not?

What?? How do you not know this??

mitogoshi · 27/06/2024 06:17

Surnames are an emotive subject so yes discuss it but you can decide what to do. I changed mine first time but haven't decided what to do when I remarry, could take my mothers maiden name if I don't take my new husband's ;he doesn't mind)

WillLiveLife · 27/06/2024 06:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at user request.

Simonjt · 27/06/2024 06:01

SummerBarbecues · 26/06/2024 23:51

Don’t have to change your name. But if you change to anything else than your husband’s name, you need a deed poll. Similarly, husband changing name need a deed poll.

No, thats incorrect, like wives husbands just need to use their marriage cerificate as proof of their name change, you also don’t need a deedpoll to both change to a completely new name.

CurlewKate · 27/06/2024 05:56

You can choose your father's name or your husband's father's name.

Or you can both keep the name that has been yours since birth. The name that is associated with your life, and which is associated with all the life experiences and achievements that have made you the adult you are on the day you get married.

And those of you who say they couldn't wait to change their name? There can be excellent reasons for this, of course-so no need to wait to get married! It can be done easily and inexpensively online.

garlictwist · 27/06/2024 05:43

I'm getting married this year and not changing my name. In fact, only a couple of people I know have changed their name on marriage. It seems like it's dying out a bit.

My reasons are it's my name, always has been and I'm rather attached to it. I don't think you need the same name as your husband.

whatsappdoc · 27/06/2024 02:43

I hate 'maiden name'. Grrr. It's called your 'surname' until you get married then becomes this awful term. What's wrong with previous surname or birth name or family name etc? So much about this whole topic that sets me off!

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 01:48

Why do you think your husband's name is his, but your name is your father's? By this logic you don't take your husband's name, you take your father-in-law's......only not his, his father's or his father's father's etc etc

Surely you don't think women never have their own name

This is exactly how I feel. So many women have taken on board the idea that women never actually have/own their own names. It isn't a choice between "husbands' name or fathers' name". Why is the blokes name HIS own, but a womans is her fathers? Surely then the blokes name is HIS fathers?!

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 01:47

My parents like the name and I'm their only child so didn't want to change it

With Hx1 it was to be a Mrs as I was only 25 and it seemed so grown up etc

With Hx2 it's to match him and the kids. I didn't have children with my ex

Well, fair enough. You gave far more explanation than my snippy comment deserved.

I will admit it is a chip on my shoulder. I despise the idea of "maiden" names and how women can never own a name of their own.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 27/06/2024 01:23

I think the YABU bit is where you posted this here. Where is the YABU/YANBU issue!?

Cattenberg · 27/06/2024 01:22

FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot · 26/06/2024 23:37

You don't have to change to your husband's surname. It's not LAW. Many women do though. Despite what you may read on here.

Almost all the women I know from 21 to 101 changed their surname to their husband's surname. Working class, middle class, and upper class, from all walks of life, from many different backgrounds, and varying levels of education, and varying careers, (professional, and non-professional, and unskilled.)

Roughly 85% of women take their husband's surname in the UK. It may seem like many on Mumsnet keep their maiden name (as many posters claim they do,) but in real life, only around 15% of married women keep their own surname, and around 85% take their husband's.

The patriarchy is alive and well. I don’t see that as a good thing.

MissTrip82 · 27/06/2024 01:17

Flossflower · 26/06/2024 23:57

So the choice is usually your husband’s name or your father’s name! I couldn’t wait to get rid of my father’s name.

Show quote history

This always interests me.

Why do you think your husband's name is his, but your name is your father's? By this logic you don't take your husband's name, you take your father-in-law's......only not his, his father's or his father's father's etc etc.

Surely you don't think women never have their own name?

PurpleyDog · 27/06/2024 01:15

As others said, you do whatever you like.

If you’re simply adopting your husband’s surname, then a copy of the marriage certificate is enough for making it official. Any other changes and you need a deed poll. I made my maiden name my middle name, and even though I was adopting my husband’s surname, I still needed to do it via deed poll.

Frumpyfrau · 27/06/2024 01:08

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/06/2024 23:25

@henpp so what happens when a child with a double barrelled name marries another child with a double barrelled? do their children then have quadruple barrelled name?????

The people getting married decide which names to keep. There are cultures around the world that have double barrelled names, and many couples make these decisions.

Iloveespressomartiniseveryday · 27/06/2024 01:07

I double barrelled mine, his first then mine as it sounded better. Our DC has the same as me. DH just has his original name. I'm an only child and female so just wanted to keep my family name going a bit longer but realise my DC can do what they like if they ever decide to get married. Currently they want to live with us forever 😂 so ...

toomanytonotice · 27/06/2024 01:04

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/06/2024 23:25

@henpp so what happens when a child with a double barrelled name marries another child with a double barrelled? do their children then have quadruple barrelled name?????

Ask the Spanish. They’ve managed it for centuries. No one ends up with ridiculous million barrelled names as always suggested on here.

toomanytonotice · 27/06/2024 01:01

BashfulClam · 26/06/2024 23:48

Because that needs a dead poll which is a pain in the arse and costs extra. I have a marriage certificate that I’ve already paid for and it’s really easy to change your name if you have a marriage certificate. Why pay out extra when your marriage certificate does the job?

Show quote history

Men can use a marriage certificate to change their names in the same way a woman can.

it does not require a deed poll.

toomanytonotice · 27/06/2024 00:55

Scissor · 27/06/2024 00:43

Your name, your choice.
Marriage, you can change if you want.
I did, then after many years divorced.
Kept same name as children on passport and house stuff , much easier to travel on passports with same name
Have original surname on main bank account.
It's all very manageable with two surnames. I've done for 17 years. Though might change to one now all children are grown.

It’s not any more difficult to travel on different surnames as it is the same.

all need the same documentation, permission off all with PR etc.

surnames make bugger all difference to travelling.

GrandTheftWalrus · 27/06/2024 00:54

Scissor · 27/06/2024 00:43

Your name, your choice.
Marriage, you can change if you want.
I did, then after many years divorced.
Kept same name as children on passport and house stuff , much easier to travel on passports with same name
Have original surname on main bank account.
It's all very manageable with two surnames. I've done for 17 years. Though might change to one now all children are grown.

I'm using 3 surnames! However my passport is in my most recent surname it's just a matter of getting everything changed over. Not so easy when I don't have a local bank branch for example.

GrandTheftWalrus · 27/06/2024 00:52

DickJagger · 27/06/2024 00:39

Why didn't you just change it yourself then? Do men have 'maiden' names?

Show quote history

My parents like the name and I'm their only child so didn't want to change it.

With Hx1 it was to be a Mrs as I was only 25 and it seemed so grown up etc.

With Hx2 it's to match him and the kids. I didn't have children with my ex.

Scissor · 27/06/2024 00:43

Your name, your choice.
Marriage, you can change if you want.
I did, then after many years divorced.
Kept same name as children on passport and house stuff , much easier to travel on passports with same name
Have original surname on main bank account.
It's all very manageable with two surnames. I've done for 17 years. Though might change to one now all children are grown.