Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

I kept my name, dh kept his
He's called Mr Shoxfordian more than I'm called Mrs dh although his family still send cards to Mr & Mrs Dh - very annoying

So why not change it when you were old enough! You and everyone else who can't bear their surname, you don't need to wait for another man to come along to define or validate you!

I kept my name as it's my name. It is also part of my family heritage that women keep their own name. DS as DH's name with mine as a middle name. Most women I know keep their own names. We also know someone who changed to his wife's name.

You can do whatever you want, nothing is automatically done. All paperwork for the marriage is using your names before anyway. We never changed either of ours, couldn't be bothered!

I took my husband's surname purely because I have a first name that people find difficult to pronounce (Gaelic) and a surname that was also annoying to have to correct (think Browne instead of Brown). So my maiden name was generally a PITA. DH had a nice surname that I genuinely preferred.

My brother and his wife both double barrelled the surnames, and their children have the double barrelled surname too.

Are people serious about the hyphenated name thing? I assume they're taking the piss, but happy to explain if not!

I was also happy to take my DH's name, we can do what we want and shouldn't have to justify our reasons to anyone

@Nanny0gg it's a trope because you never hear a man saying "I've always hated my father's name so I took my dw's"

You don’t “have” to follow any norms at all (UK).
But if you take your DH’s surname, it might make it easier for your family, several generations on, to trace their ancestry…

😂

Meet Princess Consuela Bananahammock 🤣

This is what stopped me from doing it. It would eventually get so ridiculously long!

It's definitely easier for travel having the same name in there somewhere, before marriage I was quizzed quite alot when travelling abroad without the kids dad, as we didn't have the same surname, and this was the main reason I added his to mine after marriage. We travel alot as a family and separately, and it just makes it easier not having to take birth certificates and permission letters from Dh, which I was asked to show before marriage

That’s not true. You are still legally required to have the express permission from all parents with PR if you are taking a child out of the country, unless you have a court order.
I have never been asked for confirmation that DH has consented despite having a different surname to my children. The fact remains that I could be asked at any time and so it is best to be prepared

It's not a trope!

I hated my own (father's) name so I took my DH's. Quite happy with it

Unless I'd come up with a new one altogether it was still following the patriarchy!

I think there is more to deal with in the patriarchy than calling your self Mrs chocochick but that's your choice isn't it ?

You can do what you choose.
I hated my (emotionally abusive) parents and where I was born, so I chose my husband's surname for this reason (to erase the past
I didn't vote for, so to speak).
No, seriously, why should I keep my bastard father's surname?

I got married 28 years ago and didn't change my name, we have two different surnames and it's never caused any fuss or bother.

It is the patriarchy still at work, undoubtedly and however much people like to say it’s “free choice”, it isn’t when women see it as the better, most desirable option to adopt their husband’s name and to call themselves “Mrs”, stating their marital status when no such thing exists or is expected of men. If you believe in equality, this isn’t it.

I took DH's surname because it's sounds really beautiful with my first name (more than than my previous surname). I love it. It just sounds... right.
I also wanted us to have a family name - not me or having a DH having a different name to the kids.
I had no interest any double-barrelling as DH's surname is already two names. I didn't want a clunky three name surname. Also it would have sounded ridiculous.
So I agree. If a woman does want to change her name it's really no one else's business! As long as she hasn't been forced into it by a sexist husband, I really don't see the problem. Names are very personal and part of your identity. There shouldn't be judgemental comments and finger pointing.

Really what does it matter what her "brothers" think she made a choice to use her husbands. some of us come with paternal surnames not changing your name isn't going to cancel that out.

Keep your surname, change it, Double Barrel it, he can take your surname, do whatever you want. I took my husbands surname because I hated my maiden name.

Surnames are the names that come after their Christian names.

As pps have said, do what you want.
Many of my friends who married men took the man's surname. One couple chose a new surname as neither of them liked the ones they had. Among my friends that married women, two couples double-barrelled, one used just one surname. Male friends that married men kept their surnames.
I use both surnames with mine first (not hyphenated), a few friends of mine didn't change their names at all.

Do you have brothers or male relatives - did they change their surname on marriage as it was clunky and difficult to spell?

In the past the wam would take her husband's surname. Many women still do but these days you can do whatever you want!