Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

And it becomes hers the moment she is named. Her father no more owns it than she does.

Incidentally who's surname do I have?
When I was born I was given "my father's" name.
Never married or changed my name.

When my DS1 was old enough he changed his surname to one we had made up.

When DS2 was old enough he also changed his to match. So i changed mine as well.
Who's name is it? It's not my Father's or Husbands. Maybe its my sons?

IMO it's mine. But so was my previous one regardless of where it came from.

but it came from her father, a man, not from her mother.

Some women do seem very annoyed and agitated that most women choose to take their husband's surname on marriage, They act like they're 'letting the down,' and 'not being enough of a feminist.' 🙄

You know what, feminism is about women HAVING A CHOICE in what they do. And many women CHOOSE to take their husband's surname. Why do they? For many reasons. Whatever the reasons, it has nothing to do with anyone else!

And the (small minority) of women who kept their surname on marriage, are not superior to the women who changed it to their husband's, so stop acting like your choice is better/more valid. It's tedious!

You do you and leave other women in peace, and stop poking at them because they don't sing to your tune!

!!! Because it isn’t “a man’s last name” it is her name from birth and for 30 years

I have no view on what is feminist or non feminist about choice of second name. All I was saying was that I didn't get why some feminists made a fuss about women adopting the name of their husband because it was a man's name but had no problem keeping their birth last name which is also a man's name.

I'm am defending my argument, just as you are, I'm not taking it personally. I do object to implications that all women have been forced into the decision from some posters (but that was not specifically you). Some may have been coerced but the vast majority who change their name do so because they what to. Same as most wear a white wedding dress as that is traditional. Equality to me is the right to choose, not the need to conform to what men do.

@godmum56 Why is not feminist claim something you’ve had all your life? Yes a name was passed down via the paternal previously by why is it unfeminis to start passing it down the maternal line? Just because my father’s name matches mine it’s unfeminist for me to keep using it? Or are you saying the only true feminist act is for people to completely rename themselves at maturity?

I didn't say I didn't see it that isn't what I said I mean we all have our own interpretation and that's fine maybe I.am inferior to your ideals are correct who knows eh!.

Excellent, most gracious, @godmum56

My surname was mine from the minute I could say it, and will be mine until I die.

As is and will be the case for DH and his surname.

Any time they choose to of course

Things are going down from the 80% (2023, admittedly this is a survey by a jeweller..) Note the expectations from the men surveyed.

https://www.fhinds.co.uk/blog/How-likely-are-you-take-your-partner-s-last-name-after-marriage

Our survey also highlighted that women are still far more likely to take their partner's last name in comparison to men; with more than half (55%) admitting they would do so, compared to only one in six (15%) men.

The results of our survey also highlighted that a third of UK adults (33%) say they would expect their other half to adopt their surname once married. And when digging into the survey findings further, we learnt that this was the case for more than half of (53%) of men, compared to less than a fifth (17%) of women.

For one in seven (13%), however, a double-barrelled surname is the way forward, and for one in 25 (4%), an amalgamation of both partner's names was the route they’d choose to go down.

Passport office doesn't require a deed poll for men on production of a marriage cert

DT’s have a double barrelled surname (DH and my surnames). Both parts of the surname are long, non English and complicated to spell to an English speaker. Both are proud of their surname representing both sides of the family. In the future it is totally up to them what they do.

I use my married name for work, and on anything official, but am socially known by my maiden name. It wasn’t planned, but helps me keep my private life away from school.

My son and his wife use both surnames for both them, and the children. Not hyphenated though.

Literally choose whatever name you want and for that matter you don't even have to get married to do it.

(But getting all the documents changed is a pain in the arse and £££ so choose wisely lol)

@BoudiccaOfSuburbia Exactly! It isn’t a level
playing field when still to this day 80% of women “choose” to take their husband’s name and men overall still refuse to do the same. In my country (South American so not part of the first world, according to questionable Western standards), women have not taken their husband’s last names for decades. It would be completely frowned upon to do so and seen as a massive step backwards in terms of gender equality. Why a supposedly “advance” country like the U.K. still follows this tradition which puts women as an appendix of their husbands is beyond me.

@Mrsjayy What's misogynistic is the norm that it is the woman who changes her name by tradition as she is “given away” (another patriarchal part of the ceremony) to her husband (male) by her father (male). If you don’t see it, it is because you have been indoctrinated to believe this is normal and desirable. I can understand your personal issue with your father’s surname but how about your mother’s? You could have taken hers if you wanted too since it’s all about free choice.

Bingo!

I am fully confident that my great grandchildren will have 8 surnames.

Or not.

It's possible that their parents will follow their own parents' lead and do whatever they like, irrespective of tradition.

I am not accusing you individually of lying , or that you have been railroaded into changing your name.

You don't need to take it personally.

Can you really say that it is a level playing field and that there is no pressure of 'tradition' on women as a whole? Are you saying that the many women on MN who have said their DH's objected to them keeping their names, his family refuse to acknowledge her name etc, are lying?

And do you not acknowledge that more women seem to change their name because they don't like their birth name, than men, who more often keep theirs and furthermore expect their DW to adopt it? Again, it is a very common post on MN.

Including on this thread.

It's a patriarchal tradition.

Individuals can do what they like, you don't need to justify anything, it's your free choice but until there is no expectation on women one way or the other, it will stay a patriarchal decision. And those of us who point this out shouldn't be expected not to point it out, or discuss it, because people who made their own choice feel defensive.

I'm regretting changing my name 35 years ago. We're still married, but it still feels like his name, his family. My dad has died and I wish I had his name.

I'm seriously considering reverting.

This is so interesting to me because I'm getting married next year and don't want to change mine, and have been surprised to find myself not just in the minority but in a category of one!

I've been to loads of friends' weddings in the past 3 years and I can't think of a single woman who hasn't changed it in some capacity - 80% have changed completely to their husband's name and 20% have double barreled with their husband's name. It's making me wonder whether my social circle is much more traditional than I had realised.

At what point are women allowed to call their names their own, then?

Mine came from a terrible man then it was changed to another aggressive man's name I was quite glad I changed it to my husbands name. I was unmarried when I had my Dd but she still had her registered in her dad's name .

The problem with changing your name is what are you gonna do if you get divorced? Spend the rest of your life with your shitty ex's name? Change your name AGAIN?

You're born with a surname and you've lived your whole life with it up to now. No need to do anything at all.

yup...either waythe name comes through the paternal line