Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

My mother, my daughters and I all have my mum's maiden name. It's a good one.

I wouldn't dream of telling other women what they should do but I would be very happy if more men adopted their wives' names, as they expect women to do all the bloody time. Only when that happens can we consider it a truly free choice.

But I also wanted to acknowledge my husbands name.

How has he acknowledged yours?

This is a you do you situation. I double barrelled mine because I run my own company, but have been working in my field for over 20 years and wanted ex clients to still be able to Google and find me to transfer their business if they were looking to do so. But I also wanted to acknowledge my husbands name.

Also, his name is constantly misinterpreted for something else so at least they get half my surname right this way!!

At the time mum thought this approach was quite offensive to my husband which tickled me!

I think as long as you’ve both discussed it and are happy with the conclusion it’s really nobody else’s business.

Yes, you do.

someone I travelled with recently thought this and was stopped at the airport. It was a nightmare. They had to try and get hold of the child’s dad at work. The group I travel with now insist all parents have a letter from non travelling parents, regardless less of name.

think about it. Same surname doesn’t always mean parent/child. It could be grandparent, uncle, cousin.

if you are travelling on your own with a child you need written permission from anyone else with PR, regardless of name. You can also be asked to prove your relationship-very often this is just asking the child but you may need a bc.

see here: https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad For everyone, not just if you have a different name.

I knew I wanted children and I also wanted the same name as my children. I have a few brothers (who would carry our name on) and my husband was the only boy.

But what if your brothers married women with names which were so much nicer, and easier to spell? Wouldn't they be eager to take those names, just as so many posters here are?

And what if your husband's sisters married men who wanted to take their name, just as you did?

There isn't actually any biological reason why men get to 'carry on' their name, and women don't.

Not if parent and child have same surname.

Totally this!

I knew I wanted children and I also wanted the same name as my children. I have a few brothers (who would carry our name on) and my husband was the only boy.

I took his name. I don’t like double barrelled names.

Everyone can do as they wish but we do have to remember it will take many generations to change attitudes so many will assume husband wife have the same name and parents share a name with their children. So if you choose to keep your name, only you double barrel and not your husband or you have a different name to your children, you or they will be called a different name depending on who knows whose name first ie being called Mrs Husbands name or Mr Wife’s name.

You know what, feminism is about women HAVING A CHOICE in what they do. And many women CHOOSE to take their husband's surname. Why do they? For many reasons. Whatever the reasons, it has nothing to do with anyone else!

No, feminism is not about anything so banal as 'choice'. It is about the context in which those 'choices' are made.

If it's all about 'choice', how is it that the majority of women 'choose' to take their husband's name?

Yet virtually no men 'choose' to take their wife's name?

After all, just as many men have those ugly, difficult to spell, unpronounceable names women here are inflicted with.

And just as many women will have those lovely, easy to spell, poetic sounding names they're so eager to change to on marriage.

This isn't about anything so simplistic as 'choice'. If it were, equal numbers of men would be changing their names on marriage, but in reality, almost none of them do. And the reason is very obvious, as @NaughtyBoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrown has suggested above. They don't want to be humiliated by giving up their own identity in favour of a woman. Many women, however, seem to be quite happy to do just that for a man. So the 'choice' is made in a very specific context, and not one favourable to women.

Before we married, my h did ask to change to my name and I found that so ridiculous. He already had a name.

And (this will be very offensive to some), I would have lost some respect for someone who gave up their identity to mine.

It would have made me feel in charge, that I was the owner and that in some way they were inferior to me. I think a massive amount of husbands feel this too (even if just subconsciously) but the difference is they like it. Hence patriarchy.

Do these men with all the nice, easy to spell names have married sisters?

Did their husbands all rush to adopt their lovely names on marriage?

And did the brothers of the women with all the horrible, difficult to spell names happily give them up and take their wives' names on marriage?

Somehow I doubt it.

I took my husbands surname because if we’d double barrelled them it would’ve sounded like a TV show (think Dalziel & Pascoe) and people would’ve commented endlessly and I just couldn’t face it, he wanted to keep his and as it’s traditional I took his, I’m not bothered really.

My name belongs to me. My male relatives. And my female relatives.

My Auntie (never married, never changed her name) has had it longer than my dad. (He's the younger sibling)
Why is it his and not hers?

Don't try and impart facts. It won't go down well.

Look up the origins of the name Brewster. And then… don’t bother engaging with me again.

It is a man's last name it's a father's last name it will always be a man's name. Unless women start surnaming themselves their names will be descendant male name. It doesn't matter how many exclamation marks you use or how passionately you argue about it your family surname belongs to men.

There is no law in the UK saying a woman takes her husband's name (or vice-versa), it was custom and practice. If you choose not to change your name that's up to you and if you do change it, or have a double-barrelled surname you will have to pay for new passports if you want them in that name etc. It used to be that the Passport Office made strenuous efforts to change women's passports when they married, to show they were married, as hotels in some countries/places would not allow unmarried couples to share a room, so it was to prove the couple were married. No-one cares, now.

Wish I had of double barrelled. We're now separated and the only thing stopping me going back to my maiden name is that I don't want to have a different surname to my kids.

My colleague recently had the same realisation as you and changed her name back to her original surname. She'd been married about 7 years and had two kids who I believe are keeping their father's name. It's not been a big issue at all and now I can barely remember what her married name was.

@FeelingHotHotHotFeelingHotHotHot

"You know what, feminism is about women HAVING A CHOICE in what they do. And many women CHOOSE to take their husband's surname"

Feminism isn't just about having choices. It's about trying to understand why we make the choices we do. And if men routinely chose to take their wife's name, or if women could keep their own names on marriage without any comment or raised eyebrows, then it would just be about preference. But, sadly, it isn't!

No I don’t have any brothers, but if my male cousin chose to change his surname, it would be none of my business, just as me changing my surname is no-one else’s business, because it was my choice. No-one forced me to change it, I just took the opportunity to use a different name because I wanted to. I don’t see why this gives anyone the right to attack me on here?

My husband was the last in his family so his family name would die with him. So I took his name and we gave it to our children too. My maiden name was horrible anyway, I didn't feel I was losing much

@godmum56 you don’t know actually. Brewster, IIRC, came from female brewers. You have no idea whether, somewhere in your family tree, a mother passed on her birth surname to her son.

But I think you are here as devils advocate so I will leave it there.

They aren't. Its just that it appears you need to justify changing your name.
The real reason is just they wanted to. Which some people seem to have a problem with, so people get defensive.

How can the man's surname always be nicer/easier to spell/easier to pronounce? It makes no sense. Surnames are gender-neutral. If they weren't, we wouldn't be having this conversation - men would have their father's surnames and women's would have their mother's.

@godmum56 But you agree that a woman’s name is her own? I know it sound silly but when I told people I was keeping my own name once I got married had several people say “It’s not your name it’s you fathers name” implying that I had no right to say it belonged to me. It’s surprising how many people feel ok to look a woman in the eye and say I don’t have my own name! And it’s quite a common refrain I still hear. But I don’t think you’re saying that. I think you’re saying that the lineage of a family name is still inherently patriarchal that to continue to use it isn’t the great feminist step it appears? Is that right?