Can someone explain married people’s surnames?

Repeating my post from earlier as the PP I asked didn't reply. But I'd love to know who's name I have.

Incidentally who's surname do I have?
When I was born I was given "my father's" name.
Never married or changed my name.

When my DS1 was old enough he changed his surname to one we had made up.
When DS2 was old enough he also changed his to match. So i changed mine as well.
Who's name is it? It's not my Father's or Husbands. Maybe its my sons?

IMO it's mine. But so was my previous one regardless of where it came from.

My name is my own.

my daughter shares my surname, but her name is her own.

As far as I am concerned, the second the birth certificate was written, I no longer had any rights to name my child. I had one window, I exercised that window, and from that moment forward, the name and control of the name belonged solely to her.

Poppycock

Men don't own names. A woman doesn't have her father's name. She has her own.

so when women drop their family name on marriage, that is them choosing their new husbands family? Choosing which set of parents they like best?

the majority of women drop their name completely. So I don’t quite get this logic.

We weren't married when our first child was born. In my hormonal state, I couldn't bear the thought of having a different name to my child. It was actually the registrar who suggested double barrelled! So we went with Mothers Surname, Father's Surname, (no hyphen).

A few years later when we did go on to marry - the names were discussed. We decided to ask our child's opinion. He said he liked having both names as it represented both parents. He suggested that we all have both names... so that's what we did! Our unique family name.

*no deed poll required either -a marriage certificate is enough for both people.

Also, when we went to update child's birth certificate (as required by Law after marriage) the registrar then put both names for both parents.

We are also both able to use our individual names for work purposes and each have bank accounts in one name, with the joint account being in our joint names.

So yes, lots of options... do what works best for you!

I took my DH’s surname because seemed like a nice thing to do at the time.15 years later, I miss my nicer maiden name and kind of regret taking his but it would seem a bit odd to randomly change it back when we’re still happily married!

@ThursdayTomorrow "One thing I don’t like is when people double barrel and say the child can choose which one to drop when they get married - it’s like asking them to choose which parent they like best."

We've said this to our children at every life stage from starting school onwards, reassuring them that it's an entirely free choice, no emotional blackmail involved!They are adults now and remain hyphenated.

One thing I don’t like is when people double barrel and say the child can choose which one to drop when they get married - it’s like asking them to choose which parent they like best.

@Moanycowbag yeah I get you

I wanted to keep my own surname, DH wanted me to take his. I don’t feel part of his family, they aren’t pleasant people and we don’t really have a relationship. DH is very much part of my side of the family, he fits in like he’s always been there so I would like my family name to sort of represent our marriage and unity. I therefore went double barrelled as a compromise. He doesn’t want to but it’s his choice. Our children have his name simply because we gave DD two middle names and thought five names would be too much for a small child, DS followed on. I hope one day when they’re old enough they would like to incorporate my family name.

I had to do the Deed Poll thing as I wanted to change name on bank account, driving license and passport and had to send the paperwork off to them to change it.

3 little dots on the top right, give you the chance to 'EDIT' your post. You can click that, and delete what you need to, and then just put 'deleted' in there instead.

You do need to do it within 5 minutes though.

I kept my own name after marriage. Didn't occur to me to do otherwise. I gave my three children my surname. My grandkids have their mothers' name hypenated to our family surname.

Sorry, couldn't find an option to 'delete' my post 🗑️ so reported it instead 😅

My partner's father took his mother's surname when they got married, and so did the uncle who married his aunt. So both sisters kept their names and gave them to their children.
Our children have double barrel surnames of his and mine.

Im not saying either way is right or wrong. I just don’t really get those who vehemently argue it’s their name and they’re keeping it

That would be the vast majority of men.

And what do you mean 'argue' that it's their name? It is their name.

ie the strong attachment to a specific noise someone makes to get your attention which is all it basically is.

Again though, if that's all it were, then we'd never have the tradition of women giving up their family lineage to take on a man's, but almost never the other way round. And men with all those nasty, difficult to spell names would be as eager to give them up as their sisters are.

But they don't, because names have symbolic and legal significance. They're not just 'noise'.

I did not change my name, H considered changing his to mine (he prefers mine) but didn't. Our DDs have my surname with his surname as an extra middle name (not double barrelled)

I don’t know if my brother is attached to his surname. It’s never really come up in conversation to be honest.

I mean I suspect he’s probably passed down his name because it’s the done thing, I doubt he’s thought much past that and his wife seems to be happy with the arrangement.

Im not saying either way is right or wrong. I just don’t really get those who vehemently argue it’s their name and they’re keeping it, ie the strong attachment to a specific noise someone makes to get your attention which is all it basically is.

I don’t get this attachment to a name. I took my husbands name. Not really attached to my maiden name and anyway my brothers kids are carrying on that name for another generation.

Do you also not get why your brother is attached to his name?

Or is that different?

I've read that in Germany, a quadruple barrelled name isn't allowed, but not sure about here. I guess you might have to choose one or the other or perhaps merge them to make them a bit shorter, a bit like celebrity couple names 😂 like when Graham Norton asked Emily Blunt and her husband (cant remember his name, but I think he's a director) what their couple name was, like Brangelina, and she said 'Krunt'.
So Smith-Jones and Morgan-Hoskins could merge to Smines-Morkins. Sorry, being a bit silly here 😅
I guess they could keep their own names or choose new ones. I was told at the registry office that I could choose any surname that I liked, even if it wasn't a name already in my ancestry, as long as it wasn't anything offensive.
xx

I don’t get this attachment to a name. I took my husbands name. Not really attached to my maiden name and anyway my brothers kids are carrying on that name for another generation.

I think being stopped at the border with my DD when she was little (and had a different surname to me - she should have had my surname in hindsight but I was young and naive and gave her her biological fathers last name) meant I was more inclined to have the same name as my subsequent kids (and also now oldest DD who has changed hers by deed poll).

Do what you want. My husband has been through a lot and had his name dragged through mud and has come out the other side. I've taken that name because I wanted to show him I am proud of him, as a vote of confidence in him and in us.

We also want children- and I want us all to have the same name in this instance. My maiden name is also my dads surname and he comes from a massively male family. So I won't be missed and didn't feel any obligation to keep it. If my husband had wanted to take mine, I would have said OK.

That's so interesting, can you not just revert to your maiden name (for want of a better word) without all that faff? I thought it was interchangable, sometimes I use my mams name because it's easier for SEN kids to pronounce

Edit I obviously know on legal documents it's not that simple

I once heard of an asylum-seeker called 'A (typically muslim first name) Phillips' - he had married an Englishwoman and took on her surname in order to appear keen to be integrating... lol!