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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour films us from her house

92 replies

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 20:51

Will try to keep details vague on the off chance the neighbour is on here.

We live opposite this woman, and over the last few months she has sat in her front window and watched us everyday. Harmless enough, maybe she is bored.

Then she started making gestures to us as we left. Still pretty harmless, the V fingers, middle finger, sometimes the wanker sign if she got arsey about something.

But now we have noticed she is filming us. She will sit in her usual watching position with her phone out, but the angle she is sitting at means you can see she isn't scrolling on her phone (holding it one handed, other hand visible, not scrolling, it would be impossible to see etc.)

Either she isn't filming, but wants us to think she is, or she is filming.

She seems to always know when we move outside our front door - the second we open it, she's there. If someone drives up and parks outside out house, she is at her window in an instant, filming. She films the children as they arrive and leave, which is a concern in and of itself.

We've just got a video system because we're concerned about if she escalates this further and comes onto our property (you cannot see into her house with this).

AIBU to want to report her to the police?

OP posts:
Wizardcalledoz · 26/06/2024 23:13

Do you have curtains and close them when it is dark enough to turn the lights on? If so, how do you know her routine? If not, why not?

Notimeforaname · 26/06/2024 23:12

We're scared

We doubt it'll be taken as seriously, because she's a woman, and if they go round and talk to her she will know it was us, and god knows what she would do to us
OP, you cant live like this. Yes its a bit scary but you are being ridiculous, be assertive, do something other than just living in fear afraid to do anything. Do something.

wellington77 · 26/06/2024 23:11

If she’s filming your children then definitely call the police, they can certainly act on that and will

Notimeforaname · 26/06/2024 23:10

OP, ask her! Speak!

If you're afraid she will get annoyed by you asking, she'll be even more annoyed after the police just show up.

If you dont do either of those things, your only other option is to live with it and try to ignore her.
If you cant do that, your only option is to move,which is extreme.

Just talk to her. If she kicks off, then you call the police.

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 23:09

Bordersgarage · 26/06/2024 23:07

If a middle-aged man, living alone, was filming children in the street, you’d probably report it wouldn’t you? Not sure why this is any different.

We're scared

We doubt it'll be taken as seriously, because she's a woman, and if they go round and talk to her she will know it was us, and god knows what she would do to us

OP posts:
Bordersgarage · 26/06/2024 23:07

If a middle-aged man, living alone, was filming children in the street, you’d probably report it wouldn’t you? Not sure why this is any different.

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 23:07

AlwaysTripsInFlipFlops · 26/06/2024 23:05

The reason you can’t point your doorbell at her house is for the same legal reasons she can’t film you from hers. Absolutely contact the police.

It's hardly "pointed" at her house. It's next to our door and 95% of what it captures is our path and front garden. yes it does capture the road and her house slightly, but not in any great detail. Impossible to see into her house and due to the layout of our house/road, impossible to avoid - we researched the legalities of having one

OP posts:
AlwaysTripsInFlipFlops · 26/06/2024 23:06

And stop trying to figure out ‘the why’. Doesn’t matter. Just has to stop.

AlwaysTripsInFlipFlops · 26/06/2024 23:05

The reason you can’t point your doorbell at her house is for the same legal reasons she can’t film you from hers. Absolutely contact the police.

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 23:04

Cantrushart · 26/06/2024 23:01

I'm sorry, you lost me at 'sexually frustrated'. Nah.

Just what has been said by our neighbour who is, admittedly, a much bigger gossip than we are - so we tend not to talk to her as much!

I really, really do not know what is going on with her and why she targets us and our children. I am literally throwing everything I could possibly know out there to see if anyone has any ideas

OP posts:
ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 23:03

Noseybookworm · 26/06/2024 23:00

It's horrible for you 😔 I think you do need to report her, at least you've then got a chance of stopping it. Surely it's got to be harassment and the police have to do something! I hope you get a good outcome 💐

Considering the police - I can tell her nightly "routine" to a tee.

She will sit in her front room until our living room light goes off, and she will then wait for the upstairs light to go on. She'll have been sat with the TV on but when we go upstairs, turns her light on and holds her phone up - to make sure she is seen. She waits until the landing light is off, turns her own light off and then goes about her evening. It's terrifying

OP posts:
ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 23:01

FantasticFork · 26/06/2024 22:56

Definitely think ring doorbell or CCTV. Does she ever approach your property? What does she do if/when she leaves her own house?

Very unnerving but because it's all on her property it's almost like a grey area where it probably doesn't cross a line into stalking that can be taken further.

She will come into the road to film every so often, but never onto our property (that we are aware of).

Lots of "motion" notifications overnight yesterday though, all of which were seemingly nothing but still very unnerving to think she might have been doing something - probably birds/bugs though and I'm overthinking it!

OP posts:
Cantrushart · 26/06/2024 23:01

I'm sorry, you lost me at 'sexually frustrated'. Nah.

Noseybookworm · 26/06/2024 23:00

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 22:46

This is very true.

It's just a horrible situation to be in and we all feel so anxious all the time

It's horrible for you 😔 I think you do need to report her, at least you've then got a chance of stopping it. Surely it's got to be harassment and the police have to do something! I hope you get a good outcome 💐

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 23:00

TheTartfulLodger · 26/06/2024 22:57

That's a pretty vile thing to say.

It's vile to intimidate and film a young mum with her children.

Our guess is based off lived experiences with women who have been through great pain, and we believe she may be trying to hurt us

OP posts:
ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 22:59

TheTartfulLodger · 26/06/2024 22:52

You've left it right to the end of your post to mention you've had a video system fitted. Is it possible she might think you are filming her so is doing it back to you? How would she know if your cameras can see into her home or not?

It's a doorbell. Only been up a day or so, she has been filming for 3+ weeks and watching us/gesturing for months now.

OP posts:
TheTartfulLodger · 26/06/2024 22:57

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 21:39

Our best guess is she's suffered infertility, now going through the menopause and realising our life of lots of children to visit isn't attainable for her anymore

That's a pretty vile thing to say.

Winnits · 26/06/2024 22:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FantasticFork · 26/06/2024 22:56

Definitely think ring doorbell or CCTV. Does she ever approach your property? What does she do if/when she leaves her own house?

Very unnerving but because it's all on her property it's almost like a grey area where it probably doesn't cross a line into stalking that can be taken further.

FantasticFork · 26/06/2024 22:54

Oh stop! People are allowed to question you especially when the reasons you have put forward for this behaviour are so misogynistic and you cannot entertain the idea you may have offended her in some way, and are unwilling to speak to her

I'm not completely sold on the infertility explanation BUT not every mention of a childless person being less than perfect requires someone to swoop into their defence, you know?

It is possible that someone who's experienced emotional pain related to infertility could develop mental health issues. That doesn't automatically apply to you or any other poster here who may not have children.

TheTartfulLodger · 26/06/2024 22:52

You've left it right to the end of your post to mention you've had a video system fitted. Is it possible she might think you are filming her so is doing it back to you? How would she know if your cameras can see into her home or not?

Baileysandcream · 26/06/2024 22:51

Blimey, I'm post menopause with no kids, living alone. I often stand looking out of my window when I'm chatting to someone on speaker on my phone.

I'm starting to get a bit paranoid about what all the neighbours might be thinking about me.

Might be a stupid question but how do you know for sure she is actually filming you?

Atethehalloweenchocs · 26/06/2024 22:50

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 22:36

Starting to think you're my neighbour to be honest

Oh stop! People are allowed to question you especially when the reasons you have put forward for this behaviour are so misogynistic and you cannot entertain the idea you may have offended her in some way, and are unwilling to speak to her. Leaving now, not entertaining any more of your prejudiced views about women and their worth.

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 22:46

Noseybookworm · 26/06/2024 22:41

Yes, I can understand that 😳 but if you report to police and they go and speak to her, she's going to know it was you anyway 😬

This is very true.

It's just a horrible situation to be in and we all feel so anxious all the time

OP posts:
Noseybookworm · 26/06/2024 22:41

ChunkyChips76 · 26/06/2024 22:32

In a way yes, but I don't want to provoke her

Yes, I can understand that 😳 but if you report to police and they go and speak to her, she's going to know it was you anyway 😬