Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

I wouldn't pay before the wedding. If the wedding is cancelled for any reason, I highly doubt they would return the cash.

Although don't be like my tight arse relatives who RSVP'd yes and did a no show, costing me £££ per head, and they didn't even send a gift as an apology.

What date is the wedding?! Ask for a cash present months before the wedding is pretty cheeky. Especially since you don't know if the wedding will actually go ahead 🤣

Or if you'll be able to attend. I always give a cash gift but only on the day, or afterwards. I don't ever "advance" the couple a few bob!

I don't see an issue with this. It gives people time and flexibility to gift money/voucher as and when they can/if they want to. It's not uncommon for it to come with the invitation either, it covers the awkwardness of it which could lead to confusion about gifts on the day.
This was on the most recent invitation we received and definitely didn't think twice about it.

Well, quite.

I worked with someone who turned her hobby into a thriving business because she realised she could aim what she produced at the wedding market and charge pretty much what she liked. She’s made a fortune.

I can only imagine a lot of the posters on here are older or have no idea on the cost of a wedding these days.

What sort of wedding? The license fee is cheap and so is a registry office.

If couples want stately homes, castles, horse drawn carriages, expensive food, favours, etc etc then they shouldn't invoice their guests 9 months before the wedding to pay it for you.

A wedding is as expensive as you want it to be

I can only imagine a lot of the posters on here are older or have no idea on the cost of a wedding these days.

I, and probably many other "older" posters on here do know how much weddings cost as I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been involved in supporting younger relatives and friends in planning their weddings.
As a mass generalisation, I would suggest that the older MNers probably have experienced more weddings, and have a bit more experience about how much of what some people spend is just so wasteful. There are lots of ways to have a wedding. If you can't afford the one you want, you look at other ways, you don't try and crowdfund it.

I still remember my wealthy friend asking for money for a loft conversion at her £100k plus wedding, absolutely gobsmacking.

Ultimately, they will have spent ages trying to find the best & least offensive way to word this. Instead of gifts, they want money towards the wedding which is perfectly fair. You don’t have to contribute anything.
But your contribution, along with others will mean they can spend money on things you as a guest will benefit from and enjoy to make the day even more fun. It also doesn’t say you have to give a gift at all. I think you either love and care about the couple and want to share their day with them, or you’ll be offended by their invitations and approach to the gift list. If it’s the latter, I suspect there’ll be many other elements of the day you don’t like/ wouldn’t chose / don’t agree with / would have an opinion on. And if that sounds like you, then that might be your cue to politely decline.
Honestly, just take it for what it is, a wedding invite & please stop trying to be offended by what is largely a practical approach to making the day more affordable. Life’s too short.

If you reframe that, they want to include the people they love and make it special for them. They’re going to be spending their wedding gifts on their friends and family.

It's rubbish though. They've said you don't have to give a gift whilst asking for money to.pay for their wedding by September 2024 months in advance so they don't have to pay for what they want.

They put that in there to soften the blow but they absolutely want and expect a gift

Hmm. I didn’t ask for gifts or money for my wedding but at the same time I wouldn’t find this offensive or crass. I would just do as they asked!
you were close enough and important enough to be invited to share the day with them so they obviously felt comfortable asking for what they want rather than be gifted something they don’t need or after the fact! It’s a practical request maybe not worded properly for the faint hearted!

Exactly. And in this scenario they would probably rather no gift than "stuff"

And they've also said no need to give at all. So if people feel strongly - then don't.

Exactly they are crowd funding their wedding and have given a deadline to pay by. September 2024 for a summer wedding

This.
Most weddings we’ve been to over the last 10 years it’s been the norm to ask for cash rather than a physical gift. But the wording is everything- it’s always been worded on the invitations in a ‘we’d rather have your presence than your presents, but if you do feel that you’d like to give a gift we’re gratefully accepting contributions toward our honeymoon’ type of thing. For all I know the cash could have been spent clearing wedding day debts, on a new hot tub, or anything, but that’s kind of irrelevant.
I guess in this case the bride & groom are being honest… But… it does come across as crass & would leave a sour taste in most guests’ mouths, and may well put guests off contributing anything.

Fair point. I would also feel awkward

Are people actually reading the OP's original post?

It's not the request for money as a gift .. it's the fact they are asking for it in advance of the wedding.

As for the poster who 'as a middle class professional in an established career I wouldn't want to hold my wedding in a community hall' ... words fail me .....

@HowIrresponsible

It wasn't really a deliberate snub. It was more that I would have found it so so weird and uncomfortable giving close friends a load of cash!

I've been to loads of huge Chinese weddings where absolutely loads of people are invited and everyone gives money in red envelopes and at the end people sit and open them and pay the bill with the money.

It's a complete waste of money to buy a gift you KNOW will be unwanted. If you're buying it to make a point or (as I think a PP has said) to 'spite' them, that becomes utterly bizarre. Surely in the OP's case you either a) give money if you want to, or b) don't give money if you don't want to - the couple are fine either way.

A gift obviously! Although giving a girlfriend would be rude too 😂

Of course it's rude to give a girlfriend you know someone doesn't want just to make a point!

It's rude and wasteful. You're just giving them something that's going to gather dust and take up valuable space.

If you don't want to give anything - don't. But buying something to 'put them in their place' is far more crass than anything the B&G are doing.

Totally agree! Grabby !

I don't agree it is rude to give a gift. If they don't like it fine. It's rude to state demands.