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Original poster

Wedding invitation asking for cash gifts in advance

330 replies

FishPhoods · 26/06/2024 17:49

We are invited to a good friends wedding next summer. The invitation has arrived today, the wedding is going to be at a country house quite a fancy one, and there's a card for a gift list.

I usually do give cash these days so not sure if IABU to find this offensive:

"To our lovely guests. We really hope you can join us on our special day. We ask that you don't bring any gifts on the day, but would prefer for those of you that choose to give a gift, that you make a cash donation ahead of September 1st 2024 which will help to contribute towards the celebration. All our love"

I think it's the fact they're having what seems to be an expensive wedding and asking the guests to pay towards it - is this the done thing these days??

OP posts:
DedicatedCakeEater · 26/06/2024 19:26

Its a bit: 'tickets for our 2025 wedding are now on sale. Ticket office shuts 1st September 2024'

Beautifulbythebay · 26/06/2024 19:25

Sorry we won't be able to make it. I have bills to pay in September..

Icanttakethisanymore · 26/06/2024 19:25

DamsonDress · 26/06/2024 18:52

Seems fine to me. Practical. Better than wasting money on tootery that's not needed. And they tried to word as nicely as they could.

I personally would be delighted to not have to buy a gift. Cash in card suits me.

i agree asking for cash is fine, very sensible. ‘Cash in advance’ means we can’t afford our wedding unless you pay up in advance, which is a deeply odd situation to get yourself into.

CHEESEY13 · 26/06/2024 19:23

As it requests you "make a cash donation" then why not give any cash to a worthwhile charity and announce to the prospective happy (and cheeky) couple that "I've made a cash donation - just like you asked!"
Watch their faces fall, momentarily, before they remember their manners and stick their Public Relations rictus grins back on......

Reugny · 26/06/2024 19:22

Bloody rude to ask it in advance.

Many cultures give cash as a wedding gift.

I have good friends who having spoken to them over the years knew that it was an acceptable gift and to give them that when they got married.

However as there are various ways of giving the cash e.g. pinning it to the bride, giving it in envelopes, it is never given months in advance.

Icanttakethisanymore · 26/06/2024 19:21

If they haven’t got the cashflow to pay for their wedding they really shouldn’t be having it. Have something cheaper and then they wouldn’t need to ask their guests to pay up in advance to afford it. Really odd.

LunaTheCat · 26/06/2024 19:20

B1anche · 26/06/2024 18:02

I would buy them a toaster out of spite.

🤣🤣

AliTheMinx · 26/06/2024 19:18

I think it's terribly crass...

JumpstartMondays · 26/06/2024 19:17

BuyOrBake · 26/06/2024 17:55

That would really irritate me!!! Very crass

Agree!

maras2 · 26/06/2024 19:16

As we say round here 'scarleh for ya' feck off.

Greatmate · 26/06/2024 19:15

I don't like that they are asking for it in advance and giving a deadline. Although, I think asking for money is pretty standard.

Fivepiece · 26/06/2024 19:10

Lastarse · 26/06/2024 18:36

I am quite surprised some people here defend such behaviour from a bride and groom, I can only draw the conclusion they themselves have asked for money at their weddings and don’t like being called tacky.
It is tacky and decent people wouldn’t send an invite worded like that.

"Decent people" 😂😂

In many cultures recieving cash gifts at weddings is entirely normal. Though perhaps you're the kind of decent person who thinks all cultures outside your own are very tacky.

Screamingabdabz · 26/06/2024 19:10

Itsrainingten · 26/06/2024 18:11

Exactly. Maybe they did it intentionally to weed out the judgy arseholes

Show quote history

All the ‘tacky’ and ‘grabby’ and ‘CF’ hit a nerve eh?

If you can’t afford the wedding then don’t have it. It just looks totally low rent and yes, grabby to decide and host a wedding that you expect other suckers to pay for.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/06/2024 19:07

Same answer as always: since practically everyone gives cash these days there's no need to mention it at all unless you actually want to appear crass

Maybe the "9 months in advance" is because they intend to chase up anyone who doesn't cough up, or coughs but perhaps not what they consider enough?
Frankly I don't know why they don't just sell tickets and be done with it ...

rainfordays · 26/06/2024 19:06

I would probably politely decline the invite in that case! Weddings are already usually an expense for guests to go to with hotel stays, travel expenses, possibly new clothing etc. Asking for money to cover the costs of the big party THEY CHOSE to throw is CF-ery IMO.

DelectableMe · 26/06/2024 19:06

paasll · 26/06/2024 19:05

But you can pay the amount you choose, so it doesn't really matter. If OP is prepared to pay £10 per head, then she can.

Show quote history

I know I can pay the amount I choose.
I was just having a wee joke....

paasll · 26/06/2024 19:05

DelectableMe · 26/06/2024 19:03

I wouldn't pay unless they gave me some control. None of those daft wedding favours and no "dressed chairs" either. No adult bridesmaids and no speeches.
I might just fork for that.

But you can pay the amount you choose, so it doesn't really matter. If OP is prepared to pay £10 per head, then she can.

Scorchio84 · 26/06/2024 19:04

It's a bit tacky, I always give cash to any B&G but I've certainly never been asked to donate before the big day

DelectableMe · 26/06/2024 19:03

I wouldn't pay unless they gave me some control. None of those daft wedding favours and no "dressed chairs" either. No adult bridesmaids and no speeches.
I might just fork for that.

Blouson · 26/06/2024 19:02

It's hardly paying for their wedding. How much does a couple spend on a gift or cash nowadays? Depending on the number of guests is likely only a grand or two.

Beautiful3 · 26/06/2024 19:02

What if it doesn't go ahead, and everyone has sent money beforehand?! I'd rather take a card with cash in it, on the day.

Boxina · 26/06/2024 19:02

Itsrainingten · 26/06/2024 18:10

I think it's fine, so I guess I have no class in your opinion? I'm OK with that though. Better than being a sneary Hyacinth Bucket type 😉

Show quote history

*sneery

😂

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 26/06/2024 19:02

Maybe they are worried that wealthy Great Aunt Bertha isn't going to hold out till 2025 so they are making sure they get her gift while they can.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 26/06/2024 19:01

Oof. That's a bit obvious that they need help paying some installment towards the wedding. They may as well be selling you a ticket.
Fair enough if they want cash but I'd be taking it on the day with me in a card.

Mrsttcno1 · 26/06/2024 19:01

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this really, we’re going to 2 weddings this year and both of them have had something on the invites which basically said “we don’t expect a gift but if you insist on giving one we would love cash to contribute to our honeymoon fund”, I don’t think what they are doing is any different really

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