No one likes me

I always remember going to a parents council meeting at my children's school. I arrived slightly late and all the adult chairs were taken. The only chair for me was nursery sized and I'll never forget sitting a few feet below everyone else while they talked around me.
I never went back to those meetings but did finally realize that there were many other parents as isolated as I was.

I cant really vote reasonable or unreasonable here, because it is never unreasonable to feel how you feel, but it might be unreasonable to place too much importance on it. I think most people feel like this at times. Sorry it is happening to you.

Two things I found helped, one was joining the PTA, mine was lovely and I made some good friends even though my kids are now adults! Helping at school discos/fete extra is a natural way to get to know parents from lots of school years.
Secondly, we moved midway through primary school to an area where everyone seemed to know each other. I think it took me about a year to find my feet and that was as a more 'experienced' school mum. I got kids to invite anyone they fancied over for a play date/tea/birthday party. Then the general chat about those things at pickup turned in to friendly faces/normal chat.

Do you have other friends? Finding real friends in this scenario is the same likelihood as finding them in any other.
I know myself to be a completely socially capable person. I am chatty and friendly and make an effort. I have friends from school, university and work.
My eldest is now 13. In all the years of engaging with school friend mums I can say I’ve found only 4 or 5 who I could truly say were friends, even for a short period. Only really 1 has stuck for an extended period of time.

Look the best version of yourself they will pick up on your confidence. Quality clothes, relaxed blow dry.

Tips:

1. Look for other school mothers that are alone
2. Take a relative or a friend and chat together - one that can manage alone if you do get busy chatting to others
3. A puppy is a massive ice breaker and distraction as is a newborn
4. You only need one friend and build from there
5. Look relaxed and happy even if you are uncomfortable
6. Organise play dates on a Friday and offer a glass of wine at pick up
7. I have loads of friends - the above works!

OP, don't feel like a failure, you sound lovely. The little mumsy-cliques are probably no more than some mums live in the same road.

If your child is happy, that is a success in itself.

I think you're overthinking it. School gate friendships really aren't that important. If one of them gels, then great, but otherwise offer to volunteer once a term, and then stop worrying about it. Concentrate on your friends elsewhere.

Just came on to say that I understand completely how you feel. It's not you.
Don't let it determine who you are because of it.

I use to have a group of mums I could talk to before I moved to a new area and I felt awkward until a mum started talking to me and we are friends years later .

Have you tried talking to them at all, or maybe another mum who's by herself?

It's not easy, but there is usually other quieter people who stand alone. Look out for them and start chatting. You will find your tribe as they say. Doesn't come naturally to me either and have put two kids through primary and have one great friend to show for it which is good enough for me.

You need to feel good about something from elsewhere (whether that’s friends from another context, achievements, small pleasures, work, whatever brings pleasure to your day), and bring that feeling with you to the school gathering. And there’s absolutely no need to turn yourself inside out being terribly polite and smiley — just be yourself, whatever that looks like to you.

I wouldn't say they are cliques. It's more you make friends with people you relate to, or have kids in the same class. I talk to everyone..but naturally gravitate to 2 mums and often stand and chat with them. Because we relate to each other well.

You just haven't found the people you connect with yet.

What worked for me was 1) keep reminding myself to think about whether I liked the other person before allowing myself to worry about whether they liked me. 2) got myself involved in various groups, voluntary and hobby, where I took on a job which meant people had to talk to me. I really to my surprise the other day that I a) no longer expect everyone to be looking at me critically and avoiding me and b) I'm quite happy meeting new people and talking to them.

I agree 2) may be possible at your life stage but look for what opportunities there are. When my children were pre-school, I attended an evening class (in the good old days when there was an abundance of evening class) and when it finished, I asked if anyone wanted to join a follow-up group, and it all started from there.

On the other hand, I have never made a friend amongst my children's friends' mothers

I'm sorry, this is an awful feeling. I feel this from time to time, too. I think we all must do.
One of the best ways I have found to get to know other school parents was involving my kids in team sports. I once created a casual soccer team, messaged some ppl, and next thing you know we are seeing each other every week and have something in common to talk about.

Agree totally with “Seek out the mums who are always standing alone. They'd probably love to have a chat.” They are likely to be feeling the same way as you.

Slap em with halibut...#

(Note: Assault with moistened aquatic animals is an offence in English Law. Do NOT assault people with sea, lake or river living creatures)

Something I learned at my daughter's first school, a LOT of the parents of the kids in my.kids class already knew eachother. Went to school together. Hung out at the same pubs together. Lived near each other. Went to the same gym etc.
I wasn't 'fitting in' at the school gates because I didn't exist anywhere away from the school gates.
Make friends away from the gates.. slap the gate mums with a halibut#

Please don't feel bad about yourself. We moved to a new city and I was so desperate to make friends with the parents because I was so lonely. However, it never really worked out. The others all made friends so effortlessly but I was always an outsider.
I don't know if this is true for you but for me it's because I'm quiet and shy. I find with the school run you see parents for a few minutes a day (and the occasional party) and it's not enough time for people to get to know you properly, if you're a reserved person. The outgoing chatty mums get noticed and everyone warms to them.
My children are now at secondary school. I eventually did make friends with two of the mums who were also quiet, shy and overlooked - but it took many years!
Just forget about trying to make friends with everyone. It's too much pressure. Seek out the mums who are always standing alone. They'd probably love to have a chat.

Not sure what year group your child is in but I feel things do get easier after year 2 and 3. Kids develop hobbies and smaller groups of friends and it's easier to talk to, and get to know a smaller group of mums, especially when the kids have something in common. The cliques are horrid though. Just smile and wave and be approachable so you don't isolate yourself and don't worry if you aren't part of the after drop off coffee. They probably all bitch about each other after anyway which makes you feel even more insecure. And I bet there are other mums who feel exactly the same at your school. We are the other side of primary and in one sense I feel a bit sad that there is no one I can truly say is a friend but also glad that I had a cordial relationship with everyone.

Is there a Facebook or WhatsApp group for parents in your child’s year? On our small town mums’ fb group there are often posts from people saying they don’t have many mum friends and would love to get to know more people, who’s up for meeting for coffee etc. and there are always plenty of positive responses saying they too would like to make more friends.
If you’re prepared to be a bit vulnerable, you could post something like “I’d love to make more friends to chat to in the playground as I don’t feel like I’ve really got to know people yet. Anyone else?” or something of that sort that suits your writing style. I think you’d probably be pleasantly surprised at the responses. You may even get “come and chat with our group” type of thing, people are often more friendly than we initially take them for.

Sorry you're feeling this way. I don't think the majority of people try to purposely exclude others, but I think you're probably right about how events/occurrences where you feel excluded trigger those horrible feelings your felt as a child.

It would be nice if people tried to include people and look out for each other more though - I moved around a lot as a child and know the feeling of having no friends many times over, so I always go up to people who are by themselves. Don't let this get you down OP, and hope you meet some friendly people soon!

Well, that’s what you will be projecting, OP. If someone appears to think no one’s going to want to talk to them, that they’re uninteresting etc, why would someone who barely knows them think otherwise? — people by and large accept you at your own opinion of yourself. What do you like and admire about yourself, OP? What do you bring to potential friendships?

I’m not unsympathetic, OP, because certain places just don’t work for some people, which is why it’s important to make friends in different parts of your life. I had seven miserable years in a village where none of my type of people were, but made friends easily via work in the nearest city.

I would focus less on who likes or who doesn’t like you, and more on who, of the people at any gathering, that you like. You are the most important person in your world. Your opinion of other people matters far more than theirs of you. You’re not auditioning for a bit part in someone else’s drama, you’re at the centre of your own.