To ask if its fair that inclusivity has excluded my DC from their hobby?

Its likely that people are too scared to say. I posted a thread about a SEN childs behaviour in a coffee shop which included smashing cups and throwing a bucket of water over a table. (not all on the same occasion) Only a matter of time before someones property (like a laptop is damaged) Some agreed but a fair few of the hypocritical "it takes a village" brigade told me to mind my own. "it takes a village" means something entirely different than it used to @DImplesandCheese

At my daughter's martial arts club there's a boy who has quite severe learning difficulties. He can't talk, and runs around the hall, often making excited noises. He clearly enjoys it very much, and can't participate at all with the routines and drills. However, everyone seems to take this in their stride, including the instructors, and his presence is joyful.

I wanted to add this experience to the thread, to give a more positive picture of what inclusion can look like.

Yes, very well put, @Errors.

Ah, so you’re one of those people for whom the loudest person gets their own way. Got it.

Conflicting access needs are hard to resolve even with decent leadership. I used to take my autistic son to a local group similar to Scouts (parents/guardians stayed on site). We enjoyed it but when a child with high support needs joined, the dynamic changed. Another parent filed a complaint when the child was aggressive to her toddler, and they did take that seriously and for a time, the child didn't attend. When the child returned, sessions began to be structured around that particular child's needs which was fine at first but then began to develop into dynamic where the particular child began calling the shots and other children were encouraged to just give in for an easy life. My final straw was when the other child's parent told my child off for not sitting down, while their child was bouncing off the walls. We left.

"Inclusivity" is a word that means very little when the environment isn't suitable (or made to be).

We're all responsible for our own happiness.

If Ninas stimming is a way to process her environment and makes her happy then she's not doing anything wrong.

If Nora is bothered by Ninas stimming then Nora is responsible for either accepting and processing the environment, having discussions about accomodations that can be made for her or removing herself from the situation.

Haven’t RTFT but surely, the point of equity and inclusivity is to give ND children additional support so they can perform/engage at as close a rate as possible to their NT peers?
It seems the attitude is that it should be the other way around. That NT children have to change the way they engage instead. This doesn’t feel like a good solution at a societal level!

IT sounds like the club leaders are inappropriately expecting the other children to monitor and regulate the ND child's behaviour, and just 'let it go' when it ruins their own activities/challenges. That's very, very wrong.

Inclusivity is great if appropriate support is in place. Clearly, the support is inappropriate for this child and that should be addressed. Sounds like it won't be, though, as the club leaders sound reluctant to address it with parents or provide 1:1 support themselves for the child.

And if ‘NoraND’ can’t cope with that type of stimming, it’s fine for her to stay at home and be cut off from the community?

Because 'Nina ND' would have every right to stim up and down during your knit and natter. The alternative is 'Nina ND' stays at home and becomes more and more cut off from the community. It's not her fault that she makes you uncomfortable.

I attend a club with one of my ND DC as he cannot regulate without me if things go wrong.

@DImplesandCheese Yes, a child may need that extra support in order to participate. Your example reminds me of a football team that my DS was on. An ND child wanted to participate so his Dad volunteered as an assistant coach. If his son was struggling, he’d support him and sub him out if he needed a break. It worked out really well, because the child had the right support.

As the girl herself said years later (I went to secondary school with her). "How to make friends and influence people, be the reason a bunch of 7 year olds can't do x,y,z?"

She had SMA and was in an electric wheelchair, inclusion would have been involving her but accepting that her involvement might look different from everyone elses for some activities.

Also perhaps a similar situation here in that groups weren't rotated, everything was done in your six.

I really feel for your DC. It must be tough to have something they enjoy become something they dread.
FWIW I don’t think YABU. Could you offer to stay during one of these events? I realise you have enough on your plate with your own DC but it might add weight to the argument that your DC isn’t fixating if you witness it too?

It isn't.

Who told them to leave? Oh, your dc made the decision to leave. I see. Your DC has not had to leave, they decided to.

There was an autistic child in the Brownie pack that I supported and the boundaries were the boundaries for all the children. We made sure we had enough volunteers so that she could have 1-2-1 support if needed, accepted she didn't want to participate in all the activities and provided a quiet space for her to access. She had her moments (as did all of the girls from time to time!) but it was understood that no-one was permitted to disrupt activities or hurt other children. She was a lovely person and neither her nor her parents ever treated ND as a good reason to ruin someone else's experience; she just needed a few accommodations to access the same experiences which we made.

In this situation, the leaders are not safeguarding this child or the other children.

When the inevitable fall out from a plan like this happens the other parents won't be front and centre with you OP, you'll be the lone voice accused of trying to get an ND child kicked out of what should be ostensibly an inclusive fun club. With optics like that it won't matter a jot that you have other ND children, nor that you were never even advocating to kick ND kid out of the club.

At least read OP's posts. She has two ND children.

I suspect the group leaders are between a rock and a hard place. I know a local scout leader who have a number of children in their troop with special needs and challenging behaviour. They get very little support from parents, who would rather drop and run, or enjoy a child-free break when there's a camp. Any attempts to try and address the issues lead to aggression from the parents, or complaints to the District Leaders/local MP etc about child not being included. All the leaders are volunteers, and none of them trained to deal with SEN, so they are just doing the best they can under difficult circumstances. Funnily enough there is actually an SEN scout group locally, but the parents of this group don't want their SEN kids to go there. It's a difficult situation all round so I sympathise.

It's difficult.
I coach and am on the commitee of a couple of sports' clubs and we do want to be as inclusive as possible but it can be very hard to balance the needs of the individual child with those the wider group, especially given that whilst we are all qualified to coach our sport that doesn't necessarily equip us with the skills needed to manage every child with physical disabilities, long term medical conditions or SEN. Generally I have found the parents of children with any kind of additional needs to be very helpful and supportive and if we ask "what do we need to do if..." we get a really good response.
But we have had one or two over the years who have been less helpful, including one parent who threatened to prosecute us for disability discrimination because we asked him to stay at coaching sessions to support his child with ASD. We had no wish to exclude the child or treat them unfairly but we did not have enough volunteers or the correct skillset to keep them safe and engaged and also maintain the safety and well being of the rest of the group. The parent didn't attempt legal action in the end but they left on less than good terms and it caused a lot of ill feeling, the loss of several players and very nearly the resignation of a coach.
I think common sense has to apply. Lots of children with additional needs can safely and happily join in with extracurricular activities with a little extra support, but it's not reasonable to expect volunteer coaches to be able to manage behaviour that mainstream schools haven't been able to cope with.

Well i'm no expert on this and dont have any links, but here goes. The brain is organised differently to neurotypical people. This can affect people in different ways at different levels of severity. It can affect how you process sensory information, including language, affect executive function and reading social cues/information. It can affect your attention and impulse control.

It isn't just ASD and ADHD. There are other types of ND too. Some people are above average intelligence, some average, or in my son's case, also has developmental issues or learning disability too.

I know this isn’t a factor for OP’s child, but I do wonder what the leaders would do if a child couldn’t tolerate noise / disruption / shouting from an ND child because they themselves are ND.