To ask if its fair that inclusivity has excluded my DC from their hobby?

My son is neurotypical and this would upset him. This is two years of the drip drip effect of his challenging behaviour so I think most people would have had enough by now.

why should the OP have to do that?

They're not complaining on how the club normally runs, they are rightly pointing out that the club allowing bad behaviour is ruining it for everyone.

The solution is simple, either ask the carer of the child to stay and support - because the child is obviously not having a great time, or point out that they don't have the support needed and ask them to find another club.

No one is wining here, it's not fair on anyone what's the point.

I agree, sounds like the perfect opportunity for op's daughter to learn how to tolerate different people and not expect everything to go how they want.

It's been two YEARS that child is more patient than me I woukd have been gone in a fucking month

Most people would be a bit annoyed/ upset if doing something the love and it was disrupted by someone behaving badly. It doesn't mean he is neurodiverse.

Can you volunteer to go along to the club to support? Be an extra pair of hands?

Are you sure your son is not also neurodiverse? The reason I ask is that generally speaking, disruptive behaviour is water off a duck’s back to a neurotypical person.
Your son is upset to quite a degree. I presume he doesn’t like the unfairness e.g. losing in tasks because of this boy; he doesn’t like the disruption.

I agree with you that this isn’t right but unfortunately that’s sometimes the way it goes with clubs, particularly those run by volunteers. You take it or leave it, even if they’re being highly unreasonable.

If the others in DC's group feel the same then can they just set up the hobby independently from the club and do it themselves in their own time?

The club may see things a bit differently if it's a whole bunch of people leaving.

Other than that I think the alternative is to explain you're leaving and you'd be grateful if they let you know if the situation changes in future as you'd happily return.

If your child isn't enjoying it any more then quitting does seem like the best idea. Could they try joining something else or another club instead.
I think you are correct that this child needs more 1-2-1 support. Maybe there are some activities they just aren't going to join in so maybe they should do something else. But if they haven't done anything in two years, I doubt they will now. Ie - if they haven't asked a parent to stay and support they won't now!

He doesn't have to leave. Its a good opportunity for him to learn not to let things bother him if they're out of his control. He's bound to come across similar with adults who don't pull their weight or are frustrating to deal with in work environments in the future.

Sadly this happened in one of dd clubs...the club has now folded. The staff member (volunteer) asked if the child mum could attend too and was told no as they should include her dd and not exclude her. Her dd was a flight risk and the three volunteers struggled then one said couldn't do it anymore and by then they couldn't do the activity and sadly the group closed. If the child mum had gone as a 1:1 this group still be going on. I understand op. I feel sorry for the staff members especially if they volunteers

I disagree that it isn't (partly) the child's problem to solve.

Obviously, all people with disabilities should be supported and it sounds like this child needs a support worker with them - that would be the ideal scenario. But that hasn't happened, and it's a shame if either kid has to give up his hobby because of it, so what else can be done?

This is a 13 year old, not a very young child - they are going to come across situations and people like this throughout their life. We all encounter these types of scenarios, where something we want to do cannot quite run to plan/ we can't do what we'd like to do because of someone else. It's frustrating. But the way to handle it is to think what can be done to help everyone have fun, rather than just leave.

It's an opportunity for 13 year old to learn how to confront the world and other people in a mature, resilient and understanding way, rather than just saying "X is SPOILING it for me".

Obviously I'm not saying it's his responsibility to sort the whole thing out, but it's a good opportunity for him to learn something about society and empathy.

It sounds as if your child is the only one complaining. If staff don't have a problem with supporting this child and other children aren't affected, then your DC is the one with the problem. Could you provide more support for your child? It doesn't matter if they're ND or not, they're not coping in this situation. If you speaking to them hasn't improved things could you attend and give your child one to one support so they remain focused on what they enjoy rather than this other child?

It sounds like this could be Scouts. Could your son join another nearby Scout group instead?

Just tell him to get on with the activity as if the other kid isn't there. He clearly doesn't want to join in with that part, and the other kids trying to push him to probably isn't helping and is pointless. Get them to focus on their activity and unless the kid asks to join in then leave him to walk away and the adults to watch him

exactly this.

Being ND is not an excuse for being a disturbance. It's not fair on anyone, and it's not fair on the ND child who is missing the right support anyway.
I wonder if the parents are even aware, that the child is not participating, is clearly not enjoying himself and is ruining it for everyone else. The OP's child is not the only one who is suffering.

it's a hobby, it should not be that hard. Kids have to be supportive at school all day, they are all allowed to have a break.

Let him quit. Not because of the ND child, but because the leaders are useless.

With hobbies, you will generally find that there are some clubs that are about enjoyment and some clubs that are about performance.

So for example, I am in a community choir. It's funded by money for developing the community and welcomes everyone whether they can sing or not. There are a lot of ND people there and a lot of physically disabled people including me. We all accept that people need reminding and take time to learn things because fundamentally it's not about the singing it's about the community.

There are other choirs where you have to audition to join and the standard is very high and if you miss rehearsals you are out.

And there's lots in between.

Sounds like your current club is more like my community choir - it's about taking part. Sounds like your DC wants one that is more about the competition.

So he should probably change club, not because of the other boy but because he wants a different ethos.