To ask if its fair that inclusivity has excluded my DC from their hobby?

The child isn’t barrelling into other children though.

I'd be looking king to find DC a different club. They have to accommodate ND all the time at home so need some respite away from it.

I'd say the club isn't inclusive at all. Inclusive means not only including those who are ND, but supporting them as well. The child isn't supported at all. I would just leave and move on with life - no point in talking to people who won't listen. Find an alternative way to do the hobby, or something similar.

You say you want support for the child, but perhaps the organisers don't have the additional resources to give.

tbh this is something they should have considered when they took the child on and maybe said "we'll do it for 6 months then review". So the club/hobby needs to be inclusive, but the kids doing the hobby ALL need to get something out of it.

With 2 ND siblings, i think OPs DC really could do with a break, if the DC sees this hobby as the break and the child is disrupting it - that's no help to anyone.

So every body else except the organisers should do something to sort out the problem?

The buck stops with them and they should have done something a long time ago.

It sounds like the activity is run by people who won't/can't run it properly. It sounds similar to what can happen in a workplace with a bad manager, yes they have to make adjustments for the ND person but they also have a responsibility for the remaining people too.

He isn't being excluded though is he, he doesn't enjoy the hobby as much but he hasn't been excluded so YABU.

No one is suggesting the child should be asked to leave. But I assume if this lady in your group was throwing things, running around or messing up other people’s projects you would probably work with her to prevent that instead of just letting it happen?

Hobbies are supposed to be fun. Are there other options for him? Different club? Same club, different session?

There's little point expecting the club to fo anything as they've made it clear they're not going to, for whatever reason. So you have to change what you can change. Its not fair, but it's life.

It sounds like a frustrating situation for your child but I don't think they have been 'excluded', they are just no longer happy to take part.

Is there another group locally that DS could go to or try?

It's a difficult situation for everyone really. It's a shame that your son doesn't want to go anymore. It would be absolutely unacceptable to ban the ND child from the group due to their ND.

You say you want support for the child, but perhaps the organisers don't have the additional resources to give. What would you expect it to look like practically? You mention 1:2:1 support but how would this help? Other than the adult constantly shushing them, removing equipment from them, forcing them to take certain routes etc I'm not sure how it would work!

...And I don't disagree that the child having a 1 to 1 support worker is the optimum solution.

(I actually said exactly that).

But that hasn't happened.

So the options are that OP/ her child try to find other positive solutions to help everyone enjoy themselves, or one child or the other stops attending.

Personally I'd try to exhaust the former option first, and would encourage my child to do the same.

Agree with others that for me a lot of this depends on what the hobby is.

If it's a super competitive football team then inclusivity isn't appropriate (and I doubt this situation would arise as kids are cut ruthlessly if they are not up to scratch)

If it is something like scouts then the ability to work in a group and developing social skills to cope in groups is the main point. Op could ask that her child rotates groups in a regular basis but a group like this won't exclude an ND child because the spaghetti tower didn't get built or whatever,

@Easipeelerie

after 2 years of having my hobby ruined because the organisers won't help someone who needs it I'd be upset to huge degree too.

I don’t agree that the child needs 1:1. They aren’t displaying behaviours that I would associate with that. What would a 1:1 be able to do to change the outcome. Seems like challenging attention and listening skills to me.

I bet people would react differently if it was their own adult class, sport or craft, that was consistently disturbed by someone. Most people would stop going and find another one.

I run a hobby group that is attended by a neurodiverse woman who is very loud and quite irritating at times. She takes over, talks a lot and very loudly, and doesn't understand social etiquette.

It's frankly hard work and yes it would be more relaxing and straightforward if she wasn't there, but that's just a really unpleasant and ableist way to be.

I just keep running the session and try to ensure she is included. She is quite disruptive at times and doesn't have a support worker. But it's life. She still has a right to feel involved and included in a community.

If people come and don't like it, that's their choice, they don't have to come back.. but I'm not going to tell someone to leave who wants to be there.

And in reality, the group is very well attended and very few people have actually stopped coming because of her.

@Weetabbix

im sure with 2 ND siblings he already gets plenty of 'learning opportunities'

an ADULT needs to be 1:1 with the ND child so that ALL of the children can enjoy the activity. It's not up to the children to manage the ND child's behaviour to this degree

To me, this is positive discrimination gone nuts.

of course there are rules and boundaries that have to be adhered too, it’s shouldn’t be some people have to conform and others can do whatever they like.

this child should be supported 121 in this if they want to go and it absolutely should not negatively impact others.

im sorry for your DC

not really a good comparison. It would really help if you said what the hobby is, but someone suggested Scouts so let's use that as an example.

the unstructured bit might be a project where they have to gather objects and then build something or whatever. So the boys all get together, choose which bits of the list they'll gather, which bits of the building they will do etc. And this child picks a bit to do - they are all reliant that each will do their part and because this child doesn't do his part, the whole thing can't be done?

if that is the case, the boys themselves need to make one of the volunteers accompany this child and if the child stops doing their part, to take over that bit, so the rest of the group aren't inconvenienced by missing bits.

There are conflicting interests here. You don't want to give the message that inclusivity is bad. But not everyone needs the same support. You don't want to give the message that you should give up on things because not everything goes your way. But you also don't want to give the message that once signed on to a hobby the DC is never allowed to give it up.

Does this hobby group ever have an open day or something where parents and siblings go along to see what they've been doing? Is that a chance for everyone to discuss how it's going and where things could be better for everyone?

It sounds as if the child cannot participate in the activities and the failure to accommodate that is doing him a huge disservice. It’s like having able-bodied football with one kid in a wheelchair in goal: not fair to anyone.

For the OP’s kid there’s accepting that things aren’t perfect and then there’s accepting that your own interests will be completely trashed. I would be wary of teaching my kid to accept the latter. I would also never expect the trashing of someone else’s experience for the sake of my kid.

The OP has 2 ND children at home.. why does everything have to be a lesson for some, but not others?

The OP's child should be allowed to have ONE hobby, not school, not home, where they enjoy themselves. Expecting the club to keep running as it always was, and how it is meant to be, without having to stop and get the staff to sort out situations is not wrong.

I bet people would react differently if it was their own adult class, sport or craft, that was consistently disturbed by someone. Most people would stop going and find another one.

Could there be an element of this hobby was a break from the daily life of dealing with ND siblings? Now neuro diversity is interrupting their break so there is no escape.

They don't have to, but given that they've already asked for extra support and it's not happening, I'd assume the club is under resourced.

As a parent in OP's position, if I had the time, I'd just offer to help for the benefit of my child and others in the group.

The alternative is, as you say, that no one wins.

it's a hobby, it should not be that hard. Kids have to be supportive at school all day, they are all allowed to have a break.

If it's Scouts or something then yes, it's a hobby, but people also learn some very formative life skills from groups like this.

At that age, everything is learning and hobby groups can be an extremely important environment in which people learn important social skills.

You don't have to 'have a break' from being a nice/ supportive person. That's a part of life full stop and applies whenever you're around people both in and out of school.

It sounds as though the ND child really needs parental or other support at this club. I really sympathise.