To ask if its fair that inclusivity has excluded my DC from their hobby?

@DImplesandCheese

my older son sounds like the ND child in your scenario and there’s no way I’d be pleased he was ruining the activity for others.

He should absolutely be accommodated and supported if possible but that doesn’t mean his enjoyment trumps everyone else’s.

I don’t allow my son to stay at activities alone unless I’m sure he can partake properly and is going to be well supervised.

He isn't a 'problem child' 🙄

FFS

The club needs to be inclusive if they say they are an inclusive club. They can't just kick out a child for displaying ND behaviours unless it is unsafe for them to be there, so this isn't going to be an option. They aren't supporting the ND child adequately enough, so it minimalises the impact on the other kids. Sadly people say they are inclusive without really understanding what that means or entails and what is a reasonable adjustment. People have very poor understanding of ND, and underestimate peoples struggles and the support they need.

Bit baffled why you are blaming the child though (it does read that you are more annoyed with the child than the club to me) when they probably can't do much about their behaviour. From what you've described it isn't mild ND if they are stimming a lot and have echolalia, so there should be more support from the club.

I feel sorry for the ND child more than yours to be honest. It can't be nice being in an environment with other kids rolling their eyes at them with little support.

Is this scouts? My DC left their Cub group because there were 3 disruptive kids in their group that just made it a frustrating experience.

They live with ND siblings so are well aware of understanding and accommodations for people with different needs.

Considering this ^ and this is probablyone of the few things your DC does for themselves, this makes this doubly out of order.

Speak to the satff and ask for the child to be put in a different team. At least if it distruption is shared amongst the club, it might be a bit more tolerable.

Teach ds to work around things rather than getting annoyed when they don't go as planned. So you give the example of scavenger hunt. Why doesn't the team partner the dc with another person then if dc doesn't want to carry on the partner does. There's always a work around

YANBU, and that's a shame for your son. If it's no longer enjoyable for him, I'd support his decision and try to find something else he can do, if finding another group for the same hobby isn't practical.

I'd try to take a positive approach: This is an opportunity for him to find or develop a new interest. It's always good to have more than one hobby to keep things fresh!

Bit ableist, no?

Scouts? Sorry if so, but this is volunteer run and they make a point of being inclusive. Can you volunteer as well? Extra bodies might help.

It’s like having able-bodied football with one kid in a wheelchair in goal: not fair to anyone.

We had exactly this sort of situation when I was in brownies nearly 40 years ago. I left...

And I don’t expect you’ll be able to get the people running the club to change anything. Saying your DC is “fixated” and suggesting it might be good if your DC moves on sounds like your DC is making them deal with a problem that they really don’t want to tackle. Your DC leaving lets them ignore the problem a bit easier.

Is it Scouts? Sounds very like a boy in my son's troop. Do you have an Explorer Scouts near you? They can take kids from 13yr 6 months. I'd be looking for an alternative for your son.

I’d be well bored of this too. And what a shame, because this hobby sounds interesting! Any alternatives to the particular hobby? Venture scouts, orienteering?

If this is a paid for activity I'd be complaining more formally - is this something you can go an observe yourself to see if it's as bad as your child says?

The staff seem relieved that your ds may be leaving which makes me wonder if he is the only one with a problem. Perhaps he “fixates” on the other child because he has unexpressed but rather more complicated feelings about his ND siblings than you are willing to entertain.

If they are put in groups can you ask that your DC is put in another group and not with this child? I wouldn't feel awkward about asking that after all our DC need to see us advocating for them.

I’d say the club needs to stop doing the unsupervised activities - this kid needs shoervision. can all the frustrated kids go and repeatedly complain to the staff and request supervision each week?

If this is an activity you pay for then I expect you have more leverage than a hobby club run by volunteers.

Actually a few people have suggested the child should leave.

And yes of course I would then work to prevent that, I would also hope that other people in the club would be understanding that someone is part of a community despite the fact that they may have difficulties.

I'm not saying that the club's behaviour is ideal, it sounds like the child needs a 1to1 (as I've said a lot of times now), but the community within a club can also be welcoming and helpful.

Children and young people need to learn that when you live in a society with other people, things do not always run in quite the way you want them to, because other people are part of that society too, and we have to muddle along together and find solutions.

Have any other children felt the need to leave because of this one child's behaviour? Or is it only your DS who finds it intolerable? I would like to know what the staff at the club would say about this, because if this child is so destructive that other kids are leaving I find it difficult to believe that they would be so unconcerned. I do wonder whether there is an element of your child being unusually intolerant, and you reinforcing that; that's just an impression I get from reading your posts.

I'd love to hear the club's side of this.

Perhaps suggest to the leaders that now they know the Nd child for two years, they keep a special eye on the team Nd child is allocated to and assist the team with strategies so the child is included and doesn't disturb (as another poster suggested). If it's possible then kids will quickly learn to use them. If not possible then the leaders can't wash their hands. They need to get a volunteer or relative stays until behaviour improves. Perhaps Nd child could stay for part but not while session. It could be too much stimulation for them