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AIBU?

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Original poster

Logistics of living with a partner

33 replies

dancemom · 26/06/2024 08:49

Moved in with my partner last month. DC is now an adult (just) and has moved in with a friend in the city, I live 40 minutes away in the country.

DP has a mid teen daughter who stays twice a week. All good there and everyone gets on well so far.

2 weeks ago my DC came to stay, same night as DPs DC stays regularly. Again all good, we got a takeaway and everything was great.

My DC is coming again to stay this weekend at my request, again same night as DPs DC due to logistics of my DCs job. My DC has asked if they and I can go for lunch together just us before meeting up with partner and their DC to go to a shopping centre as already arranged. Fine with me, always nice to have 1 on 1 time with my DC.

DP has objected, states I've already spent plenty time with my DC this past week (which is true, we went to an event together and I stayed overnight with DC) and we should spend time as a 4, it's not very thoughtful to him and his DC and how will he explain to his DC that they just aren't invited.

My opinion is while I have spent plenty time with my DC this week that we should be able to do things separately, it's important he still has 1 on 1 time with his DC and due to my DCs job this night is the only night they can ever stay and if I avoid 1 on 1 things because his DC is there then I'll never get to do them.

Additional information, DP has been awesome, really stepped up and helped me this week when I had a lot on, looked after things at home so I could do all lot this week and has been great overall. Other information is that myself and my DC are exceptionally close, I miss them a lot and we would always have a breakfast or a lunch or something this particular weekend of the month (payday) as a long standing tradition.

So AIBU to think it's okay to go to lunch with just my DC and meet back up with DP and his DC after for other activities?

OP posts:
ExpectationsRunningHigh · 26/06/2024 09:17

Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2024 08:58

Massive red flags from your partner, and if I were you I would be reevaluating living together already. This does not bode well at all. You spending one on one time with your child should not be up for debate or questioning by him.

All of this.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/06/2024 09:16

I would be telling him to move out after thinking he had any say on how much I saw my own DC.

Get him out, how fucking dare he.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2024 09:15

Additional information, DP has been awesome, really stepped up and helped me this week when I had a lot on, looked after things at home so I could do all lot this week and has been great overall.

I'm curious as to what you mean by this. He "stepped up?" You make it sound like he deserves an award for doing basic adulting.

DeliciousApples · 26/06/2024 09:12

I'd be asking if your partner had wanted to do a surprise something like taking you to lunch 'as a family' all four of you and was your plan to meet your child first spoiling that nice surprise or something?

As if not, you need time with your child.

Is it because he expected you and he would travel into town together and now you need to go earlier he will be sat along somewhere waiting or something?

What is the actual problem?! If it's your relationship with your child he needs to butt out. However it may well be something else he's not told you, like logistics.

If it's a lunch one, an option would be to meet your child for coffee and then all meet up for lunch. Giving you time alone and time as a blended family.

You have the rest of your life with this man. He needs to chill. Of you need to consider your options as he can't be dictating your life.

He needs one on one time with his child too.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2024 08:58

Massive red flags from your partner, and if I were you I would be reevaluating living together already. This does not bode well at all. You spending one on one time with your child should not be up for debate or questioning by him.

skippy67 · 26/06/2024 08:53

Your DP sounds problematic.
Already.

JLT24 · 26/06/2024 08:52

Put your foot down and go otherwise it’s a slippery slope to being told what to do and when. Make sure those boundaries are in place now. Honestly it’s a major red flag to me, he has no right to tell you when you can see your own child and to force you to spend time with his child, you are being reasonable by offering to meet up as a 4 after 1-2-1 time with your child.

Imustgoforarun · 26/06/2024 08:51

You are not being unreasonable.

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