To let Sen ds miss sports day

@EsmeeMerlin then I’d keep him off. You’ve already got plenty of evidence so no need to generate more.

it’s awful though, isn’t it. DD2 melts down regularly and I’m faced with either trying to stop it, or letting it happen so there’s more to take to CAMHS.

Another vote for keeping him off. My autistic son (aged 5) had a miserable few hours last week at sports day, as did I. Not only did he struggle with the total change in routine and setting, he was thrown by how they had to transition quickly from one ‘fun’ activity to the next. He ended up in a state and I know was painfully aware of how he wasn’t joining in with the others. He was then off kilter for a few days afterwards. None of this is helped by him also suffering from hayfever! In short, let him miss it and enjoy a calm time with his aunt!

Skip sports day, perhaps you could do a family one during the summer instead with trophies up for grabs so there's no missing out.

In terms of sport though, dont write it off completely. You just haven't found the right one yet and they can be invaluable in regulating. Rock climbing or similar is often popular with autistic children,it's largely physical problem solving so suits those with a logical mind.

Do try rugby, it's great for autistic DD. The physicality side is great for getting the 'grrs' out. The rules and structure are good too. There are several National autistic players and if you are in Scotland I believe they have a specific programme. A winter sport so generally played September - April so the bright sun and heat and general sweatiness are less of a problem.

I've found the coaches to be very supportive, on match days DD does the warm up and second half only in her position - if she's up for more she'll take it on the day but coaches check with her first instead of thrusting her in the deep end.

The only possible reason to send him in would be if the inevitable meltdown and subsequent days of dysregulation would be helpful in getting him the support he actually needs. It depends on how much evidence you already have of problems.

There’s potentially a risk that if you keep him off, that could be spun as you being the problem, meaning it’s a reason for the council not to take his problems seriously. ‘Mum keeps him off rather than working with the school’ style thinking.

Personally, I’d keep him off.

Wish I’d kept my 10 year old autistic DD off this year because it was boiling hot, she cried and wouldn’t participate. Next year she can stay at home. The fact it’s even entered your head that he could stay home with his Auntie means it’s the right decision- go with your gut.

Great point.

YANBU - a day with his aunt is an excellent alternative.

My NT children hated sports day so they used to have the day off. My youngest has SEN and also misses it as it causes so much stress.

I went to my son's first sports day yesterday and I left overwhelmed, a bit ratty, knackered and done. So I can not imagine how a 6 year old with autism would feel. The Change of routine, overload of the senses, and as you say the moment they take him away because it is too much for him... Well it's too late. It shouldn't get to the point of it being too much for him. I think you know your kid and that he won't cope with sports day so aunty and nephew day sounds amazing. I wouldn't blame you at all. And I am a teacher so often say get on with it and it is part of school life. But not in specific cases.

keep him off.
They haven't actually made an effort to make it an inclusive sports day for him anyway. A plan for a 1 to 1 to take him somewhere quiet is nice but it's not inclusion at its finest.

100% they should. So many of our kids are natural coaches and trainers, empathetic, able to get the best out of others, or good refs or whatever, why not develop those skills and offer kids that fitness/trainee coach type option too?

Both my sports day avoiding now late teens dds are fit and sporty - they just prefer dance / gym / hockey to sprinting in front of a baying crowd.

I've worked in fitness and with athletes all my life, and I can't tell you how global the 'sports day and PE made me bloody hate sport' message is 😄. Keep your boy off, sports day is a misery for many and I can't see the experience doing anything other than making him hate sport' and feel unsporty.

My 7yo got as far as the classroom door and then went into panic mode and would not move. She'd been complaining of tummy ache so I knew it was anxiety based. Tbh I'd expected it, so had made plans to be with her, as I know that with a little patience, support and understanding she does actually enjoy some of it (and can be quite competitive) and would have regretted not taking part.

I told her I wasn't going to force her to do anything and that we'd just sit in the sunshine, have a cuddle and watch/ cheer her team on. I said that if she decided she wanted to give something a go then that was fine. School were totally supportive of this approach. Her relief was immense, all the weight dropped from her shoulders. She ended up deciding to join in with a parachute game and did the final running race. She had fun and was so proud of herself that she was able to say she'd been brave and participated in her final infants school sports day (regret is often a big part of her psychology, hence the approach I took).

Our ehcp focuses on building her resilience while giving her a safety net. As her mum, I know her best and knew this approach would work. School supported me. Listen to your child, listen to your gut. If you believe that pulling your child out altogether is the right course of action, then absolutely do it.

Our next challenge is the school leavers production. She's so excited on the one hand, but we know she'll spin into dysregulation so will need a back up plan.

My son is not SEN or ND he never went in for sports day. He’s now 16 and not attending a single sports day has not affected him. Some kids ND or not just genuinely hate sports day and I think that’s ok. Personally I think the school should offer other activities on sports day. By secondary school my friend who is teacher admits attendance is lower on sports day.

Not unreasonable at all. Have a lovely day together.

My SEN son got so badly bullied over sports day in reception he has NEVER once participated in sports day. He always goes to school, but they find him a job to do like collecting the equipment or putting it out or giving out the stickers
This year I may not make him go.

My DD is NT and I've always let her stay off. She detests it.

Ah keep him off, and don’t think twice about it.

It’s supposed to be fun! It’s too public if you are shit at athletics. For some kids it’s the stuff of nightmares. Dd1 and I would have a book day and read our books in the garden studiously ignoring the yells and shouts from the school across the road!

In this situation I wouldn't even think about it, let him have a lovely day with his auntie. He won't get anything out of the day other than stress. Let him know now he doesn't have to do it so he's not worrying.

No, sports day is supposed to be fun and if he’s upset he won’t enjoy it, it will be stressful for his teacher and 1:1 and everyone there will feel sorry for him being so unhappy. There’s no benefit to anybody!

I gave my ds a choice every year. He always chose not to attend until he was a teen then he maybe went twice but no more. The heat was too much for him too.
Honestly School will probo be relieved and use his 1:1 for other jobs ( I know my ds school did)

Both mine bog standard NT - sports day is optional in this house.