Nearly 14 year old and fake tan limits

Sorry, edited as realised the thread was a zombie thread

Really need advice , my 12 year old daughter in last few months has slowly spiralled and is out of control. I’ve tried everything that I can think of to try and get her to be happy , I’ve now done a self referral for mental health and spoken to school. She has started hitting me in the face , shouting at me constantly, I know she needs help and doing my best to get her all help I can , I paid for meditation class for her but she wouldn’t go , holistic healing she won’t do , even though in primary school she used too, she is obsessed with the way she looks , fake tans , eyelashes ! Her self esteem is very low, I’m starting to struggle to cope, I’ve agreed to a parenting course via school even though I know I’m doing best just incase I’m missing anything. Any tips on how to save your own sanity whilst your child goes through this ? Feeling scared about the kind of Adult she going to become , she has absolutely zero respect for me , I do not know what I’ve done so wrong but she says daily she hates me, and everything is my fault ! She hates the way she looks , she hates her life and me, I feel so alone and desperate that’s why I’ve posted tonight , any words of wisdom welcome ? Please be kind I’m really struggling at moment.
anything I can do to help my little girl ?

My 14 year old wanted fake tan, I helped her to apply it on her legs and arms, she just wanted to experiment. She occasionally uses it on her legs herself, but the novelty seems to have worn off. The way I see it is she’s growing up and if I say no to her naturally wanting to experiment it will make it more desirable anyway…there’s worse things than fake tan to worry about.

Christ. Worst things to get het up about.

My DD’s sheets look like one of those crime scene outlines, but they’ve coloured the middle in brown/orange 😂

I can't think why it's a big deal.
I can think how it could become a battle zone though, and it's not worth it.
Leave her to it. Trying to stop teenagers from following trends and experimenting is like trying to stop the tide coming in.
And I personally think we shouldn't want to. Yes, trying to keep them from putting themselves in dangerous positions is needed. But interfering unduly in the teenage experimental process, when it's not harmful, is, imo, not helpful in their development of self.

Leave her too it, definitely not worth any aggro with her and at 14 I'd think she was just beginning her interest in beauty n all that

Show her the episode of Friends with Ross and the tan 😂

Just because a teenager may not get the message it doesn’t mean it’s not one worth sending

did you just refer to a 14 year old as your 'little one'? 🙄🤔

Just wait until she starts the Ming the Merciless eyebrows phase, endless comedy potential

I trust that fake tan has changed since I was that age and wore it. I was blessed with an ample sprinkling of blackheads on my face, and the fake tan made them more noticeable, only now they weren't blackheads but very dark brown heads.......

I wore fake tan at that age. I see lots of girls dc age (13) wearing it. Dd doesn't as she swims 5/6 times a week so I've told her if will go streaky. It's also not good for the skin (clogs pores etc) and dd very into her skin care.

Could you compromise and get her the tan drops (like tan luxe) that can be mixed with moisturiser.

When my DD was that age and going through the orange stage (with red hair for extra ridiculousness), I remembered that when I eas her age I was wearing blue eyeliner, eyeshadow and mascara, pale pink lipstick and crimped hair, and thought I looked fantastic.
Teenage girls experimenting with their looks will always happen, its a rite of passage.

I've let it go with DTs, better than getting a tan using baby oil as I did at that age.

Unless she is going full satsuma and smelling like a bag of biscuits I wouldn't say anything. It's better than sunbeds or sunbathing.

Pick your battles OP. Far worse things than fake tan and as a pp said it's a bit of a pain to maintain. So she'll probably loose interest as long as you don't turn it on to a big thing that makes her want to dig her heels in!

Who was the poster who said she went for a meal with her niece and felt like she was sitting across the table from a satsuma with false eyelashes

😂😂😂😂😂

Mine went through a stage of being extremely orange at that age.
As others have said the interest wore off eventually and now she only puts it on rarely for special occasions.
if you’re going to be strict about anything then make it the fact that she needs to use a sheet protector.

This is a perfect plan!

I agree with most of the other posters that fake tan, whilst it can look ridiculous if overly orange or applied badly, is not a terrible thing. Most of us can look back at photos of ourselves at that age and wonder what on Earth we we were thinking with our own dodgy hair or make up etc.

I do understand you don’t want her looks to become all consuming but it’s much better than lying out on in the sun to get a tan like I did (and now I’m a wrinkled old prune).

It's better than real tan

My DD's the same age and obsessed with skin products, one of which is fake tan. She spends a fortune in these products. I don't even know what half of them are for!
I just let her get on with it. I'm sure it's a phase. If I tried to stop her, I'm sure she'd just buy it sneakily.

Pick your battles

A nearly 14 year old isn’t ‘passed being obsessed with her looks’. Surely that is just the beginning of experimenting with different looks!?

I was pretty orange 14-18 and it didn’t harm me, even if my hands were often a different colour to the rest of my body.

Still kind of miss having a perma tan…

It’s expensive and a lot of effort to maintain, just leave her, she’ll lose interest,
If she has a Dad that can pretend to mistake her for Donald Trump, than that can help to speed things up,