Husband sulks

Apart from that we only have one viewpoint and don't know the history. It's never a bad thing to step back and think "did I play a part? Could I be making things worse in the relationship between 2 people by trying to intervene?" It doesn't mean you are or it's wrong but thinking wider often opens our mind to others points of view even if you don't think you did wrong it helps you mediate and empathise if needed .....and I'm not saying it is.
Often the blow up or in this case increasing shut downs is caused by other things that are building up.
My mum used to get upset and think people were arguing when they were just discussing things because she never questioned anyone's opinions....it got really annoying because you couldn't talk to anyone around her. If op is like my mum she would say but they are always arguing when they aren't.

Except @jannier one is an adult. A sulker who gives the silent treatment. OP needs to intervene here.

It was a suggestion to think about you don't need to get so worked up.
With children we say leave them to sort it out unless necessary so they find their way.....maybe these two need the same?

Counselling. I had a sulker and now I don't. It wasn't the sole reason for counselling but it was a decent chunk of it. It is now fully resolved so there is hope. I was at a point where i ws genuinely willing to walk away though so I think sometimes they need to feel the fear of knowing that they will need to rebuild their life if they don't commit to resolving this.

I'd be pissed if someone told me to shut up.....sounds like they were having typical football chat and you felt left out. Is you stepping in always the catalyst?

After reading your OP I thought it would be alpha male bullshit with your stepson and bingo it is.

The amount of times this comes up both on here and irl is a really sad indicator of fragile male ego.

All the men in my family are like this OP. Yes, it is very boring, not to mention stressful to be around. Sending hugs.

"Little comments send him into silent mode all night which creates an atmosphere.
Example: he was debating with ds about the football and it was getting a bit heated so I told them both to shut up which dh took very literally and has sat in stony silence ever since."
You tell him to shut up, in front of his step-son, and you're surprised by his reaction?

This thread.

I think people are focusing too much on the OP having told her husband and son to shut up. She says that he sulks often. There’s another thread on husbands sulking where someone says that their husband sulks if the floor is at his feet and the ceiling above his head.

I would tell him that sulking is abusive behaviour and if he wants to continue in the relationship needs to stop it.

@funnybones23
"Life is hard as we have a toddler together (no childcare so never get a break) and I have a teen ds from previous marriage"

I know this isn't what you're talking about, but this leapt out at me. If life is hard is that really why? How is life hard? Is there anything you can do about it?

Yes, I would go with this approach - I would not be the one to try to clear the air. I’d simply teach him that the silent treatment does not punish me - he needs to know you’ll just happily ignore it. If he knows it’s bothering you, he’ll keep doing it.

He's a abusing you, pure and simple.
Ignore him and start thinking about what you want your future to look like.

I spend a lot of time mediating between him and ds

Could this be the real problem? Is the sulking regarding ds?

It's really rude to tell someone to shut up just because you no longer want the conversation.

Sulking is annoying. You could talk to him when he's not in a sulk and explain how frustrating it is. Or treat him like a child and ignore his poor behaviour.

I would apologise for saying shut up though.

I also would not react in a good way to being told to shut up.

notwithstanding, sulking is an atrocious character failing, and a disgusting habit to practice in front of your children, and therefore of course inculcate in them.

I dont know the best way to deal with a sulker when owning their behavior, or even hearing that other people recognize it is such an existential threat to them. In simple- I left mine and true to form he’s still sulking about it, years later.

Maybe he’ll grow out of it, but I don’t think I could live with myself until I had said to him that his sulking is ruining your marriage, and that you are asking him to stop. Of course he will deny he’s a sulker at the start, but maybe that leads to “OK, call it what you like but the substance of your actions, is ruining the marriage. So can we focus on the ruined marriage rather than argue the toss over the label to avoid dealing with the real issue.”

Has he always been like this? Sulking is so unattractive

And does DH feel like the 'shut up' was aimed at him but not your son and you were taking sides?
Obviously your son comes first, but there is a balance. How do you react when DS is rude?

To be fair, if my DH told me to shut up I'd be pretty pissed off and probably wouldn't feel like talking to him either. Is it sulking or is it him just being upset because you've had a go at him?

I mean how heated were they? If they were just very loud and animated and actually enjoying a debate you were rude to tell them to shut up. I would have gone and done something else if the noise was annoying me.

I'd be furious if DH told me to shut up.
Neither of you seem able to communicate appropriately

You told him to shut up.
Literally to shut up?
Do you normally speak to him like that?
I wouldn't call it getting the silent treatment if you spoke to him like that and then he didn't want to any close contact. Most people wouldn't.