I have a fever and my husband has gone out

If he happens to get I’ll with it himself, please don’t even THINK about looking after him

He can bloody well sort himself out

OP this isn't a wake up call - he'll help or do the bare minimum until the next time. No man worth his salt needs to be told to stay at home and help his wife and children when they're all ill. He should have been helping with the children early on.

As a guide (not a boast) when I was a SAHM the children and home (if I had the time! I also had a cleaner!) were my job UNTIL my husband was home then evenings and weekends were split 50/50. If i had a real lack of sleep during the week I would get both lie ins.

It would never occur to my husband to be sat down after work relaxing while I continued to do everything for everyone.

Your husband is awful - so sorry.

At the very least you must stop having sex with him or sleepy in the same bed as him or doing anything for him beyond the bearish minimum. Don't let this man use you.

So you asked him for help, told him you couldn’t manage, he just replied bye - then tries to make the excuse that he didn’t realise you were ill?? What a pathetic cunt. He can’t even own what he did. What a crap husband and crap father he is. I really hope, when you are feeling better, you look at the big picture and realise this is not what a good marriage is like. Make your life better…

This man doesn’t love you

Time to sit him down and have a serious conversation about your marriage and make sure he knows you mean business if he still acting like a selfish piece of shit get rid.

Default parents and home makers need regular breaks, holidays and peace and quiet, just the same as salaried people.

The dangerous and misogynistic narrative that non salaried working people (that's what SAHM are) aren't entitled to rest, and time out for own pursuits needs to stop.

We need to stop men from peddling this narrative and more importantly, we as women need to stop pushing it too.

Mothers are not domestic appliances.

I know quite a few people who have had whooping cough even though they are vaccinated. I'm one of them!

Weren't you all vaccinated against whooping cough?

You need to go back to work fulltime and get your independence back for a start, and you need to lay down the law to the POS you are married to.

Tell him how embarrassed you were that your parents had to cover for him, and that he needs to take time off work to mind your children because you're not wel enough and you won't be doing it.

Stop doing anything for his parents too because that is his job not yours.

Hope you feel better soon x

Thank goodness for your parents OP. Your DH is an absolute POS. You are right he doesn't care. No decent human would have gone out in those circumstance especially if it's something they do regularly. He seems to have engineered his life so he has very little responsibility for caring for any of you. As PP have said he would probably have a more meaningful relationship if the DC if he had them one weekend a month. And you could find someone to share your life with or not, but at least you would have another child to deal with.

So he’s a flagrant liar, as well as a monstrously selfish piece of shit.

I’m so sorry, OP. Feel better soon.

Poor you! Pneumonia is awful- I hope he feels like a total cock, but sadly from what you have posted I doubt it. Of course he knew you were ill, you told him multiple times and asked him to stay at home -because you were ill. The audacity of him.

He’s claiming he didn’t realise you were ill? The mind boggles.

hope you recover asap

I hope you've woken up slightly improved OP. Best of luck.

Well he’s a complete arsehole isn’t he?? Fuck that, can’t help look after his own kids when his wife is poorly?? He’s telling you exactly what he thinks of you!! I’d be listening to that loud and clear

I’m so sorry you are still married to a man that not only doesn’t help you as a parent but actively makes life harder. It seems the only thing he brings to the family table is his wage.
and it seems he’s not shy about spending it on himself.

God op we all had whooping cough about a month ago - all 4 of us (me and 3 teens/young adults) and it was brutal. I really feel your pain. He's an arsehole, but sadly this is exactly what my ex husband was like. They really just can't see beyond their own wants and needs.

Divorce was my solution and I've never regretted that decision even though it's tough managing everything alone (he doesn't see them any more - his choice).

Ideally you leave him but it's not always that simple. I'd stop doing the things for his parents and when he is sick.

When my mum died I swore to myself I'd never help dh sort out his parents decline. I asked him for help with the LPA and my sister. Neither could get round to it. Then she died. I let my sister sort the entire estate. I said to both I'm on my knees I can't cope. So why would I choose to do that again. If I did I'd get lumped with everything so on that basis I will offer nothing. I had to go to a mental health crisis hub.

People see you coping and doing so they sit back and let you do it all.

I hope you do feel better soon but consider a GP appointment aschesg infections can then nasty.

These men are just awful. In his mind he might think you are trying to control him, which makes him the victom so justifies him leaving. It does show he has no compassion or empathy which makes a healthy relationship impossible.

That's absolutely awful. He is absolutely taking the piss. You'd be a lot better off without him.

He is a dick. You can do better. You are already doing it on your own anyway.

If you have whooping cough you need antibiotics. Your parents will also possibly need them too if they had a lot of exposure to you.

Try and get some sleep and then phone the GP in the morning.

Leave dealing with your H until you feel a bit better and have the energy. Don't do anything for him at all, you need to conserve your energy for you.

Don't do anything at all for him or his parents now. Don't lift a finger.

Wow.
The giant shitbag got torn recently and these "husbands" spilled out.
Sorry OP, hope you feel better soon.
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