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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All-day festival disappointment

65 replies

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:14

Hi everyone. My dad has very kindly purchased tickets for me, him, his friend, and a friend of my choosing to attend an expensive all-day music festival.

My parents separated before I was born and have never, ever done anything together as a family unit due to tension which is still present (including his current partner not liking my mum, etc.). However, my mum is really upset because she’d like the 4th ticket. I have been trying to tell her politely that it would be weird and awkward and that I would rather invite a friend, but she’s not taking no for an answer and is really upset and disappointed because my friend has said yes to the 4th ticket. AIBU? Surely it should be up to me who I invite/parents should accept it won’t always be them who are chosen? Let me know your thoughts because I know a lot of you are mum’s yourselves! 😁

OP posts:
Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:33

FTPM1980 · 25/06/2024 14:32

No she's not
She isn't going to be there

Show quote history

No, but manipulative and hostile before I set off, etc. :(

OP posts:
FTPM1980 · 25/06/2024 14:32

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:30

I just know she’s gonna be awful on the day….

No she's not
She isn't going to be there

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:30

I just know she’s gonna be awful on the day….

OP posts:
Frostynight · 25/06/2024 14:09

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:46

She’s now also acting jealous and being mean about the friend I am taking! She could easily arrange to go independently of us. She has the funds to. She’d just need to ask around and see if anyone’s free to join her if she didn’t feel comfortable going alone? I guess time is running out though, it’s next Saturday

See, acting jealous - manipulation.

My counsellor called them "tricks". She'll try everything, just ignore her.

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:52

OnceICaughtACold · 25/06/2024 13:50

She’s nuts. Honestly it’s totally unreasonable for her to expect to have the fourth ticket. Even if it wasn’t your dad taking you!

I agree. At 27, I should be allowed to invite a friend/she should accept that she won’t be invited to absolutely everything. It is only one ticket that I’ve been gifted for a friend, and I have lots to choose from!

OP posts:
OnceICaughtACold · 25/06/2024 13:50

She’s nuts. Honestly it’s totally unreasonable for her to expect to have the fourth ticket. Even if it wasn’t your dad taking you!

BlondeFool · 25/06/2024 13:50

She's being nuts!!

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:47

She didn’t even know this festival existed until I told her I’d been treated to a ticket. Had to explain what it was

OP posts:
Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:46

She’s now also acting jealous and being mean about the friend I am taking! She could easily arrange to go independently of us. She has the funds to. She’d just need to ask around and see if anyone’s free to join her if she didn’t feel comfortable going alone? I guess time is running out though, it’s next Saturday

OP posts:
FTPM1980 · 25/06/2024 13:42

WayDownThere · 25/06/2024 13:39

She's just thinking of herself, my MIL wanted my partner to ask his Dad (her ex-husband) if she could have the holiday caravan that he'd bought with his new wife for a week. Couldn't understand why my partner refused to do it!

That doesn't seem too bad...but depends on the relationship. And if relationship that good she could ask him herself.

AGlinnerOfHope · 25/06/2024 13:42

She’s not going to listen. She’s decided she wants it and it’s unfair not to have it and anyone denying her clearly doesn’t even love her and will be sorry when she’s dead…

Have you read up on FOG? Fear Obligation and Guilt? Worth a look if this isn’t unusual from her. You’ll be surprised how much she controls your outlook and attitudes still.

Sadly you have to be the parent in this situation and employ a kind, patient loop response of ‘what a shame, you’re really disappointed. I can see how disappointed you are. We’ll have to do something nice another time.’

Do not say sorry. Do not engage with what if, how about, or if and but….

Change the subject- look, a shiny thing, we could go and look at that new restaurant..
Be vague and hard to get hold of- sorry I couldn’t answer earlier, work is mayhem at the moment, have you seen that new neighbour yet…

Distract, deflect, vague, repetitive.

AzureBlue99 · 25/06/2024 13:42

She is a weirdo. Why on earth should she expect to go with you?

Frostynight · 25/06/2024 13:40

This is definitely a case of stick to your boundaries. Even if she tries all the usual tricks (getting upset, getting angry, threats, trying to guilt you - all manipulation).

Just say, no, it's been decided and I'm not discussing it again.

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:40

FTPM1980 · 25/06/2024 13:38

How old are you OP and how long has you DF been with current partner?

If it was just an ex-BF you would think they could have got on all right over the years to do things as a family before. The fact that you haven't says to me there us more to it that just his current partner not liking her...perhaps the fact she has no boundaries was a reason for the split and on going tension?

Anyway - no.
They are a gift for you, you get to choose.
But as your DF bought them and is also going he does IMHO get a say/veto. So even if you did ask your mum your dad could say no, don't want her to come. And she should respect that.

Plus you have already asked your friend...its a done deal

I am 27 and they were only together for a few months before my mum fell pregnant with me. Dad has been with current partner since I was 9, so 18 years now if I’ve done the maths correctly! They have 3 children of their own together: 19, 17, and 9.

OP posts:
WayDownThere · 25/06/2024 13:39

She's just thinking of herself, my MIL wanted my partner to ask his Dad (her ex-husband) if she could have the holiday caravan that he'd bought with his new wife for a week. Couldn't understand why my partner refused to do it!

FTPM1980 · 25/06/2024 13:38

How old are you OP and how long has you DF been with current partner?

If it was just an ex-BF you would think they could have got on all right over the years to do things as a family before. The fact that you haven't says to me there us more to it that just his current partner not liking her...perhaps the fact she has no boundaries was a reason for the split and on going tension?

Anyway - no.
They are a gift for you, you get to choose.
But as your DF bought them and is also going he does IMHO get a say/veto. So even if you did ask your mum your dad could say no, don't want her to come. And she should respect that.

Plus you have already asked your friend...its a done deal

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:35

Roseyjane · 25/06/2024 13:34

Is it rewind..

Show quote history

No not Rewind. Haven’t heard of them before xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:35

AstonMartha · 25/06/2024 13:34

How old are you?

27

OP posts:
Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:35

Newtrix · 25/06/2024 13:32

Is she usually unreasonable in this way?

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Unfortunately, yes. Doesn’t seem to take no for an answer

OP posts:
Roseyjane · 25/06/2024 13:34

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:32

It seems to be mostly about the music. She likes some of the artists because they’re 80s. But there’s nothing stopping her from buying a ticket herself?

Show quote history

Is it rewind..

AstonMartha · 25/06/2024 13:34

How old are you?

Rashhhh · 25/06/2024 13:32

Yeah you shouldn’t take her!

Is there a favourite band of hers playing that she’s desperate to see or something?

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:32

Roseyjane · 25/06/2024 13:31

Could she have a thing for him still? The only thing I can think of is she wants to spend the day with him and his mate.

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It seems to be mostly about the music. She likes some of the artists because they’re 80s. But there’s nothing stopping her from buying a ticket herself?

OP posts:
Newtrix · 25/06/2024 13:32

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:31

She genuinely doesn’t seem to understand the weirdness. Keeps saying his current partner doesn’t need to know, etc!

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Is she usually unreasonable in this way?

Roseyjane · 25/06/2024 13:32

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:31

She genuinely doesn’t seem to understand the weirdness. Keeps saying his current partner doesn’t need to know, etc!

Show quote history

Yeah, she might still have a thing for him..