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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All-day festival disappointment

65 replies

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:14

Hi everyone. My dad has very kindly purchased tickets for me, him, his friend, and a friend of my choosing to attend an expensive all-day music festival.

My parents separated before I was born and have never, ever done anything together as a family unit due to tension which is still present (including his current partner not liking my mum, etc.). However, my mum is really upset because she’d like the 4th ticket. I have been trying to tell her politely that it would be weird and awkward and that I would rather invite a friend, but she’s not taking no for an answer and is really upset and disappointed because my friend has said yes to the 4th ticket. AIBU? Surely it should be up to me who I invite/parents should accept it won’t always be them who are chosen? Let me know your thoughts because I know a lot of you are mum’s yourselves! 😁

OP posts:
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Original poster
Doglover321 · 07/07/2024 09:56

I was stood outside waiting for him and she insisted keeping the door open, waiting for him to turn up herself. Even though I told her to just go inside and I can greet him. When he finally got to us, she told him how jealous she was and that she really wanted a ticket, but then left it at that. Phew. I think she might still have a thing for him though….

OP posts:
TheDuck2018 · 02/07/2024 16:38

Doglover321 · 02/07/2024 14:43

Dad’s friend can no longer make it due to being in hospital, so I have been told to invite a 2nd friend of mine. Invited 2nd friend this morning who can come. Mum is livid again!

Really .....???

BeanCountingContinues · 02/07/2024 16:27

You need to practice not telling her stuff.
Never volunteer information. Only talk about inconsequential things.
If she asks questions, practice having some vague replies, like "Oh I'm not sure" or "I don't have any plans made yet" or "I'm going out with X friend tonight, we haven't decided where to go".

Latenightreader · 02/07/2024 14:51

Doglover321 · 02/07/2024 14:43

Dad’s friend can no longer make it due to being in hospital, so I have been told to invite a 2nd friend of mine. Invited 2nd friend this morning who can come. Mum is livid again!

Why did you tell her? You are completely doing the right thing in not giving her the ticket, but it feels a bit like rubbing it in.

Original poster
Doglover321 · 02/07/2024 14:43

Dad’s friend can no longer make it due to being in hospital, so I have been told to invite a 2nd friend of mine. Invited 2nd friend this morning who can come. Mum is livid again!

OP posts:
Original poster
Doglover321 · 28/06/2024 13:24

Thanks to all who have voted. Seems I’m not being unreasonable x

OP posts:
justthecat · 25/06/2024 19:33

You need to stop sharing too much with her if she holds it against you.

Roseyjane · 25/06/2024 17:31

Createausername1970 · 25/06/2024 17:21

Do you have the physical tickets for you and your friend? If you do, then keep them safe out of her reach.

Do not engage in any conversation with her about these tickets. "I am going with Jill" is all you need to say.

Stay elsewhere the night beforehand, ideally with the friend you are going with, but in a B&B if necessary, but don't give her lots of notice about this. Phone her after you have gone out to say you are staying elsewhere.

In future, don't discuss your plans with her.

It's horrible to say this about someone's mum, but she is being incredibly self centered and unreasonable.

Good grief, calm down,

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 17:29

Thank you everyone for the support and advice x

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 25/06/2024 17:21

Do you have the physical tickets for you and your friend? If you do, then keep them safe out of her reach.

Do not engage in any conversation with her about these tickets. "I am going with Jill" is all you need to say.

Stay elsewhere the night beforehand, ideally with the friend you are going with, but in a B&B if necessary, but don't give her lots of notice about this. Phone her after you have gone out to say you are staying elsewhere.

In future, don't discuss your plans with her.

It's horrible to say this about someone's mum, but she is being incredibly self centered and unreasonable.

Sparkletastic · 25/06/2024 17:15

Oh god OP. Stay with friend or your dad night before festival (and day of it too if you can).

And in the longer term - move out!

FictionalCharacter · 25/06/2024 17:14

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 13:22

I have told her my friend has already accepted and she’s really cross and still not accepting that she can’t have the 4th ticket. She doesn’t seem to respect my boundaries at all!

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She can “not accept” it all she likes. She doesn’t have a ticket, end of.
What is she expecting to do, turn up anyway and try to wrestle the ticket off your friend?

FTPM1980 · 25/06/2024 17:10

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:51

I’ve tried encouraging her to go out and join groups, find some hobbies, make friends of her own etc because I think it would do her good, but I’m never successful

Irrelevant!
Some people are lonely and want friends
Some get on just fine without many/any close friends.
She has you which is great but it doesn't mean she gets to impose herself on you or anyone else.

AstonMartha · 25/06/2024 14:57

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:33

No, but manipulative and hostile before I set off, etc. :(

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Go and stay with your friends for a few nights before the festival.

I have a dd your age and cannot imagine behaving like your mother!

Have fun!

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:51

I’ve tried encouraging her to go out and join groups, find some hobbies, make friends of her own etc because I think it would do her good, but I’m never successful

OP posts:
Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:49

Notquitegrownup2 · 25/06/2024 14:46

I'm guessing that you still live with your mum, OP. This may not be about her trying to see the bands, which would be bad enough, but about her being enmeshed on your life and believing she is entitled to be part of whatever you do.

Be firm on the day (can you stay with your friend the night before?), plan something nice to do with your mum another time, and work on getting much clearer boundaries in place. She needs to be more independent for her own sake asich as yours . . . .

Yep, still live with her, but did move out for Uni and then after that was living with a partner for almost 3 years

OP posts:
Notquitegrownup2 · 25/06/2024 14:46

I'm guessing that you still live with your mum, OP. This may not be about her trying to see the bands, which would be bad enough, but about her being enmeshed on your life and believing she is entitled to be part of whatever you do.

Be firm on the day (can you stay with your friend the night before?), plan something nice to do with your mum another time, and work on getting much clearer boundaries in place. She needs to be more independent for her own sake asich as yours . . . .

Ereyraa · 25/06/2024 14:45

Your DM clearly has issues bigger than this.
Stick to your guns, don’t let her manipulate you.

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:42

MangoJojo · 25/06/2024 14:40

I can imagine what my dad would have said if I bought my mum along on the ticket he’d paid for. It would not go well for me.
your mum is a brat and you should absolutely not feel bad for her. Stick to your guns and take a friend or you’ll have a miserable day.

Exactly, I’d feel really awkward/it would look like I’m bringing her to spite him or something! Thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:41

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:34

TBF she doesn’t really have many friends. The only friend she does have is an old friend from secondary school who lives over 2 hours drive away, but think they’ve fallen out

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My mum doesn’t want to speak to her because this lady did a Race for Life and didn’t put on her donation page that she was doing the Race for Life for my mum who had breast cancer over a year ago. My mum wanted a special mention basically

OP posts:
MangoJojo · 25/06/2024 14:40

I can imagine what my dad would have said if I bought my mum along on the ticket he’d paid for. It would not go well for me.
your mum is a brat and you should absolutely not feel bad for her. Stick to your guns and take a friend or you’ll have a miserable day.

Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:35

Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:34

TBF she doesn’t really have many friends. The only friend she does have is an old friend from secondary school who lives over 2 hours drive away, but think they’ve fallen out

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She does have some colleagues she is more pally with than others, but she’s their boss

OP posts:
Original poster
Doglover321 · 25/06/2024 14:34

MidnightPatrol · 25/06/2024 14:33

If she wants to go to the festival, why doesn’t she get tickets and go with her own friend?

TBF she doesn’t really have many friends. The only friend she does have is an old friend from secondary school who lives over 2 hours drive away, but think they’ve fallen out

OP posts:
FTPM1980 · 25/06/2024 14:34

Stay with your friend or your dad
She is the one in the wrong, don't engage

MidnightPatrol · 25/06/2024 14:33

If she wants to go to the festival, why doesn’t she get tickets and go with her own friend?

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