AIBU for making wedding planning "unromantic"?

I don't love black, I don't wear it every day

I look washed out in black, so if I wear black, I wear something softer near my face. Not everyone owns a complete outfit in black, so they will have to buy something else.

For those who don't normally wear black, wearing all black is going to make them feel ill-at-ease. For those who wear black every day for work, wearing it for a wedding won't feel special. A lot of people like to dress up for a wedding.

If you want to make it easy for your guests, say "no dress code. Please come in your favourite outfit, don't buy anything special"

You could say that about any colour, if it happened to be your favourite

I don't own anything black. It's a silly idea. Just have a small wedding or better still grap two people off he street and just get married. It's more romantic and saves you a lot of money. You been together and had children already. Have a lovely family meal or party to celebrate afterwards...it be cheaper than a wedding...venues put £££ on for a wedding but not for a party

Just try to focus on both of you and enjoy it

If you have been given 15k by family for a wedding, are they happy for you to spend some on clearing debt?

Is your partner aware of the cost? They may be thinking of what was achievable for their last wedding and not factoring in how much prices have risen in recent years.

All black wedding

All black - I don't think it's right that the bride and groom tell their guests what to wear.

That would piss me off.

Apart from that it sounds great.

Guests will find it much easier if there is no colour dress code - they will either already have something in their wardrobe or can buy a new outfit that they know will work for another event. Many years ago I went to a wedding with a black dress theme - it was awful felt more like a funeral and the bride later admitted it was a big mistake ! A black theme for the decorations / highlights on the cake etc. can look good if done carefully.

Would suggest you should have at least one bridesmaid - they can take your bouquet , you won’t be left holding it at the altar and wondering what to do with it, can run an errand if you suddenly need something , help round up the right guests for the right photo etc.

I never wear black (it washes me out) So I'd have to buy something new. If you really don't want people to have to spend money you would have no dress code.

You can definitely have a wedding that is no fuss and simple.

My wedding was not tight budget but kept to a strict budget. I just worked with the decorations at the venue rather than do my own, had M&S cake not a special wedding one, had paid bar after dinner etc
I've also been to several registry office based ones where again couple kept it simple. One was just family and close friends and we went for a nice meal in a nearby restaurant afterwards. The other was all go to a cocktail bar for small plates and cocktails afterwards. I was home in bed before 10pm! Perfect.

People kind of expect weddings to be a bit jolly and dressy up. Not everyone will have a black outfit and they may find it a bit constraining actually if they don't want to wear, say, office wear.

As the bride, if you want to wear black. Go ahead but don't force your guests into it.

The main issue is that you and DP are not on the same page on what you want. Is there ways for you to meet in the middle. What is important to him vs you?

Basically, I'm saying if he wants seating plans and you don't, then you say that's absolutely fine, I can see its important to you, let me know what plan you come up with, please can I ask that you keep a and b separate or whatever, thanks

Also wedding planning is not at all romantic.

I bet not many people regret having a small and simple wedding but a lot of people regret spending a lot of time and money on matching chair bows to bridesmaid dresses, favours that get forgotten on the table, etc etc

Friends and families views are completely irrelevant, it's literally nothing to do with them so I'd try and grey rock them and not be drawn into the details (if they ask any questions, tell them you're all weddinged out after sorting stuff all week and then ask them about something they've got going on). If they have contributed specifically to the wedding fund then I'd see if you can manage without this money as it may make people feel they get a say.

Your partner however is allowed to have views and the type of day should be a compromise...if he gets involved in the planning. From what you've said so far, it sounds like he isn't doing the grunt work (researching, booking visits etc), he is merely turning up, and then criticising your choices, and also making unrealistic demands vs budget. For example if he wants to invite 100 people, you're going to have to cut corners in other areas (buffet instead of a sit down meal for example).

I think you sit down and agree a budget and then talk about what is realistic for that budget, think about each item (like number of guests, dress code etc), write down each of your ideals (realistic within the budget), and then compromise in each area

I hated wedding planning. Luckily mil stepped up and sorted church, venue and cake. We got married in 6 months

Only issue with black at winter wedding is that people will wear coats and may look more funeral than wedding

Glad you've decided to drop it. Bit why would you think in the first place that demanding everyone wear a certain colour was ever going to make it easier for everyone? Totally illogical.

I wore purple, it was floor length and had long draping sleeves so I think it was obvious I was the bride! I bought a pattern and my DM found a dressmaker, I wasn't supposed to pick purple, but fell in love with the fabric.

We also didn't really have a seating plan, but it was a buffet so didn't really matter where people sat.

Also, little children in black looks very odd at a wedding, so maybe bear that in mind if you're having child guests. I wouldn't mind wearing black but I'd struggle to dress a toddler and primary age child completely in black.

I don't actually own a lot of black that would be appropriate to wear to a wedding, unless leggings and a t-shirt is ok? I'd much rather wear something else I already own.

I suggest sitting down with your partner and checking out Offbeat Wed for some ideas for a fun/interesting/cool alternative wedding. He can get some more concrete ideas of how a wedding doesn’t have to be expensive and huge to have traditional aspects and be a celebration of love. Especially since you already have a child together and this is his second marriage. A giant wedding with a big white meringue dress at huge expense would be inappropriate and you clearly don’t want it anyway.

Could you not just compromise? How about an amazing black dress for you but an 'anything goes' dress code if you don't want people to buy new outfits? A lot of people love opportunities to buy a new outfit or accessory btw, it can be part of the fun and excitement in a wedding.
How about 100 guests absolute max? Meet each other in the middle?

1. Don't listen to family or friends: it's you and your DP's choice. It's none of their business - how dare they criticise your preferences!
2. You must find a compromise with your DP. His wishes count as much as yours. My DH had been married before, very traditional wedding, and I felt I wanted something different for us. Explain that to him but you also need to listen to him.
3. Don't tell the guests what to wear.

Funeral chic!
Your partner doesn’t want to get wed - hence putting obstacles/goals/planning disagreements in the way.

The only things I have in black are a dress and shoes I wore to a funeral, I look awful in black and avoid it all costs.