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Overheard convo - tell friend?

180 replies

camiclairi · 25/06/2024 09:31

Yesterday I went for drinks with some friends after work, couple of us brought our partners.
One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship, I haven't got a great feeling about him but she seems happy.

At one point in the evening my friend went to the bathroom, I then overheard her boyfriend talking to a stranger.
The stranger asked what his girlfriend did and he replied (she's work in events and marketing for a large very well known museum) saying what she does and followed it with "so not very bright but looks good on my arm" the stranger asked if she went to uni and he said "yeah but one of those pointless degrees that need banning" (English Lit & Classics at St Andrews ..... hardly Mickey Mouse stuff!), she also has a masters from Kings College! He then went into talking about his finance and economics degree.
She came back before anything else was said and the convo moved on.
However it's sat weird with me that he would talk about her this way. I think my friend is a genuinely intelligent, and extremely knowledgeable person, probably more so than many many people working in the city (I say as one of those people). I feel she deserves someone who is proud of her achievements and doesn't aim to diminish them. She is from an Uber wealthy background so I guess felt no need to do a job or degree she doesn't love!
I'm now thinking I should tell her I overheard this but other friends think I should keep out and she will realise sooner or later - or maybe she already knows and is fine with it.

AIBU wanting to tell friend?

OP posts:
juniorspesh · 25/06/2024 11:55

Agree that this will come out soon enough. It's probably enough to just not hide your dislike of him and when she inevitably asks why, say that you don't like the way he talked about her to his friends.

wibblywobblywoo · 25/06/2024 11:54

StrawberriesandMango · 25/06/2024 10:30

I would confront him but also record the conversation as proof

Because time machines are a real thing.....??? 🤔🙄

Or does it go " Hey, horrible BF can you just repeat all that shit you said about my friend the other day, hold on, I'll just press Record....yep, off you go!" 🙄

Pancakefam · 25/06/2024 11:51

Well he wasn't exactly being covert, was he? She'll already know or find out very soon, so not sure I'd get involved

Pelham678 · 25/06/2024 11:50

Broodywuz · 25/06/2024 10:28

The man sounds like a prick and obviously a horrible way to talk about his girlfriend but I don't think you telling her about this conversation will achieve anything. It's not like you heard him confess to cheating or something. I imagine she'll find out for herself pretty soon

Why is cheating considered fair game for ending a relationship and diminishing and disrespecting not. I'd say arguably they're worse because they're insidious and disrupt your sense of self as much as your relationship.

This man doesn't respect her and I'm betting a lot of money that this comes out in subtle and possibly not so subtle ways.

Only you know your friend OP but maybe sound her out a bit about this man and find out whether or not she would take on board what you overheard. Most important is that she doesn't fall out with you as the worst thing would be for her to be isolated in this relationship.

Heatherland77 · 25/06/2024 11:50

Definitely tell her.
A man showing that much contempt and insecurity at this early stage is a red flag.
I made the mistake of dating a man like this fourteen years ago.
It ended in psychological and financial abuse and I was a nervous wreck, unable to trust men for a long time.

greenpolarbear · 25/06/2024 11:46

I would tell her.

I had a friend like this, they got married. 3 years into their marriage he became a banker and said, "I want a divorce, because now I'm at this stage in my career I can have a better class of women now."

His actual words.

And instead of telling him to do one, she was embarrassed because she thought she wasn't good enough.

Your friend needs to bin him off first, and now.

stilllovebeetroot · 25/06/2024 11:45

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MoodEnhancer · 25/06/2024 11:45

Absolutely tell her. I’d want to know if someone I was seeing said that about me. You can’t control how she will take the news or if she will believe you, but it’s the right thing to do, regardless.

camiclairi · 25/06/2024 11:44

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See later comment!

OP posts:
Greenlittecat · 25/06/2024 11:44

I can't believe this is even a question. Of course you should tell your friend.

camiclairi · 25/06/2024 11:44

blueshoes · 25/06/2024 11:37

How did you manage to overhear this convo? Was your group seated or were standing around with your drinks and you happened to be in the vicinity of the boyfriend?

See my later comment!

OP posts:
camiclairi · 25/06/2024 11:42

blueshoes · 25/06/2024 11:37

How did you manage to overhear this convo? Was your group seated or were standing around with your drinks and you happened to be in the vicinity of the boyfriend?

We were round a table, friend was between me and boyfriend so when she went to the bathroom there was no one, I was scrolling my phone so not in a conversation.
Friend and her boyfriend were talking to this guy before she went to the bathroom. As soon as she went to the bathroom the guy said "so what is it you and and your girlfriend do" which led to him saying his job, then friends and all the associated comments.

I wasn't intentionally listening but they were the closest conversation and not being very quiet!

OP posts:
Isittimeformynapyet · 25/06/2024 11:42

JWhipple · 25/06/2024 10:35

Yes. Ask him if he wouldn't mind repeating everything he said about his girlfriend so you can record it. Sensible.

😂

Cooper77 · 25/06/2024 11:41

I was going to say that he was showing off in front of his friend, but re-reading it that really does sound vile. I’d tell her. I’d love her to say to him “yes, I studied English and classics. I could have done something dry and boring like economics and finance, but then I’d have ended up as f-ing dry and boring as you.”

LostTheMarble · 25/06/2024 11:41

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/06/2024 11:34

I’m shallow with myself. I have no problems holding my hands up. I’d rather be called not very bright that ugly.

That’s not shallow. Thats low self esteem. You can’t see ‘cleverness’ but objective beauty is something you can be admired for at a glance. So you need your validation to be momentary and give instant gratification rather than on the bases of your whole being. I’m sure you have your reasons as to why this is how you feel comfortable with yourself.

Lampzade · 25/06/2024 11:40

I would tell her in a matter of fact manner without pointing out that her boyfriend is a jealous prick.
What she chooses to do with this information is up to her.
He may deny that the conversation took place so be prepared for her not to believe you

ToBeOrNotToBee · 25/06/2024 11:39

Tell her.

He sounds like he's laying the foundations for a very toxic relationship.

Julianne65 · 25/06/2024 11:39

Urgh! What a prick! Tell her!

stilllovebeetroot · 25/06/2024 11:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

blueshoes · 25/06/2024 11:37

How did you manage to overhear this convo? Was your group seated or were standing around with your drinks and you happened to be in the vicinity of the boyfriend?

BluPeony · 25/06/2024 11:37

I would have told her immediately tbh. Do it sooner rather than later.

MorrisZapp · 25/06/2024 11:37

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/06/2024 11:34

I’m shallow with myself. I have no problems holding my hands up. I’d rather be called not very bright that ugly.

Me too. I'm very clever and I'm fully aware of it. I have zero insecurities on that score. Being hot though, well that's another matter.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 25/06/2024 11:35

Tell her. He clearly didn't want that man thinking his girlfriend was more intelligent than him and that is a massive red flag just to start with, the whole thing makes him sound like a misogynistic twat.

gardenmusic · 25/06/2024 11:35

What a strange list of questions from a stranger.
Could possibly imagine someone in the group asking, but a stranger?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/06/2024 11:34

Roseyjane · 25/06/2024 11:30

Bloody hell. Raise your bar.

I’m shallow with myself. I have no problems holding my hands up. I’d rather be called not very bright that ugly.