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AIBU?

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Overheard convo - tell friend?

180 replies

camiclairi · 25/06/2024 09:31

Yesterday I went for drinks with some friends after work, couple of us brought our partners.
One of my friends is in a relatively new relationship, I haven't got a great feeling about him but she seems happy.

At one point in the evening my friend went to the bathroom, I then overheard her boyfriend talking to a stranger.
The stranger asked what his girlfriend did and he replied (she's work in events and marketing for a large very well known museum) saying what she does and followed it with "so not very bright but looks good on my arm" the stranger asked if she went to uni and he said "yeah but one of those pointless degrees that need banning" (English Lit & Classics at St Andrews ..... hardly Mickey Mouse stuff!), she also has a masters from Kings College! He then went into talking about his finance and economics degree.
She came back before anything else was said and the convo moved on.
However it's sat weird with me that he would talk about her this way. I think my friend is a genuinely intelligent, and extremely knowledgeable person, probably more so than many many people working in the city (I say as one of those people). I feel she deserves someone who is proud of her achievements and doesn't aim to diminish them. She is from an Uber wealthy background so I guess felt no need to do a job or degree she doesn't love!
I'm now thinking I should tell her I overheard this but other friends think I should keep out and she will realise sooner or later - or maybe she already knows and is fine with it.

AIBU wanting to tell friend?

OP posts:
SeriaMau · 25/06/2024 12:49

He is a man. I think we all know what to do, right?

Buryyiirwhat · 25/06/2024 12:44

She’s a good friend? He’s a new boyfriend? I would tell her.
He sounds insecure and disrespectful… and those are both traits that can lead to all sorts of relationships starting with emotional abuse and often far worse.
Speak with her.

Iseeyoupekingduck · 25/06/2024 12:36

I am going against the grain here but usually it's the messenger that gets shot, I've a few situations at the moment where I can see and hear stuff that's going on but I am not saying anything because when you do the tables end up getting turned, sometimes you have to let people find things out for themselves.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 25/06/2024 12:35

Tell her.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 25/06/2024 12:31

I think id tell her. On the basis that it's a new relationship, so she hasn't invested too much yet, and then she can look out for more signs. It has a fairly high chance of going wrong...but feels like the right thing to do

Didimum · 25/06/2024 12:28

I'd probably want to know, but if she confronts him this guy absolutely will bend the truth beyond recognition.

IncompleteSenten · 25/06/2024 12:28

You really should have jumped into the conversation and told the truth about her. That would have been you being a better friend than saying nothing then debating whether to tell her afterwards

Opposum · 25/06/2024 12:26

YANBU in thinking she should know. But whether you should tell her depends on her character. What if she refuses to listen and blames you for trying to cause trouble?
If he's that dismissive of her it's bound to come out in other ways, and if she chooses to ignore, well that's her prerogative.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 25/06/2024 12:17

I’d tell her.
Doesnt matter how intelligent she is, how many degrees she has from wherever, a man who speaks about his gf like that is not a good person.

GanninHyem · 25/06/2024 12:11

You were sat in close proximity enough to hear to conversation in detail but didn't say a thing when he started slagging off your friend? Some friend.

NavyWife69 · 25/06/2024 12:10

I'm not sure I agree with those who suggest telling the friend. A new relationship with the rose tinted glasses still on. It could back fire for OP.

stilllovebeetroot · 25/06/2024 12:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MILTOBE · 25/06/2024 12:08

MILTOBE · 25/06/2024 11:56

I hope you've changed details, OP.

Yes, you should tell her, but I wouldn't quote it word for word unless she absolutely exists. I think you'd be a bad friend to keep that to yourself.

Insists, not exists.

WaltzingWaters · 25/06/2024 12:07

I’d want to know before getting too invested in this prick. What a vile person he is.

DowntonCrabby · 25/06/2024 12:07

I’d have called him out right then in front of her and the massive inferiority complex shaped chip on his shoulder. Prick.

Do tell her, it’s not a nice position to be in though. Flowers

Begsthequestion · 25/06/2024 12:04

I would definitely want to know. She can do so much better than that chump.

camiclairi · 25/06/2024 12:04

@stilllovebeetroot

They were chatting before my friend went to the bathroom, all 3 of them. I'm sure it was just a coincidence that he asked when she left. The stranger had pulled a chair over to talk to them. It's quite normal when this group go out to end up talking to strangers and even spending the rest of the night with them!
Honestly it's odd you'd think I'd lie about this!

OP posts:
EstellaWaitHereForMe · 25/06/2024 12:03

@summersofdoom she gives away the girls higher education, degree, and alludes to her workplace.

Pelham678 · 25/06/2024 12:01

Catandsquirrel · 25/06/2024 11:57

Why would you be happy with a romantic partner calling you either? You don't have to pick one

Absolutely this.

It also demonstrates internalised misogyny. Valuing yourself about something so superficial as your looks (as women are sadly valued for) rather than your intelligence and ability.

RobertaFirmino · 25/06/2024 12:01

What would you want if the roles were reversed and your friend heard your boyfriend say similar about you? Would you want to know or is ignorance bliss? Have a think about that then my advice is to do as you would want your friend to do.

RosesAndHellebores · 25/06/2024 12:00

If this chap and another are talking about their degrees, they sound impossibly immature. They become irrelevant against success.

Of greater concern is whether he's a potential gold digger as you have mentioned your friend is very wealthy.

I'd keep out of it.

Mirabai · 25/06/2024 11:59

If it were my friend I would have told her already.

ChrisPPancake · 25/06/2024 11:58

So from your op @camiclairi you've already spoken with other friends (who you don't say were/weren't there) about this but not the person it actually concerns? Glad you're not my friend.

Catandsquirrel · 25/06/2024 11:57

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/06/2024 11:34

I’m shallow with myself. I have no problems holding my hands up. I’d rather be called not very bright that ugly.

Why would you be happy with a romantic partner calling you either? You don't have to pick one

MILTOBE · 25/06/2024 11:56

I hope you've changed details, OP.

Yes, you should tell her, but I wouldn't quote it word for word unless she absolutely exists. I think you'd be a bad friend to keep that to yourself.