Difficulties with asking Ukrainian refugees to leave after 1+ year of hosting them

its fine, I find it helpful, lots of people do, it isn't up to any one to tell other poster s how to post

It really isn't necessary, especially on the first page of a thread.

Honestly 95% of the people i know who hosted ukrainians had this issue.the uk is an extremely expensive country to live in and most Ukrainians were not prepared for the reality of having to pay rent to live here. They never want to leave and will only do so if pushed hard.

You have a fantastic attitude, OP. This is spot on - “All people can go through difficult times and we need support through those times. Ukrainians need it because there’s a war in our country and lots of us just can’t live there at the moment. But it should not become an excuse to having an easy life on someone else’s expense”. The woman is taking advantage of your boyfriend’s kindness and must move on now.

she asks my boyfriend for a lot, including paying for her hotels and flights when she’s going back to Ukraine, and much more.

She's a user and a cheeky bitch and your boyfriend is a fool for not drawing a line in the sand for her moving out by a certain date.

Your boyfriend needs to formally evict them with legal steps taken if they don't leave. This isn't an "unkind" thing to do - the local council will only prioritise them for housing when all other options are eliminated so him being "nice" is actually keeping them in limbo for longer.

First step is that he needs to be firm and say no more extensions. She absolutely must leave on xxx date.
On that date, if she hasn't left voluntarily he has the locks changed the next time she leaves the house for work or shopping. If she refuses to leave at all he can ask the police to attend - she will at that point be a trespasser with no right to be there.
She and her son can go to the council as homeless and they will be put into emergency accommodation. It won't benice but they won't be on the streets.

(this is all assuming they are lodgers and do not have shorthold tenancy rights where the process is longer)

But it's vital that he is firm and formal and takes all legal steps to force them out. This is for their benefit. If they leave while he is being "nice and kind" and not forcing them out the council will categorise them as "voluntarily homeless" and will not help them. He has to play the "bad guy" to help them get the help they need

Please do quote the post, so we can see what you are responding to

He needs to give her a written date to leave and she can take that to the council. They have a duty to house her and her child. They will probably be put into temporary accommodation. Your boyfriend needs to be firm with her and refuse to listen to her excuses for not having tried to find alternative accommodation.

I understand that she has been through some shit but frankly, that doesn’t mean that everyone owes her the lifestyle she wants. She needs to put in some effort to assimilate. That means to learn English, work jobs for less money than she thinks she deserves and live in less glamorous areas. She needs to honestly accept that she is a refugee and what that really means. He needs to pack her stuff and change the locks.

Help her move.
Stay in contact and help her paint a room or two if the place she moves to is not as nice as she would like.
Invite her to Sunday lunch sometimes. Ask her to move, make it absolute but remain helpful.

If she's not prepared to work any more hours, then her choices are limited.

1. Accept whatever the council will give her. Social housing is in short supply and it's a needs-based priority.

2. To get a specific area, she will probably have to rent privately, with a Universal Credit top-up.

She's using every excuse under the sun because she has a sweet deal, living with you. However, your boyfriend did not make a life commitment and she's a capable adult with enough time and space to make alternative arrangements.
Yes, that might mean less money, but that's life for most of us living in the UK.

He needs to be very careful about the help he offers. Offering to cover half a private rent for a year?! - just as well she refused!

What a difficult situation. But you can be too generous, as he is finding out…

If you find it easier to be more direct it might help for you to just be there more and keep having conversations with her about what you have done in terms of work. It’s difficult to claim you can’t do something if someone who has been in a previously similar situation has already done it (or probate renting, work hours etc).

There are various Facebook groups for hosting Ukrainian refugees. I see people posting in my local one asking if anyone is willing to take on people who need to leave their current hosts. Would that be an option to try to find a new place that way?

Use "can't/unable to/time is finished" language.

"I've been talking to the local government department that is responsible for Ukrainian refugees' affairs, and the time limit for your staying here will come to an end soon."
"We're unable to host after XXX"
"I'd love to help you more, but we cannot help any more after XXX."

Just make it sound like a fait accompli that the Powers That Be have effectively decided.

I don’t think you and your boyfriend should be managing this. It’s your boy friend’s issue and he should be deciding what to do. Your and your boyfriend’s ideas of what the housing scheme should be used for and what that means in practice may be different and since it’s your boy friend that’s hosting, it’s his values that should prevail.

You want this woman to move out so you can live with your boyfriend without her around. that’s a bit of a biased position to be deciding whether she’s pulling her weight or not. I would tend to see things like you do, and would even go so far as to say that being too easy on someone in that sort of situation is not good for them - they’ll do far better well for themselves if they get on with learning English/getting a full time job even on minimum wage/etc. But your boy friend doesn’t have to have the same values, and it seems he doesn’t. Just because your his girlfriend doesn’t mean he should act like you would.

So you can give him the information on what’s available to her from other sources or what would happen if he does “throw her out”. It’s also reasonable to give him an ultimatum, if this is a line in the sand for you, for what you’re prepared to do in terms of your relationship if he isn’t prepared to commit to living with you on terms that are acceptable to you. But it really isn’t your place to make this decision or push him into it. It’s his house and if he would rather house this woman and her child for longer rather than force her into doing stuff she doesn’t want to, you really should respect that and let him come to the end of his patience in his own time.

I think that's abit of a stretch, make their lives hell. She at the moment is looking for the easiest option doesn't mean she's a bad person either. She's probably worried about not being able to survive financially if some help could be found to put these fears to rest that would help I think.

You are dealing with a difficult person. If you kick her out, she might well make your life hell.

Can your boyfriend end the lease on his property and tell her landlord is taking back the property, so you all have to leave.

and he and you look for a new place.

It went really well, she is similar to you maybe. Learned English very quickly, even started helping Polish people learn English at the community centre, got a full time job where she got up at 4am every day to work shifts. Did lots to help us out around the house even though we didn't ask her for anything.

But emotionally, very challenging. Trying to plan things to take her mind off things (eg Ukrainian orchestral concerts in our city), seeing her happy for fleeting moments and then seeing her feeling guilty about feeling happy for a second. It was complex.