Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to “steal” this?

940 replies

AmiABadPersonn · 24/06/2024 20:43

Hello everyone I just want your opinions on this as today I’ve been in a heated argument with my friend as to wether I am unreasonable or not.

I am off work on maternity leave so the funds are tight at minute. There is a man who lives near me I believe he is drug user, he sells half price stuff and also takes orders on what you want for half price. He knocks on my house about 1 or 2 times a week with a bag of half price goods. I always buy washing detergent and softeners from him because you can get a whole weeks laundry of the nice brands for around £10. Money is tight as I have just had a baby and I have 2 other children with my husband also. i also sometimes get baby milk formula from him if I’m running low because it’s cheap.

I feel like this is not wrong because if I didn’t buy it other people would. Even if no one bought it he would steal it anyway in hopes someone would buy it eventually.

Today my friend was at my house when he came so I offered her to have a look what he had. She immediately asked him where he got this stuff from and he replied “shop”. She didn’t say much after but when I finished buying my items she started shouting about how I’m funding his drugs addiction and I shouldn’t support it because I am now stealing too. I told her to relax it’s fine it’s only a couple of items. She didn’t say much and finished her coffee and left quick.

So am I morally wrong for this? Or would you do the same?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
SoupDragon · 24/06/2024 21:10

boredm · 24/06/2024 21:09

It is wrong to steal from small businesses, not supermarkets. Food and hygiene should be a right

Of course it's wrong to steal from supermarkets. It's wrong to steal.

Lolaandbehold · 24/06/2024 21:10

Morally, of course you’re wrong. It’s wrong in so many ways.
That said I am not sure I wouldn’t do the same if funds were tight.
What’s that saying about never judging someone until you’ve walked in their shoes?

boredm · 24/06/2024 21:09

viques · 24/06/2024 21:03

And every day small businesses are having to close because thieves come in and walk out with goods that eat into the businesses profit, not to mention the stress of worrying that a junkie thief carrying a knife or loaded syringe is going to threaten or hurt staff or other customers.

It is wrong to steal from small businesses, not supermarkets. Food and hygiene should be a right

Singersong · 24/06/2024 21:09

You are endangering your child by buying baby formula from a thief and a drug addict.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 24/06/2024 21:08

What you are doing is a crime. You won’t go to prison for it (unless you already have a string of convictions) as it’s the lowest culpability (for own use) and lowest value (less than £1,000). So the entry point would be a Band B fine (usually one week’s income). But you really do not want to acquire a criminal conviction for dishonesty.

The even bigger issue is having a known drug user come to your house where you have small children. That, for all the obvious reasons, places them at risk. If not from him then from his associates.

I am not getting involved in judging you. But I am advising that you extricate yourself from this toxic situation as swiftly as possible.

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 24/06/2024 21:08

Hes nicking it to order from the local shops. You buying it is funding his habit.

There are much better ways to get stuff cheaply (eg near to me there is a community supermarket - like a foodbank but you can get stuff cheap, no questions asked and no need to be referred. Its goods donated by shops/businesses that would otherwise go to landfill)

MrMotivatorsLeotard · 24/06/2024 21:08

OnHisSweaterAlreadyMomsSpaghetti · 24/06/2024 21:01

Agree with this.

we shouldn’t be attacking mums who are struggling to survive. There are a lot of people on high horses here.

buying baby formula and laundry detergent is hardly the crime of the century when we have politicians robbing us blind.

if she was buying a stolen Rolex it would be fair to take a different stance but formula and detergent?

I would turn a blind eye honestly. It’s really not a big deal

Nah, read the OP again- she’s not desperate. She’s happy to be getting nicked branded goods cheaply and doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong. Desperate mums trying to feed and clothe their kids would switch to the cheapest supermarket value range, buy from charity shops, use food banks etc not buy stolen half price Persil.

viques · 24/06/2024 21:08

OnHisSweaterAlreadyMomsSpaghetti · 24/06/2024 21:01

Agree with this.

we shouldn’t be attacking mums who are struggling to survive. There are a lot of people on high horses here.

buying baby formula and laundry detergent is hardly the crime of the century when we have politicians robbing us blind.

if she was buying a stolen Rolex it would be fair to take a different stance but formula and detergent?

I would turn a blind eye honestly. It’s really not a big deal

But she is making deliberate choices here, she is not “struggling to survive”, as others have said buying expensive laundry products is unnecessary, she could choose to buy cheaper ones and then prioritise buying the baby milk.

PinkyFlamingo · 24/06/2024 21:07

Home Bargains would be way cheaper for washing powder.

Ophy83 · 24/06/2024 21:06

When he's taking orders, that's you giving him a list of things to steal!

MildredSauce · 24/06/2024 21:06

malachitegreen · 24/06/2024 20:51

why on earth do you need to spend £10 on washing?

Exactly this. You've got a bigger habit than him!!

Justcallmebebes · 24/06/2024 21:05

Can't say I'd buy or encourage him, but I am staggered at the shock horror double standards here. A couple of posts recently talking about people working and claiming benefits but general consensus was to butt out and mind your own business Hmm. Theft is theft, no?

viques · 24/06/2024 21:03

boredm · 24/06/2024 21:00

People are going hungry while supermarkets profit and it's a disgrace

And every day small businesses are having to close because thieves come in and walk out with goods that eat into the businesses profit, not to mention the stress of worrying that a junkie thief carrying a knife or loaded syringe is going to threaten or hurt staff or other customers.

NamelessNancy · 24/06/2024 21:03

The OP's £10 per week detergent is after a significant discount for stolen goods. Assuming that's about half price OP is using detergent with a retail value of £80 per month. How is that even possible? I reckon I could keep us in washing powder for five years on that. Mind blown.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 24/06/2024 21:03

As above you are being awfully naive here buying stolen goods from a drug addict whose acquaintance you have encouraged

AmelieTaylor · 24/06/2024 21:02

Fishcake15 · 24/06/2024 20:46

Moral compass goes out of the window when you need and can't afford baby milk.

@Fishcake15

She didn't say she can't afford it & if she can't she should stop wasting stupid money on laundry products!!

@AmiABadPersonn yes, you are Buying stolen stuff (we all end up subbing you) AND supporting his drug habit. Your (ex?) friend is right.

MrMotivatorsLeotard · 24/06/2024 21:02

Am I really naive? Are you honestly asking if it’s ok to buy stolen goods?!! Your moral compass is really off kilter.

Sirzy · 24/06/2024 21:01

boredm · 24/06/2024 21:00

People are going hungry while supermarkets profit and it's a disgrace

And the more people steal the more prices will go up to cover the losses.

shop lifting isn’t the answer! Spending a fortune on stolen goods certainly isn’t

OnHisSweaterAlreadyMomsSpaghetti · 24/06/2024 21:01

Fishcake15 · 24/06/2024 20:46

Moral compass goes out of the window when you need and can't afford baby milk.

Agree with this.

we shouldn’t be attacking mums who are struggling to survive. There are a lot of people on high horses here.

buying baby formula and laundry detergent is hardly the crime of the century when we have politicians robbing us blind.

if she was buying a stolen Rolex it would be fair to take a different stance but formula and detergent?

I would turn a blind eye honestly. It’s really not a big deal

boredm · 24/06/2024 21:00

AffIt · 24/06/2024 20:59

Do please explain your working here.

People are going hungry while supermarkets profit and it's a disgrace

JanglingJack · 24/06/2024 20:59

He's stealing to order really in this case.

You're also funding his habit.

I wouldn't, I wouldn't to fund his habit and I don't encourage stealing, even when I've been in dire straits myself.
I'm not a preacher regarding morals, I just wouldn't buy something that clearly stolen and funding a habit. It's like Facebook where's there's loads of make offered ridiculously cheap - no I'm not buying, it'll either be a teenage girl thinking she's on to a winner, or a teenage girl with an addiction.

AffIt · 24/06/2024 20:59

boredm · 24/06/2024 20:57

It isn't wrong to do this

Do please explain your working here.

SoupDragon · 24/06/2024 20:59

You want to know whether it's OK to buy goods you know are stolen...?

Penguinmouse · 24/06/2024 20:57

This is almost certainly handling stolen goods and it’s a crime, ignorance is not an excuse.

RogueFemale · 24/06/2024 20:57

Buy your stuff from Aldi or Lidl.