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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to “steal” this?

940 replies

AmiABadPersonn · 24/06/2024 20:43

Hello everyone I just want your opinions on this as today I’ve been in a heated argument with my friend as to wether I am unreasonable or not.

I am off work on maternity leave so the funds are tight at minute. There is a man who lives near me I believe he is drug user, he sells half price stuff and also takes orders on what you want for half price. He knocks on my house about 1 or 2 times a week with a bag of half price goods. I always buy washing detergent and softeners from him because you can get a whole weeks laundry of the nice brands for around £10. Money is tight as I have just had a baby and I have 2 other children with my husband also. i also sometimes get baby milk formula from him if I’m running low because it’s cheap.

I feel like this is not wrong because if I didn’t buy it other people would. Even if no one bought it he would steal it anyway in hopes someone would buy it eventually.

Today my friend was at my house when he came so I offered her to have a look what he had. She immediately asked him where he got this stuff from and he replied “shop”. She didn’t say much after but when I finished buying my items she started shouting about how I’m funding his drugs addiction and I shouldn’t support it because I am now stealing too. I told her to relax it’s fine it’s only a couple of items. She didn’t say much and finished her coffee and left quick.

So am I morally wrong for this? Or would you do the same?

OP posts:
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8
NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 01/07/2024 12:14

countcalculia · 01/07/2024 12:07

Then don't? No one has a gun to your head. But don't get affronted at being asked on an anonymous forum where you brought it up in the first place.

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Yes, that's why I said no, I won't be doing that. It's still fucking rude to ask in the first place. There are dozens of reasons someone might not be able to survive without this kind of help - none of which are good - but sure, let's ask people to talk about them with strangers.

Rude. And oblivious, actually.

countcalculia · 01/07/2024 12:07

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 01/07/2024 11:56

So you think it's reasonable for me to outline my mother's personal and financial circumstances? I'll pass. Thanks tho.

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Then don't? No one has a gun to your head. But don't get affronted at being asked on an anonymous forum where you brought it up in the first place.

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 01/07/2024 11:56

countcalculia · 01/07/2024 11:55

Not really? It's an anonymous forum and you brought it up.

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So you think it's reasonable for me to outline my mother's personal and financial circumstances? I'll pass. Thanks tho.

countcalculia · 01/07/2024 11:55

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 01/07/2024 11:46

That's a bit of a personal question, don't you think?

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Not really? It's an anonymous forum and you brought it up.

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 01/07/2024 11:46

llamajohn · 30/06/2024 20:09

Mmmhmmm why's that then?

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That's a bit of a personal question, don't you think?

RampantIvy · 01/07/2024 11:30

ThatVoodooThatYouDoooo · 01/07/2024 11:24

£40 a month on cleaning supplies does not equate to anywhere near bone of arse!

How on earth is op spending so much ?

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I think all the posters supporting the OP have poor reading comprehension skills.

ThatVoodooThatYouDoooo · 01/07/2024 11:24

Runnerinthenight · 30/06/2024 22:05

Come off it, this one isn't on the bones of her arse!!

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£40 a month on cleaning supplies does not equate to anywhere near bone of arse!

How on earth is op spending so much ?

Happytolisten · 01/07/2024 11:22

I know its tough and I have been a single parent before and my priority was my child. I worked 3 jobs to make ends almost meet and went without proper meals for myself. I would never do this, what if this very same drug addict one day sells drugs to your child, because you funded his habit by selling stolen goods. Good luck getting out of this though as he has you exactly where he wants you now. You are in the eyes of the law aiding him

Grammarnut · 01/07/2024 09:01

boredm · 30/06/2024 19:54

Tesco isn't a person though

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It's still not ok to steal from them...and we all pay for shoplifting in raised prices caused by losses and the extra cost of security. Shop lift from Tescoes and you steal from me, basically.

Whenwillitgetwarm · 01/07/2024 08:19

boredm · 24/06/2024 21:00

People are going hungry while supermarkets profit and it's a disgrace

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Don’t know where to start with this.

Whenwillitgetwarm · 01/07/2024 08:12

Fishcake15 · 24/06/2024 20:46

Moral compass goes out of the window when you need and can't afford baby milk.

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If OP can’t even afford milk, why is she on her third child? As MJ said ‘if you can’t feed the baby, then don’t have the baby’.

Sounds like one of them who continually make poor choices then complain about being ‘left behind’.

Whenwillitgetwarm · 01/07/2024 08:09

itsmylife7 · 24/06/2024 20:45

No,I wouldn't have a low life near my house or family.

How is he the lowlife and the OP who’s buying stolen goods not. I bet OP wouldn’t let her kids play with his, although they are all part of the same circle.

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/07/2024 08:06

boredm · 01/07/2024 04:29

Like a thought crime ?

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A thought crime is just that - thoughts. There is no thought crime in this context. It's actual crime.

boredm · 01/07/2024 04:29

Lyraloo · 01/07/2024 04:13

It absolutely is the same thing! Theft is theft no matter where it’s from. Do you think the people on the shop floor that have to try and deal with thieves are any less important than individuals elsewhere. Try reading about the impact this has on them. You’re as bad as her if you think it doesn’t matter because it’s from Tesco and not somewhere else!

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Like a thought crime ?

MariaLuna · 01/07/2024 04:17

I wouldn't have people like this around my house. Not judging.

Do you have children? That would worry me personally.

Lyraloo · 01/07/2024 04:13

boredm · 01/07/2024 00:21

Comparing stealing from a person and a corporation isn't fair and just because someone does one thing doesn't mean they will do the other or that it's the same thing at all

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It absolutely is the same thing! Theft is theft no matter where it’s from. Do you think the people on the shop floor that have to try and deal with thieves are any less important than individuals elsewhere. Try reading about the impact this has on them. You’re as bad as her if you think it doesn’t matter because it’s from Tesco and not somewhere else!

jsterr1 · 01/07/2024 02:59

Runnerinthenight · 30/06/2024 22:03

Bollocks. She is making an active choice not to. Anyone who thinks that's ok is just as bad as she is. Stand by what you like. It's rotten to the core!

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Ehst in my response made you think I was defending her? I was countering a person who WAS defending her. Try reading before you (mis)fire off your heated messages.

SoWhat21 · 01/07/2024 00:32

Drug addiction is irrelevant here. Plenty of drug addicts work and nobody accuses their employers of ‘funding their addiction’. That’s nonsense.
However this is receiving stolen goods and is illegal and in my opinion immoral. I wouldn’t buy something I knew to be stolen. There is knock on impacts for other people even if is from Tesco. Tesco won’t absorb these costs in their profits. They will look to compensate it through increased prices (which effects poorer people disproportionately) or cutting jobs of staff.

boredm · 01/07/2024 00:21

Lyraloo · 01/07/2024 00:19

And that matters because?

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Comparing stealing from a person and a corporation isn't fair and just because someone does one thing doesn't mean they will do the other or that it's the same thing at all

Lyraloo · 01/07/2024 00:19

boredm · 30/06/2024 19:54

Tesco isn't a person though

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And that matters because?

Runnerinthenight · 30/06/2024 22:34

Laurmolonlabe · 29/06/2024 18:46

You are not stealing, but it is still morally wrong-you are fuelling someone's drug addiction to save a couple of quid, would you be happy telling the child you are carrying you did this?

Don't be ridiculous - she is buying stolen goods; she might as well be nicking them herself!

Runnerinthenight · 30/06/2024 22:24

LelyKelly23 · 27/06/2024 14:26

I grew up in an especially deprived area in the north east on a council estate - this used to be pretty common. OP, it definitely doesn't make you a bad person to buy from him. We were on the bones of our arse growing up, so we used to look forward to them coming round some brought blocks of cheese/joints of meat and others brought toiletries/make-up. It was normal practice living on the breadline. Assuming they are all drug addicts isn't fair really, most we had regularly were just trying to get a bit of money and get by. If you've never had to live around this, then lucky you.

If it's to save money in this crazy cost of living crisis we're going through, then power to you I say.

and just to add to this - I definitely did not grow up thinking it is 'okay to steal' and I'm not a scumbag with no morals, nor are my family.

People going through hard times, who suffer with addiction or those who grow up in poverty aren't all nasty, evil, people or hardened criminals that grow up to be a stain on the world! (Shocker, I know!)

The privilege and judgement in this thread is gross.

Edited

No, the attitude to theft is gross.

ICantLogIn · 30/06/2024 22:11

BrightYellowDaffodil · 29/06/2024 23:11

I suspect OP knows her actions are unacceptable but was hoping everyone would say, “Of course it’s OK babes, you need those laundry balls! Look after No 1 hun xx”

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Amazingly, 13% think she's NBU!!!!

Runnerinthenight · 30/06/2024 22:05

Rosscameasdoody · 26/06/2024 20:46

Never been on the bones of your arse have you ? Not condoning what OP is doing but it’s understandable that she’s doing whatever she needs to to take care of here family/

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Come off it, this one isn't on the bones of her arse!!

Runnerinthenight · 30/06/2024 22:03

jsterr1 · 30/06/2024 13:01

not really. she is buying stolen good because she cant afford what is in the store. I stand by my statement.

Bollocks. She is making an active choice not to. Anyone who thinks that's ok is just as bad as she is. Stand by what you like. It's rotten to the core!