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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to “steal” this?

940 replies

AmiABadPersonn · 24/06/2024 20:43

Hello everyone I just want your opinions on this as today I’ve been in a heated argument with my friend as to wether I am unreasonable or not.

I am off work on maternity leave so the funds are tight at minute. There is a man who lives near me I believe he is drug user, he sells half price stuff and also takes orders on what you want for half price. He knocks on my house about 1 or 2 times a week with a bag of half price goods. I always buy washing detergent and softeners from him because you can get a whole weeks laundry of the nice brands for around £10. Money is tight as I have just had a baby and I have 2 other children with my husband also. i also sometimes get baby milk formula from him if I’m running low because it’s cheap.

I feel like this is not wrong because if I didn’t buy it other people would. Even if no one bought it he would steal it anyway in hopes someone would buy it eventually.

Today my friend was at my house when he came so I offered her to have a look what he had. She immediately asked him where he got this stuff from and he replied “shop”. She didn’t say much after but when I finished buying my items she started shouting about how I’m funding his drugs addiction and I shouldn’t support it because I am now stealing too. I told her to relax it’s fine it’s only a couple of items. She didn’t say much and finished her coffee and left quick.

So am I morally wrong for this? Or would you do the same?

OP posts:
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a222 · 25/06/2024 22:34

ByNavyOtter · 25/06/2024 22:30

Far worse such as what?

uhh…maybe on a wider scale the two wars currently going on.

and maybe stolen goods and ‘drug addicts’ being pretty much an epidemic reflects how this country is lacking in social care.

ByNavyOtter · 25/06/2024 22:30

a222 · 25/06/2024 22:28

what?? lol i’ve really got ur knickers in a twist haven’t i

life isn’t perfect, there’s far worse going on than someone saving money in the CoL crisis by buying dodgy detergent.

Far worse such as what?

a222 · 25/06/2024 22:28

Runnerinthenight · 25/06/2024 16:22

Glad you're deriving such childish amusement. Some of us come by whatever we want or need in life through honest means.

what?? lol i’ve really got ur knickers in a twist haven’t i

life isn’t perfect, there’s far worse going on than someone saving money in the CoL crisis by buying dodgy detergent.

CatHerderSupreme · 25/06/2024 22:06

Moonlightdust · 25/06/2024 21:49

You come across really defensive probably because deep down you know it’s wrong. Saying there’s nothing wrong with buying stolen goods and funding drug addicts. I grew up in a single parent household in a council house on income support and my mum never stooped that low. It’s nothing to do with poverty, you are enabling a criminal.

Very well put!

CatHerderSupreme · 25/06/2024 22:04

AmiABadPersonn · 25/06/2024 01:30

I’m so sorry for what has happened but this is completely different. What your sibling faced is an aggravated burglary and Abh/gbh, this is theft from a shop no one is being beaten up or abused.

It’s the same people. If you support one, you support both.

Runnerinthenight · 25/06/2024 22:03

Exactlab · 25/06/2024 20:55

In respect to being on a jury - I’ve always managed to get out of it.

Your hypothetical scenario is ridiculous. I’ve no idea what OP’s view would be on the matter.

That is probably for the best.

Latenightreader · 25/06/2024 22:01

inamarina · 25/06/2024 21:13

Well, I do know what it costs. £3.75 (40 washes) in Aldi, £3.39 in Sainsbury‘s. So not sure how OP reached the conclusion that £10/ week would be cheaper.
No doubt she’s not the only one, doesn’t make it any better though 🤷‍♀️

Because the OP doesn't want own brand stuff which is affordable and works well, she wants 'nice brands' because she feels having a label is more important than having a moral compass.

CatHerderSupreme · 25/06/2024 22:00

ThePoshUns · 24/06/2024 20:45

You're handling stolen goods. And yes funding someone's drug habit.
You may not have much money but you are also lacking a moral compass.

This.

anchoviesanchovies · 25/06/2024 21:55

What you’re doing is just plain wrong. If you can’t afford to feed your child without resorting to buying stolen goods you shouldn’t have had a third!

Moonlightdust · 25/06/2024 21:49

You come across really defensive probably because deep down you know it’s wrong. Saying there’s nothing wrong with buying stolen goods and funding drug addicts. I grew up in a single parent household in a council house on income support and my mum never stooped that low. It’s nothing to do with poverty, you are enabling a criminal.

inamarina · 25/06/2024 21:13

Lolaandbehold · 25/06/2024 20:50

I have no idea what unbranded washing powder costs as I've never bought it. I'm sure the OP has investigated what's for sale in the supermarket and has determined that what she is buying is as cheap if not cheaper? I'm not sure how the OP has come to the decision to purchase the stolen goods but I have no doubt she is not the only one. One of the M&S staff was telling me the other day that steaks are all alarmed as they are popular items to steal as clearly there's a market for it.

Well, I do know what it costs. £3.75 (40 washes) in Aldi, £3.39 in Sainsbury‘s. So not sure how OP reached the conclusion that £10/ week would be cheaper.
No doubt she’s not the only one, doesn’t make it any better though 🤷‍♀️

TunnocksOrDeath · 25/06/2024 21:04

Retail grocery sector net profit margins in 2022/23 were 1.8%. So every bundle of stock priced at £10 that's stolen effectively cost the shop £9.82. The shop then has to make £9.82 profit selling other stuff to recoup those costs and break even. At 1.8% profit margin, that''s sales of £545.56. Just to cover your totally unnecessary scent balls, fabric softener, and branded detergent. Your behaviour is in no way reasonable.

S0livagant · 25/06/2024 20:57

Lolaandbehold · 25/06/2024 20:50

I have no idea what unbranded washing powder costs as I've never bought it. I'm sure the OP has investigated what's for sale in the supermarket and has determined that what she is buying is as cheap if not cheaper? I'm not sure how the OP has come to the decision to purchase the stolen goods but I have no doubt she is not the only one. One of the M&S staff was telling me the other day that steaks are all alarmed as they are popular items to steal as clearly there's a market for it.

It's clear she hasn't determined it's cheaper as it's not, by a long way. Tesco non bio is £4.75 for 40 washes, Aldi £3.75. That's using the recommended amount when half works fine. Nowhere near a tenner a week.

Exactlab · 25/06/2024 20:55

Buntycat · 25/06/2024 13:20

"Can’t afford to even eat"? But have three children and buy fancy, unnecessary laundry aids?

What the thief is doing with the money has nothing to do with it really.

Your post is incredibly depressing. I hope you are never on a jury. Aren't we meant to teach our children that stealing is wrong? Would the OP be OK with one of her children, when a teenager, burgling a large house "because they’re rich and they can afford it"?

Some things are just right or wrong, and this is plain wrong.

In respect to being on a jury - I’ve always managed to get out of it.

Your hypothetical scenario is ridiculous. I’ve no idea what OP’s view would be on the matter.

Lolaandbehold · 25/06/2024 20:50

inamarina · 25/06/2024 11:04

How could £10/ week for laundry be cheaper than unbranded washing powder? Unless you regard scent balls as some sort of essential item.

I have no idea what unbranded washing powder costs as I've never bought it. I'm sure the OP has investigated what's for sale in the supermarket and has determined that what she is buying is as cheap if not cheaper? I'm not sure how the OP has come to the decision to purchase the stolen goods but I have no doubt she is not the only one. One of the M&S staff was telling me the other day that steaks are all alarmed as they are popular items to steal as clearly there's a market for it.

Zippedeedooda · 25/06/2024 20:27

NamelessNancy · 25/06/2024 15:47

I was kidding, sorry thought it'd be clear!

🤣🤣👍

wellington77 · 25/06/2024 20:25

It’s morally wrong! He may have stolen it from a small corner shop which supports just one family, you could be nicking from another family. And even if it is a big national company like Tesco- it’s still wrong. How are you setting a good example for your children?! If money is tight on maternity I would suggest going back earlier or get an overdraft not this!!!!

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/06/2024 19:59

Runnerinthenight · 25/06/2024 19:49

Well it wasn't funny.

Well as someone who actually understands irony, I thought it was very funny and well observed.

ByNavyOtter · 25/06/2024 19:55

RobertaFirmino · 25/06/2024 15:07

With pleasure. If there were fewer drug addicts and better addiction services, shoplifting would reduce. Working out why these people turn to drugs in the first place and addressing these issues is key.
If people had enough money to make ends meet, they would be less likely to buy stolen goods. Why are people skint? It certainly isn't all bad budgeting/living beyond means, the fact is that the COL continues to increase. Why is it not being properly addressed? That would certainly help to reduce both shoplifting and the purchase of stolen goods.
Yes, theft is out of order but current approaches don't do much good. Removing reasons/compulsions to steal in the first place seems reasonable to me.

Oh god the irony, there isn't going to be fewer drug addicts with people like the Op exploiting the drug users and getting them more and more hooked on drugs are there? The sad thing is people like Op who have baby after baby wanting hand outs and freebies are in more of a fortunate position than they will ever know or appreciate. You're lucky if you're ABLE to work for what you have, that's why people hate thief's so much. It undermines everyone else's hard work and is so entitled and brattish. The op sees this man as just a drug user who's chosen to ruin his life so she can exploit him. He would've been the same as her baby once upon a time... what bought him to this? Hardship she can probably never even imagine. Society is fucked because of people like Op who consider themselves more important than others and she is even brave enough to shoplift herself.

xyz111 · 25/06/2024 19:54

So what if he steals it from a local privately owned shop who struggles to get by anyway? Is that not ok, only if it's from a big supermarket? I would have said something if I was your friend too.

Runnerinthenight · 25/06/2024 19:49

godmum56 · 25/06/2024 19:45

Kleeneze?

Betterware?

Runnerinthenight · 25/06/2024 19:49

godmum56 · 25/06/2024 19:46

ummm its a JOKE

Well it wasn't funny.

godmum56 · 25/06/2024 19:46

Runnerinthenight · 25/06/2024 17:06

I'll reserve my compassion for people who deserve it, not a common thief, thank you!

"Poor OP" my hole!!

ummm its a JOKE

godmum56 · 25/06/2024 19:45

Lifestooshort71 · 25/06/2024 16:57

I voted YABU before a little derail here...I'm old enough to remember the door-to-door-salesman who knocked once a month with dusters, dustpans & brushes etc and flirted with the 'lady of the house' - heaven knows where he got his stuff from but pretty sure he wasn't a tea leaf.

Kleeneze?

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/06/2024 19:39

Nanny0gg · 25/06/2024 10:58

I remember my uncle getting 'done' years ago for buying 'off the back of a lorry' (buying from a dodgy bloke down the pub)

Those were the days...

Pub near college years ago was like a market some days! There would be a bloke with meat, another with cheese, another with hooky fags (although I was never too bothered by that as they were bought legally back when you could bring back as many as you liked from abroad),