To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

It’s also an issue if op is going to be expected to pay for adult niece, which it sounds like. It’s also an issue if she knows adult niece is going to be a misery guts when they do what they always do and enjoy on holiday, like play games in the evening. So they are valid feelings.

A 14 year old boy can't share with his 84 year old Grandma. The niece should share with the Grandma. I'd be telling MiL that now niece is staying with her for both weeks you won't be. Then I'd find alternative accommodation in same area as you have paid for the flights. I'd also be making it crystal clear to both DH and MiL that you won't ever be holidaying with MiL at this house again.

I don't see a massive deal tbh. Its not as if its a couples holiday. I would see how it goes

I agree - my teenage DSs would have no issue either.

That said, I'd be extremely pissed off at not being consulted about the niece coming along in the first place & I'd certainly not be funding her in any way.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

How unpleasant of MIL to invite her granddaughter whose relationship has just ended. And how dickheaded of niece to accept her grandma's invitation.

Good grief. MIL is just a free accommodation provider. What she wants from her sentimental annual stay in her happy place is of no matter, apparently.

The only issue here is that OP doesn't like the niece. Even the bedroom thing isn't that horrendous, given that the lad is okay with it and/or to sleep in the living room, and if still looking forward to the holiday.

Irritating for OP? Absolutely. I can empathise. But I don't see grandma deserving much of the vitriol on this thread.

If she does change her behaviour towards you and your children OP, you can then say that it's evident this arrangement has reached its natural conclusion.

This then frees you up to have your own family holiday!

But also, stop stepping forward. It sounds like your dh is taking you a bit for granted but also not giving you an input. So you need to say I’m not happy about this, in the future this kind of holiday spending needs to be a mutual decision and we will cancel if things get changed on us like this. I’ve booked a few nights when a friend for later in the month to make me feel better about this, and I think you’ve been taking my support for granted. I’ll be stepping back from all the help I do for your family, I don’t know how I slipped into doing so much when it’s your brothers jobs really.

Play your evening games, say blandly we always do this on holiday, it’s only for a week. And say niece and grandma can do dinner Tuesday we are going to X (somewhere grandma wouldn’t like) with a big smile, we’ve always wanted to but grandma wouldn’t enjoy it so this is nice!
i don’t know how you can avoid paying for niece when you go out, that is annoying.

Cancel. I’d absolutely not go on a holiday with people I find unpleasant, and your mil sounds unpleasant as well when around your d(d for dickhead) niece.

I wouldn't be at all happy about being railroaded like that! She's stitched you right up, if you let her get away with this there will be no stopping her!

This makes no sense if course they have a right to expect the arrangement would be as first agreed. They bought flights on the basis of what was first planned.

Had the holiday been planed with the DN they would have had the option to say no. Once they committed and paid for flights then it's not appropriate to start changing things up

Sadly it all sounds like hell to me. Son needs a bed in the dining/ lounge area. He’s old enough to stay up, until everyone goes to bed.
I wouldn't ever go again, after this, if it was me

Why can't niece share with her grandmother?

In your shoes, OP, I would cancel. Let your husband and son go if you like.

It's OK for him and granny to share a room. In the end it's not big deal unless you make it one.

No. It's really not.

Grandma sharing with a boy either going through or just passing puberty is not on at all

Speaking as a grandma (NOT an 'old lady') with DGS of that age, never in a million years would I be sharing

Totally inappropriate on both sides

Now MIL has someone else to go with just cancel as you will be spoiling the trip for everyone.

This. I think the niece should share with her grandma.

No, don’t suck it up. It’s not appropriate for a 14 year old boy to share with his gran and nor should he have to.

What do you think about the idea of just DH and DS going? Sounds like the best bet. Otherwise it would be too crammed and they dynamics would have changed. If you still really want to go then I’d prefer your DH to sleep on the couch but worse case is your DS sleeps in the lounge. But what a crap holiday that will be.

Life is too short to rock the boat so much over this but I'd make sure you have a different holiday, the four of you, somewhere else that doesn't involve anyone else.

You MIL sounds a bit controlling and thoughtless. Your DS is happy. It's you who feels aggrieved.

It's OK for him and granny to share a room. In the end it's not big deal unless you make it one. At least he's going on holiday somewhere, some children don't ever get to go away, even in the UK.

Maybe DN will get so tired of the crowded house when you all arrive she'll leave early?

I'd go this one more time, suck it up, keep the peace and then after this holiday, never go again!!!

"so apparently now DS14, is going to share a room with grandma (82), so Niece can have her own room. I think that’s a bit off?"

Has this been said to u already? That was your chance to say, No! my son WILL NOT be sharing a room.

So what I would do is send DH and DS and you and your daughter have a wonderful break at home without the boys.

Good idea.

And then everyone involved can feel a nicely guilty that there weren’t enough rooms.

I think DH doesn’t want to rock the boat, which he very much has form for when it comes to his family.
Another spineless man who does whatever his mummy wants, whether or not it's right for his wife and kids. YOU are his family!

This is a great idea and DS would probably love it - provided the weather is reasonable.
As for MIL - she issued the invitation so she and your niece can make their own plans and if something fits in with an activity the rest are doing then all is well and good. From what OP says the niece won't want to join in some of the activities so why should she stop everyone doing their own thing. On holidays like this you either join in and make an effort or by agreement you all do your own thing - then you can all have a great time and get together for meal times or whatever and catch up on the days news.

How about dh shares with his Mum and ds comes in with you? I think he might then see an issue.

Please put your foot down. I have a ds the same age and would never force him to share with his Granny.

Regardless of whether he wouldn't mind or not.