To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

That,

your 14years old son with grandma? When you invite her around and come to her request?? Hard no.

I would cancel, grandma isn’t paying and invited niece to the treat (sigh). That is just not on.

The circumstances under which you agreed to go on this holiday have been deliberately changed without anybody consulting you. Having spent a lot of money for the flights to go, you are well within your rights to voice your concerns over inappropriate sleeping arrangements made for your son without your full approval.

Your DH wants to roll over and subject his son to this situation in order to please his mum. He daren't cause any ripples and she takes advantage of that fact beciase she is paying for the accommodation.
If he thinks it isn’t a problem for his son and you do, (I agree with you that it’s inappropriate) then I think you should suggest that he sleeps in with his mum and DS can be in DH’s single bed next to you.

Maybe that will focus his mind a bit.

I don’t think you can complain about DN going but your DH should be upfront from the very beginning with DN about how much meals out and trips out are going to cost her so that she can choose to stay back if she doesn’t want to pay up. Maybe he could give her a rough idea of how much she needs for spending money and food before she goes. If anybidy is to pay for her, it should be her GM who she is close to and who invited her, not her uncle who seemingly, she couldn’t care less about.

They've paid for their own flights. Niece hasn't. They haven't actually cost MIL anything and they pay for her while they're there. Even if no one at all had contributed. One person having a bedroom to themselves while three people share a bed and another has to share with the opposite sex is not fair.

they haven't contributed either. MIL paid for all the accommodation herself

Im pretty sure her nan will be fine to make sure her niece has food/dinner of an evening and won't mind contributing towards trips as well. there doesn't seem to many any suggestion that you pay for her for trips?

And if push comes to shove your DH can always send his brother the bill for any food or trips his daughter might have eaten or attended that you paid for.

Unless there's a massive drip feed, it all seems a bit unkind when she hasn't done anything massively wrong to you all and her grandmother is paying for the accommodation.

So you, DH and DD are going to share 2 single beds between you. A 14 year old boy is going to share with his grandmother. So a 24 yo girl who hasn't contributed financially at all can have two beds to herself?

Not a fucking chance. How is that fair. Obviously MIL and niece share a bedroom if MIL wants her there and she's not even contributing.

I'd climb into bed with niece and send DD into MIL before I let a developing 14 boy share a bedroom with his grandmother.

In terms of everything else in the holiday. Plan your own family things, let MIL and niece do what they want. If they say "oh we'd like to join you on that activity" say "great, I'll send niece the link so you can book it, I've already booked ours.". When you go for meals tell the waiter you'll order yours separately to make it easier for MIL and niece.

Can’t DH speak to his brother? Give DN an idea of cost for meals out and to find out what games she like to play. Mention DD bedtimes 😂

Yep here come the YANBU for being petty about family dynamics toward non-blood relatives. 😂
82 you said? Golden child? Good!!! Grandma gets to see more people SHE loves. Awesome. This was a trip for her, right? Cool. What’s the real problem? Jealousy about Golden child? Miffed the 24 year old is awkward around children? Has she spent a lot of time around children? Or is just weird to you that Grandma would share a room with DS 14? And she was 68 yrs old when DS 14 was born and still sees him as a boy…

I’m not seeing a problem.

Well said.

wait so MIL has paid for accommodation for everyone?

then Niece can come if her grandmother wants her to, but obviously she should share with her during the time you're there.

The 14 year old has said he's OK with it.

you are going to Tresco !

I get the feeling that you’re not telling the whole story.
MIL pays for the house so it’s really up to her who she has stay. If you don’t like it - book your own accommodation. You’ve had plenty of free accommodation in the last few years so maybe MIL wants to share that with niece too.

I think your concerns about being annoyed with niece and niece's not getting on with your daughter are unreasonable. You can still do what you want to do while you are there and if niece doesn’t want to join in, she needn't.

However, I think it’s totally off to expect a 14-year-old boy to share a bedroom with an elderly woman, even his grandmother. Your husband needs to tell MIL that that is unacceptable and niece will have to share with her grandmother.

DS 14 CANNOT SHARE WITH 82 YEAR OLD GRANDMA... NOT FAIR ON EITHER OF THEM.

Does MIL know this is what's planned? Does DS 14 know?

Like others have said use it as an opportunity to have your own family holiday and meet up with MIL and golden grandchild occasionally, if nec book alternative accommodation

Can anyone explain what is actually wrong with the 14 year old sharing a bedroom with his grandmother? It is something that happens all over the world including in this country.

This is a temporary arrangement, one week, a boy who is close to his grandmother and happy to share with her. What do people think is going to happen, they aren't sharing a bed, they don't need to undress in front of each other and I'm sure they won't, they are going to sleep.

I agree with others who have said that your 14 Yr old son cannot share with his grandmother, that's all kinds of wrong. If anyone should be sharing with her, it's the niece. I would refuse to go, if they expect a 14 Yr old boy to share with an old lady. Regardless of her being his grandmother, it's just wrong on so many levels!

DS can’t room with grandma. Otherwise, it is what it is. Some people do not have interest in young children and there’s nothing wrong with them. My daughter is the same way. Just be pleasant and leave niece alone.

Aside from 14 year old sharing with Granny, you’re over reacting

Any scope for a tent in the garden? My older grandkids love camping.

I would voice your surprise that you weren't all consulted about the change, but would insist it is SHE who shares with her Grandmother and not your son, which is neither fair on him or appropriate!

The gran and the 14 year old are OK with it so nothing weird about it.

Yes I'm surprised at such outrage on the bedroom, like you I would be pissed off about the changes without any consultation but what do people think is so inappropriate with gran and 14 year old sharing a room? There is an ensuite so everyone changes in there, wears pyjamas so no one is horrified with the sight of more than they can cope with and then people lie down and go to sleep.

The more the merrier! OP - go with an open mind and you might end up having a good time.

And if it’s not a good time, return home earlier. Next time, book your own family holiday and invite or don’t invite whoever you like.

Well you and your DH have voices, so use them. No to DS sharing with grandma. If your H thinks this is appropriate then thats just weird.

As for the niece you're making it sound as if youre forced to spend time with her. You can go off and do your own thing. As will she, as I doubt she wants to spend loads of time with you. She's not your niece. Let your H host her.

I never understand families that boringly circulate around the needs of MIL.