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To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

288 replies

Mossyroller · 24/06/2024 19:32

MIL books two weeks at the same house on the same dates each year; her and FIL holidayed there every year till he died 4 years ago. Since then we have holidayed with her for one of the weeks as she doesn’t want to go on her own for the whole time.
We pay for our own flights and with 4 of us that’s not cheap, and we take her out/ generally organise stuff like trips/meals. (Things she wouldn’t do on her own). Flights were booked 9 months ago.

Niece (24) has just split from her boyfriend and DH tells me today that MIL has booked and paid for her flights to join us, and that she is staying for the 2 weeks.

Niece has only met DD3 once this last Christmas, and for some reason kept making DD cry (I think it was because she didn’t know her and was quite awkward with her?). She ignored or seemed frustrated with the children, made zero effort, didn’t contribute in anyway and clearly had zero interest in our family (which I do get a bit as she is a young adult now). To be honest I’d tried so hard over the years to keep in contact with her, have sent birthday cards/gifts, all to no acknowledgement, that after Xmas day I stopped and suggested DH maintained an effort which he hasn’t.

The holiday house has 3 bedrooms so apparently now DS14, is going to share a room with grandma (82), so Niece can have her own room. I think that’s a bit off?

It changes the dynamic as Niece doesn’t want to do the stuff we normally do. And MIL has always made it clear niece is the ‘golden’ grandchild.

I’m a bit miffed and DH doesn’t see it at all, he says it’ll just be what it is, that I’m being completely unreasonable, am I though?

OP posts:
dunkdemunder · 25/06/2024 21:54

MrsWhites · 25/06/2024 21:18

Thing is, we don’t know that the Niece isnt prepared to pay her way - that’s an assumption, the OP seems annoyed that she’s going because she doesn’t pay her kids attention etc - what 24 year old would?

I’m not saying it’s not inconvenient for the OP to have her holiday plans changed at short notice but it’s a bit rich to be annoyed that her MIL has paid for her granddaughter to join them when she was happy enough for MIL to cover their accommodation costs too!

If the op pays for MIL when out what are the chances a 24 year old will pay for themselves.

Beautifulbythebay · 25/06/2024 21:37

Dh has never shared a room with any dc.. With a baby under 9 months only...

Lyraloo · 25/06/2024 21:23

Inertia · 24/06/2024 19:44

The house isn’t big enough. It sounds like it was a squeeze before. DS can’t share with his grandma-why can’t niece?

Can you cancel under the pretext of giving MIL and niece more space? Or book other accommodation?

I wouldn’t even use a pretext, I’d be upfront with GM and say it’s totally inappropriate for ds to share with her, whilst two woman is fine! If she doesn’t want to do that, book accommodation without them! I’m so fed up with reading about men that can’t or won’t stand up to their mothers but expect their wives to put up and shut up!

MrsWhites · 25/06/2024 21:18

Thing is, we don’t know that the Niece isnt prepared to pay her way - that’s an assumption, the OP seems annoyed that she’s going because she doesn’t pay her kids attention etc - what 24 year old would?

I’m not saying it’s not inconvenient for the OP to have her holiday plans changed at short notice but it’s a bit rich to be annoyed that her MIL has paid for her granddaughter to join them when she was happy enough for MIL to cover their accommodation costs too!

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 21:13

it's 2 weeks

GrannyRose15 · 25/06/2024 21:10

I agree DS sharing with grandma won’t work but what does he think? Isn’t there a put-me-up in the sitting room that would do. It’s only for a week. I wouldn’t be cancelling at this stage. I’d see how things went but if it turns out to be the disaster you envisage then I wouldn’t be going next year.

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:55

JK

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:55

Niece's mum?

saraclara · 25/06/2024 20:54

I'm hoping that OP is somewhat less wound up about this than many posters are. Because if she had the attitude of a lot of people here, I'd be hoping that grandma just withdrew her invitation.

One year my younger daughter didn't want to join us on our family holiday. She was very happy just staying home and hanging out with her friends. But her grandma invited her to join her and SIL and family on their holiday. DD happily joined them.
It didn't occur to me to check on the situation with SIL. We were already away when MIL made the offer.

It turns out that DD wangled the trip then. Who knew? And she wasn't even getting over a break up

Lollypop701 · 25/06/2024 20:44

If you don’t go op you know your dh will pay for everything for whoever is there… dn will have a great free holiday.

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:44

But poor OP loses her hollibobs!

PorridgeEater · 25/06/2024 20:39

"Send DH and DS. They can have a week away and you can take your DD on little trips. If she's only 3, and the niece gets irritated by her, she and you won't have a good time anyway."

This seems like a good idea - if you can get a refund on the flights?

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:38

She's got herself a solo room. Nana is paying for house. Daddy paid for her flights. She's not a woman is she.

It's a break-up love. Get a grip.

saraclara · 25/06/2024 20:36

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:32

Has she form for freeloading? She's wangled a 2 week stay on the Channel Islands...

Oh for goodness sake. She's "wangled" it?

Grandma has invited her grandchild, who's been through a tough time. She's also invited her other grandchildren, along with OP and her DH. What makes niece's invitation "wangled" any more then OP's was?

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:32

Has she form for freeloading? She's wangled a 2 week stay on the Channel Islands...

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:23

MIL and BIL have stitched you both up.

saraclara · 25/06/2024 20:22

I don't understand why you think you're going to be paying for the niece, @Mossyroller . Where is the assumption that you pay for her food and entrance fees etc? Had MIL actually said you have to? You haven't holidayed with her before, so what is it that makes you think that you're going to be paying for anything to do with her?

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:20

She's a woman-child. Does she work? Or is she gainfully unemployed...

BruFord · 25/06/2024 20:20

@SleepytiredyawnQuite, it’s just bizarre to assume that they’d fund a 24-year-old’s meals and activities, isn’t it?! If her Grandma wants to treat her, fair enough.

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:19

Jersey, Guernsey or Sark?

RtHndOGd · 25/06/2024 20:19

This is cruel to be kind. At 24, I'd my own home, job and baby. I left home at 18.

I'm not surprised he dumped her.

Loser!

Turquoise123 · 25/06/2024 20:17

Your husband says it is what it is . But what it is is not a holiday. If there is an option for you not to go - take it .you must feel very let down.

Sleepytiredyawn · 25/06/2024 20:15

Mossyroller · 24/06/2024 20:31

To answer a few Q’s-

DH was told today by brother in law (nieces dad). I suspect he and MIL booked the flights for niece and no we weren’t included in any conversations around this.
I have absolutely said DS should not be sharing with Grandma, and have suggested DH tells MIL that. Bless DS he’s just said he doesn’t mind where he sleeps so long as grandmas happy (he loves it there, it is beautiful) but it is well weird I think for him to share with her when it really isn’t necessary. I think DH doesn’t want to rock the boat, which he very much has form for when it comes to his family.

MIL pays for the accommodation each year. It’s a small very expensive island off the U.K., and finding somewhere else for us 4 to stay would be expensive and probably quite tricky given places tend to be booked way in advance.

DD3 will sleep in with us. DS could sleep in the lounge but I don’t think he should have to, he should have the bedroom he was going to have.

I totally agree that if I go then I’m going to suggest MIL and niece do their own things together, and we can still do family stuff just us 4. To PP who said we’d be expected to pay for niece to join in the trips/meals you are absolutely correct!! The more I think of it the more it’s winding me up; i can’t exactly explain it but it’s like MIL changes who she is around niece and we become an annoyance, but the rest of the time she loves us to help/include her (which I am now realising I have done far too much of rather than her own sons!).

I would say pretty soonish that you have only got the funds for your immediate family and to treat the Grand Parent as she pays for the accommodation, therefore, how would splitting bills work best for everyone. They may be taken aback but they will know that you aren’t going to contribute to funding her 2 week break.

Runnerduck34 · 25/06/2024 20:14

Is this your main / only holiday?
That would significantly impact how I feel about it.
If its your main or only holiday you have every right to be peex off, but if it's a second / extra holiday then I'd be more tolerant.
Do you really want to go on this holiday ever year and is the niece the final straw?
I think niece has to share with grandma for the week you overlap, as it's more practical for your niece to share with her grandma than your son.
Are you going the first or second week?
I guess if it's second week the niece may already be ensconced in her room.
I can see why mil invited her DGD, especially if she was there alone for a week.
I guess you either negotiate rooms
Find alternative accommodation
Or suck it up for a week but reassess if you want to go every year.
Do DHs siblings not want to go? Or are they there for the week you aren't ?

Dexterrolledoffthesofa · 25/06/2024 20:07

Beautifulbythebay · 25/06/2024 19:15

Nobody heard of Morning Wood?

Is that in Surrey? 🤣