To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

If your DS is happy to share with her and if she would respect his privacy when changing etc, then I think just go with it. I think my lovely teenage DNs would be ok with sharing with MIL.

At this stage I'd share with MIL myself (and possibly bring 3 year old in with me). Leave DH and your son to share.

I think it's highly likely that the teenager in many of these scenarios would much rather not be sharing a room with their parents, tbh - particularly if they are the 'let it all hang out' kind.

And you think it's 'sick' to say a teenager deserves some privacy? I'd say most people would understand that there's a need for it at that age.

Of course there are other options and no one is being forced, the boy and his grandmother are OK with it. The thing that is so unpleasant is the instant "it is so inappropriate."

I think to be so focused on a 14 year old boy and his grandmother sharing a room is sick. Go to any family orientated hotel and you will see families sharing a room, mum dad maybe a teenage boy and another child. So how does that work? Or does mum and/or dad being in the room suddenly mean there isn't an issue?

This

It got YANBU from Me due to the sleeping arrangement with DS and Grandma

Just wondering what you've decided to do @Mossyroller ?

If there was no other option, I would say DS and Gran could share. But there are options! Like niece could share with gran, or DS could camp in garden or OP and DD don’t go. No need to force sharing.

No need for sarcasm and your 'sick fascination' comment is just odd. I think even having one under bed covers would be mortifying enough for the poor boy with his gran in the room, it's not about whether she'd see.

(See also: wet dreams)

What while he's standing naked in the middle of the room? I'm pretty sure he will have bed coverings in his separate bed, he can wear pyjamas, his grandmother isn't going to be hovering to check him when he wakes up.

Of course some women might have a sick fascination with this sort of thing and make a careful study of the GC, some of us are actual adults and get on with life.

It is a week, no one is suggesting he shares with his gran for the rest of his life. He will be on holiday, having fun, playing board games in the evening and then going to bed to sleep. What privacy does he need on a 7 day holiday? How do 14 year olds at boarding school manage, how do kids manage on school holidays. The obsession on MN that every child has to have exclusive use of a bedroom is ridiculous.

Going away with my GSs to somewhere quite expensive I gave them the option, family room with extra to spend or two rooms and a bit tighter on the budget. They had no hesitation as they knew all we would be doing in that room would be sleeping. The OPs 14 year old son obviously has the same attitude.

DN shares with Gma... or don't go. End of.

I would have no qualms whatsoever, in telling her that she's being extremely selfish

What? All the young woman has done is accept her grandma's invitation to join her. That is the ONLY thing we know about her involvement in this holiday arrangement.

It's probably Grandma who's decided on the sleeping arrangements, and everything else is just conjecture on OP 's part.
For goodness sake @GoneFishingToday you're entire post is just stuff you've made up in your head.

I think that if I were you OP, I would call NOT text, your DN and say how pleased you are that she's joining you and the family on holiday. Then, tell her that you understand that GM is expecting your DS to share a room with her, which he is really uncomfortable about, being a teenage boy, puberty, etc., and ask her if, as she will have had a choice of rooms for the first week, she would mind very much swapping and sleeping in with GM herself, so that your DS can have his privacy, which you feel sure that as she was a teenager not that long ago, she will understand. If she says no way, then I would have no qualms whatsoever, in telling her that she's being extremely selfish, and making it clear that you hope she'll be paying for herself if the family goes on meals out together, as you feel it would be unfair of her to expect you to pay, when she won't even sleep in a different room to help you out, even though your holiday was booked first! Also, if she refuses, I'd be inclined to make it clear to MIL that this will be the last joint holiday, as having your DN there, has totally changed the dynamic, and she's also proved herself to be very selfish, by point blank refusing to swap rooms, in order that her adolescent MALE cousin can have some privacy, forcing him to have to sleep in with his GM, which in incredibly out of order for a boy of his age!

so the niece is also doing grandma a favour keeping her company.

Yeah, maybe she is but u don't put other people out.

Yes, as they had already booked the hotel rooms. We were abroad, so weren't involved in any of it.

But knowing all the family members involved they wouldn't have cared. When we all stayed with MIL over Christmas etc, there'd be 11 of us staying in her three bed (one a box room) house! Up to six of them/us (always including MIL) sleeping on mattresses or sofa cushions on the floor downstairs. Good times ❤️

A 14 year old boy sharing a room with his grandma? I don't think so. It's very awkward. Just book your own place and visit with grandma and niece if and when you feel like it. If ever.

I think some posters also haven’t grasped that the Op and family are only going for the second week.

Before inviting the niece, the MIL was going to be alone for that week - so the niece is also doing grandma a favour keeping her company.

Fgs some of u are forgetting op is going on this trip because MIL doesn't want to go alone, this is MIL'S holiday, op is doing the MIL a favour so why does it matter that MIL is paying for the whole house? They should get the rooms they expected to get when agreeing to go and DS probably only said he doesn't mind sharing with MIL cause maybe he feels he needs too. I agree with telling DH to go sleep in the room with his Mum if it comes to it. I'd go as far as suggesting he shares with DN, see how many people think that's inappropriate but it's OK for DS to share with MIL.

People asking why can't DS share with MIL, why can't DN? op really needs to put her foot down and say it's not happening.

As for paying for DN, don't! Who said u have to? If u all go out for a meal and u are paying for MIL, ask DN beforehand if she'd like to come, give her an estimate for the cost of her meal, when the bill comes split it 5 ways, OP, DH, DS, MIL and DN, DN pays her own share and op pays the rest. I will add that when I go out to dinner with family the bill is split between all the adults and not the kids but to avoid DN from moaning I'd include your own children so yous are paying for yourselves.

Going forward, I would tell DH that's the last holiday there, that's if u don't want to go again. Tell them 4 years is plenty enough holidays and u want to do your own thing from now on.

Occasion has never called for it. Caravan or holiday cottage trips with own bedrooms . Not everyone can afford hotels.

That’s a bit odd if they’re his DC. Perfectly fine for a father to share with his children.

So DH can share with his mother, you can have ds in a twin with you. DD goes in with the golden child.

You do your own thing if DN doesn’t want to engage with what you normally do

And… you don’t go again unless DH grows a spine.

I really feel for your son in this. I would not want to put him through it and I would get DH to telll his mother why it’s inappropriate. DH surely can remember what it’s like being a 14 yr old boy. I would book different accommodation for your son, you and your DH.

Did SIL and everyone else have to scrunch up to accommodate your DD? Did people end up having to share with kids whereas they had previously had rooms to themselves?