To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

Of course your DN should share with her GM for the second week. She's on holiday, not living there - it's easy enough to switch rooms.

However, DS and DH don't seem to mind and are looking forward to it so unless you want to look like the miserable old cow I think you have just got to accept it.

I think it perfectly acceptable to make it clear that you will not be paying for niece's jollies too.
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If niece is backwards in coming forward, I would take her to one side and be very explicit "Niece we pay for MIL as a thank you for letting us stay for free. Your share is £xx.xx do you want to do bank transfer?"

This is a great way of phrasing it, and of course your DH will be having that conversation!

TBH, if I was the niece the idea of sharing a holiday with my granny and a family of kids I didn't know very well would have me running for the hills, so she may well do that and the problem is solved.

These situations you dread most often turn out to be fine in the end and you wonder why you got so wound up about it.

Plan your own holiday next year if it all goes Pete Tong!

Can you imagine if the niece decides to pull a no-show at the last minute after all this...

@saraclara I still think it would make most sense for just her DH and DS to go, thus solving the bedroom issue as they can share a room, and she can have a week at home with her toddler. Personally, I love a staycation with just one child, you can focus on them and get things done in the house.

Yes. The boy himself seems to especially love this holiday. So OP refusing to go again (and so depriving him of a visiting a place that he loves) seems to be a strange way of sticking up for him over the bedroom.

There is a difference between choosing to share a room and being required to share a room.
My 14 yr old DD would not want to share a room with her Grandfather. Nor he with her.

I think you are missing the point that they all love this holiday and mil pays for the villa which they couldn’t go to without her. I’m staying in Florida at this very moment, most rooms have two double beds and whole families are sharing them. The room next door to me is a surgeon and his wife and two teenage boys, all sharing! They clearly see absolutely nothing wrong with this arrangement and neither does the hotel management, if ds is happy to share with grandma, what’s the issue🤷‍♀️

I would say to your DH that if your DS has to share with DMIL then your hill to die on is that your family unit will not be picking up any of Dnieces costs. You don't care if MIL, BIL or niece herself pay for them, but you won't be doing it. Apart from maybe some household groceries- don't want to appear too petty .

I like your idea of sending a list of what has been booked to MIL and Dniece so she can book her own as required. I would also mention her paying her own share, but I am struggling with wording that doesn't sound awful, so its maybe more of an in person suggestion. Or maybe if you are linking to restaurants "As you can see from menu main course plus a drink and tip usually around £35" which gets the idea across that you won't be paying for it.

If niece is backwards in coming forward, I would take her to one side and be very explicit "Niece we pay for MIL as a thank you for letting us stay for free. Your share is £xx.xx do you want to do bank transfer?"

I’d go suck it up but basically just use the house as a base. Leave mil and niece to their own devices and you dh and the children do what you want. Eat when and where you want. Buy foods for you and the children that you guys actually want. I wouldn’t be paying another adults meal out or trips out as in the niece.

MIL clearly enjoys playing lady bountiful and having everyone dance to her tune!
However she's not that bountiful is she? She's not covering the cost of everything, far from it!

MIL is paying for accommodation but OP and family are paying for flights, food, meals out and trips including MILs share. Plus they don't get a choice over where they go and don't get an opportunity to holiday on their own as a family of four.

She's paying, I'd be a bit miffed that what was agreed has changed, but if it's that awful book your own place.

Actually annoying as the situation is, how sweet is it that your 14 year old DS is so excited about going away to this place, and doesn't mind sharing with his DGM.

How about this OP?

It doesn't sound like you want to be around, or pay for, the niece, which is fine.

And no one wants to be forced into a holiday with people they don't like either. That's just poor boundaries. Yours and your son's have not been respected. That's something you might need to explain to him now as he is completely of an age to fully understand all that, and it's the ideal opportunity.

But - you need a break. Of course you do.

Let them know that given the 'spatial conundrum' you and little one will have a lovely relaxing week at home. Do what you want, eat what you want, go on lovely day unstressful day trips and plenty of rest.

You'll probably feel more refreshed and calm and glad to see DH when they get back, rather than having days seething at niece for being there, and wanting him to stand up for you when paying restaurant bills and the like.

You might not be able to get rid of her, but you can remove yourself from the situation and still get some R&R.

I still think it’s not right for a teenager to share a room with an adult of the opposite sex when two adults of the same sex could easily, with no hassle or inconvenience, share a room. I wouldn’t expect my daughter to share with a grandad or my son to share with a grandma. Honestly it feels strange when there’s a much simpler solution right there!

If we’re camping or only have the option of a single family room, yes, we’d share.

@Mossyroller I just read your update and if your DH isn't willing to share a room with his mother then I wouldn't go. I would cancel the flights. You'll end up paying for your niece when you have meals out or days out. Just stay home with your youngest and let your DH and son go. You could always go on a proper family holiday next year.

3 bedrooms wasn't enough before niece said she was joining you. Book someplace else nearby for you and your family to stay for the week. And make other plans for next year.

And yes OP I would not be going on this "holiday" again. Many people seem to be missing that this arrangement is more for DMILs benefit than yours.
It is beyond ridiculous to tell a 14 year old boy that he needs to share with his DGM, particularly when there are alternative solutions available. It seems like DMIL doesn't seem to understand the symbiotic nature of this holiday and has decided she can place you as she wishes.

Well, it sounds to be a magical place that your family love so you may well be cutting your nose off to spite your face if you really do decide not to go again, OP. You may not much like your MIL but it seems the rest of your family do so maybe just stay home yourself next time, or go somewhere of your choice with a friend or alone if you'd prefer that. Genuine suggestion. Not many people are treated to a holiday by family members and it's sensible for you to reciprocate a bit by booking trips etc. and cooking, obvs, there are 4 of you and 1 of MIL. DH, DN and DS could be on washing up, cleaning as necessary, and clearing up duty perhaps.

Posters are concentrating on DS's feelings re sharing a bedroom with his grandma - which I undetstand as that decision seems to have been made for him - but tbf it could be difficult for MIL too, just a compronise to be made to help her family and have a holiday herself. Is that so very wrong for her to want to do that as things become more difficult and more lonely as people age?

Another potential room solution is the OP and younger DC shares room with DNiece.

It’s not sick. It’s about teenagers needing privacy. We stopped sharing hotel rooms when ours were around 12 I think. Out of respect for their privacy.

So 24 yr old brat of a niece has gatecrashed your holiday & swiped ds14's bedroom.

No @CoffeeBeansGalore . Grandma has invited her granddaughter, who's had a tough time, to join her on her holiday. And as she has the bedroom for the first week when OP is not there, grandma sends to find it sensible for her to remain there. There is no indication that niece has insisted on any of this.

Niece has not gatecrashed anything. She has simply accepted her grandma's offer.

So 24 yr old brat of a niece has gatecrashed your holiday & swiped ds14's bedroom. All whilst dear granny smiles sweetly at her favourite granddaughter? Charming.

Slightly out of the box - would a pop up tent fit in the living room? Put it up each evening & Ds could at least have a little privacy. Order on Amazon & get it delivered ready for when you arrive (you said you were there for 2nd week of booking).

Do not pay for anything for her. Be very very clear on this. She is 24 & working. She can pay her own way. I would go so far as at restaurants state when ordering that it will be separate bills.

Good luck op. Hope you have some lovely days out as a 4 & let niece get on with entertaining granny.

As mother in law booked and paid for the house I don't see how you can complain. Surely she can invite who she wants?
But if you want you could book somewhere else so you can still use your flights and also have your own space.

I'd stick to your guns about not paying for trips and meals for niece - break down bills and tell her what she owes for tickets and her share of meals. Doesn't need to be unpleasant. Sounds like niece might prefer to do stuff separately anyway from your previous meet ups so it might not be an issue. As your DH said, she can be company for DM and they may choose different outings or resteraunts. If DS isn't that bothered about sharing then that's fine. I'd have been gutted at his age (I loved to stay up late reading and would have disturbed my sharer) but it's great he's so relaxed. It's only a week. Personally, I'd have stayed at home but hopefully all will be better than you think!

@Mossyroller - I'd actually put your foot down and don't go this time.
MiL and DN thought nothing about shifting the goalposts on you without a second thought - you can do the same. The time for discussion on this has been and gone and while this might be your only holiday this year, your husband hasn't done nothing to stand up for his family in this situation. It was a done deal by his brother and mother, for goodness sake and your side of the family will end up paying for things that DN and MiL will be going to with you. Not a chance!