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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed DH’s niece is now coming on holiday with us

288 replies

Mossyroller · 24/06/2024 19:32

MIL books two weeks at the same house on the same dates each year; her and FIL holidayed there every year till he died 4 years ago. Since then we have holidayed with her for one of the weeks as she doesn’t want to go on her own for the whole time.
We pay for our own flights and with 4 of us that’s not cheap, and we take her out/ generally organise stuff like trips/meals. (Things she wouldn’t do on her own). Flights were booked 9 months ago.

Niece (24) has just split from her boyfriend and DH tells me today that MIL has booked and paid for her flights to join us, and that she is staying for the 2 weeks.

Niece has only met DD3 once this last Christmas, and for some reason kept making DD cry (I think it was because she didn’t know her and was quite awkward with her?). She ignored or seemed frustrated with the children, made zero effort, didn’t contribute in anyway and clearly had zero interest in our family (which I do get a bit as she is a young adult now). To be honest I’d tried so hard over the years to keep in contact with her, have sent birthday cards/gifts, all to no acknowledgement, that after Xmas day I stopped and suggested DH maintained an effort which he hasn’t.

The holiday house has 3 bedrooms so apparently now DS14, is going to share a room with grandma (82), so Niece can have her own room. I think that’s a bit off?

It changes the dynamic as Niece doesn’t want to do the stuff we normally do. And MIL has always made it clear niece is the ‘golden’ grandchild.

I’m a bit miffed and DH doesn’t see it at all, he says it’ll just be what it is, that I’m being completely unreasonable, am I though?

OP posts:
Inertia · 24/06/2024 19:44

The house isn’t big enough. It sounds like it was a squeeze before. DS can’t share with his grandma-why can’t niece?

Can you cancel under the pretext of giving MIL and niece more space? Or book other accommodation?

PrincessCordelia · 24/06/2024 19:43

Maybe get your own holiday home nearby seems like this might all get a bit cramped in more ways than one!

RiverF · 24/06/2024 19:43

I don't think niece coming is unreasonable, but niece needs to share with Grandma

Toolateforteeth · 24/06/2024 19:42

A 14yr old lad cannot be sharing with his grandma, that's grim, inappropriate and super awkward for your son. Fine for your niece though.

Coralsunset · 24/06/2024 19:41

Book your own accommodation and you will have a much better holiday.

And don’t agree to this trip next year.

Ilikewinter · 24/06/2024 19:41

I agree with PP. Theres is no way you can expect your DS to share a room with his gran, he must be horrified!

Ponoka7 · 24/06/2024 19:41

I agree that the Niece can't share with grandma. She is an adult so if she is upsetting your child, you step in. You go and do what's planned and leave DN and GM (if she wants to stick with DN) to it.

Gatecrashermum · 24/06/2024 19:39

No way can a 14yo boy share a room with his grandma.

I'd say you need to get alternative accommodation if niece is joining grandma. Plan on doing more on your own as a family and only meet up with them every other day. You'll save money by not subsidising the niece for all activities!

Grandma will have niece with her to keep her company

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/06/2024 19:37

Sounds utterly shit. Some holiday.

The niece should share with the grandma, if anyone has to share.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 24/06/2024 19:35

Your 14 year old son cannot sleep with his grandma; that’s not going to work.

you will end up paying for the niece too. So I would keep the flights and book other accommodation and offset the cost of MiL / niece while you are away, or I would cancel.

bluebeck · 24/06/2024 19:35

Tell them DS can’t share with MIL so you won’t be going.

CelesteCunningham · 24/06/2024 19:34

YANBU about DS losing his room. Otherwise YABU.

Badassnameforadojo · 24/06/2024 19:34

Can’t you cancel?