to want my friend to talk about something other than her queer identity

I'm eye rolling. I couldn't care less whether someone is gay, straight, bi or asexual. What on earth does it matter? I can't imagine ever announcing 'As a woman who likes cock I'm making a pink trouser suit^^

Yea, so boring. Have gay friends and straight friends. Love them all but obsessives bore the hell out of me no I don't want to hear about your multiple medical problems

I have no time for this sort of shit any more.

I absolutely would say:

'Mate, I get it, but can we have a single conversation that doesn't revolve entirely around your love of fanny?'

If she's genuinely a nice person and going through a bit of a reinvention of herself and hasn't realised she's being irritating, she'll belt up.

If she is in fact a totally self-centered arse, she will stomp off and you'll never have to talk to her again.

Problem solved either way.

As has been shown here, anything becoming someone’s entire personality becomes tiresome very quickly when you interact often. It’s the same for vegan people that need to insert their veganism into everything. Or anything else that becomes all consuming.

Oh it’s happening on Sewing Bee and it is beyond tedious.

"Some people are only interested in talking about themselves"

This. She's a very self involved - and rather obnoxious sounding - individual. Do you really want to stay friends with her?

She’s not really a friend if every conversation is about her. Her sexuality isn’t the issue, her lack of personality is.

I’m not straight but my daughter hasn’t decided if she’s gay or bi and she has told me that she hates the constant pressure to identify. She’s not seeing anyone and isn’t interested in doing so atm, so until she is, it doesn’t affect anyone else’s life. She says that straight people don’t whang on about their straightness so why should she have to listen to people whang on about their sexuality? I’m really grateful she feels safe talking to me about it, and can hear how frustrated she is, but again, she is not alone with this - quite a few of her friends feel the same way. None of them felt the need to come out (thank god), they just are. Glad that some things have changed for the better since I was a kid. Hopefully one day nobody will give a rats about anyone’s sexuality except for the people they are actually involved with - or wish to be involved with, and talk about food or shoes or the weather or politics instead. Maybe not politics.

I get this all the time with vegans, which is why I've gradually manoeuvred every single one of them out of my life.

Good luck OP.

Is she a real lesbian or a spicy straight?

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

It's like the vegan joke...how do you know if someone is vegan....don't worry they will tell you....(disclaimer I know all vegans are not like this 😂).

Tbh as I have grown older I'm now ridiculously non-invested in people like your "friend".

I don't care what their "passion" is.

Friendship is a two way street and anyone who expects me to act as nothing more than an audience for their performative personality can fuck off.

So I've just become super intolerant and any whiff of this shenanigans and I just let the relationship die a death by never being available to meet up.

I had a friend many years ago that was the same but not gay she was pregnant but omg same old crap same talk same me me me baby baby baby.
Over and over I'm gonna be a mum.
Never said hi to anyone or excuse me it was im pregnant mum to be passing.
I told her on our last visit FFS your not having jesus.
Can we talk about something else other than you.
don't know what pushes me to just spit it out.
Conversation changed for about 3 minutes.
I up and left.
So I've heard over the years she now as 4 kids and is worse with how hard her life is and needs help etc etc.

I couldn't help myself. Next time it comes up just react with extreme surprise and say "are you gay/queer? You've never mentioned it...". And then collapse in laughter. She will either join you or be mortally offended and flounce. Either way problem solved. 🤣

If and it's a big If,
I had a friend like this I'd not hesitate to say

"ok you're gay no big deal in 2024" can we discuss other things rather than your sexuality.

If she gets upset..tough.

It has never occurred to me to chat about the fact I am straight. There are very many more fascinating things to talk about.

Mention you are gay/lesbian/bi or whatever if you absolutely must, then move on to something interesting.

My sister had rather messy divorce 37 years ago, involving private detectives, money being hidden, him having an affair etc. Every single time we have a conversation she will pick on some detail of this divorce and go on and on and on and on about it. She hasn't seen the man for 37 years

"As a gay woman, I like my tea shaken, not stirred."

I'd be tempted to write all her sayings in a notebook. Make a game of it.

Cheek of you 😂

I’d run a mile from anyone who described themselves as queer.

And I’m saying that as a lesbian.

I agree OP, it's tedious. As a previous poster said, it's like a substitute for a personality. Nobody actually cares.

I would distance myself from her if you can.

I'd find this very boring. I find it bad enough with things like Sewing Bee when a contestant is saying 'As a member of the queer community this is what I'm sewing' about a garment.

I really wonder how much of the performative identity acting on Sewing Bee is at the behest of the producers. The BBC seem to have endless guidelines for inclusion. How are viewers supposed to know that boxes have been ticked if the label bearers don't make an ostentatious display of it?

What's a presentation style?

It’s dull when someone only talks about one thing- I have a friend that bangs on about her ex who she spilt up with 8 years ago!
As a result I only see her when there’s an activity to keep us occupied…

@asterel and @HellonHeels I'm also old enough to be cringing at 'Queer'.

It was a really unpleasant slur when we were young. I assume it's the younger generation (mainly) reclaiming the word in the same way black rappers use the N word.

But I still find both offensive. I'd be unhappy describing someone as 'queer'. As @asterel says, I always just wanted people to be free to love whoever they wished - same/different race or same/different sex without it being in any way remarkable or unacceptable.