to want my friend to talk about something other than her queer identity

Good on you. The constant flag waving is becoming increasingly unbearable.

@Jacopo as a lesbian living in Yorkshire your comment made me laugh. I'm not a vegan though-so there's that!

Seriously though it's one thing mentioning one's general life in conversation (e.g. me saying "my girlfriend and I saw that show last week") versus the constant "well as a lesbian I think..." sometimes I wonder if it's because this is the first time in history people have been able to openly talk about it and so a lot of people have not learnt to self-regulate yet?

I always say that my sexuality is one of the most boring aspects of my identity-and as a few posters have pointed out, identity is often mistaken for personality these days.

People tend to talk about what they are still working through in their lives – be that dating, a relationship, a career chance or anything else of significance that they are either struggling with or still exploring. And yes, some people do get bored of their friends talking excessively about any one aspect of their life – whether it's a relationship, a job, or anything else. Either talk to her about it, keep tactfully changing the subject or drop her.

It’s always boring when people make something like this their whole identity. I knew someone who could only talk about their mental health. I’d be updated on their meds and lots of things, it’s all they could talk about.

I had a lovely work friend who was really down to earth, hilarious and intelligent.
She got really into being ‘queer’ despite being married to a man, and became a bit like this. I’m bi and my Dad came out later in life so am no stranger to the issues but tbh it’s not stuff I want to revisit over and over. I used to change the subject if it went on longer than 5 mins and she gradually got bored of it and moved onto other concerns which were more current.

@Tarquina likewise. 27 years for my older sister (private detectives, landlines bugged, money, he was having an affair too) bangs on about nothing else. We did this, we did that ... it was 1997 ffs, leave it now, please.
I refer to her as Miss Havisham on the quiet.

It’s very dull when someone only talks about one topic or chooses one issue and makes it their personality.

I have a good friend who divorced about eight years ago. It was a very difficult time for her, and really happy to support her but she is still going on and on and on about it.

Theres nothing to say either, she has a good relationship with her ex, is in a good place professionally, I don’t know why it’s the topic of every conversation.

Nah, it used to be a slur used against gay man and lesbians.

Now its being used by straight people with 'identities' .

That's not reclaiming, that's appropriation.

'As a woman who likes cock I'm making a pink trouser suit, Esme'.

🤣🤣 It sounds v. boring, OP, I’d meet up less often and see whether the friendship survives. You don’t have to spend time with someone who bores you.

No, it wasn't. It was a single young woman who made it sound that being "queer" brought with it a set requirements that others wouldn't understand.

How dull! It seems that being queer has turned into the new goth and it’s more about being part of a gang than about your actual sexuality. It seems that some people who just want to fit in some make up some rubbish about being non-binary or pansexual that doesn’t involve any gender changing or actually having relationships with the opposite sex.

I’m bisexual but I married a man so it has literally no relevance to my life now so I’m most people I’ve met in the last 15 years would have no idea at all. I don’t shy away from it if there was ever a reason to bring it up (e.g talking about past relationships) but there generally isn’t. Unless we get divorced it will stay that way.

I have a friend who is exactly the same.

She was like it a few years back when she found god.

It's her latest obsession. She'll move on when something more exciting takes her interest.

I think the location. Location example is actually fair enough (if it was the 4 female one based in Brighton)

Brighton is a good place to live if gay as it's very open and couples holding hands in public is normal.

That sadly is probably not the case in a lot of places in the uk.

I'm afraid she wouldn't like me...I have a very broad but even more so random set of skills that cross the previously "gender defined roles". As in, you won't get me touching anything under the bonnet of a car, but I'm equally at home using the washing machine as I am mending it. Currently in the process of putting up shelves so that I can put the ironing away.

And I can't cook.

Gay male mid forties here. Reminds me of the final episode of The Smoking Room, where Robin was accidentally outed, and then had to admit that it was clear everyone knew anyway. He became just a little too forward in one of his conversations, which resulted in Len the security guard leaning over and saying:

"Well done on coming out lad...but go back in a bit".

There are so many times when I've trotted that line out in my head, in reaction to what I have seen or heard...never least the episode of Location, Location, Location, where a young lass brought her queer [sic] status into the mix of factors that are are important to her choices.

No, me neither. 🤔

I'm with @Murfmeister

Can't imagine they're missing you 🤣

Is she quite recently out? I came out over 40 years ago and tbh I think I was the 'only lesbian in the village' for quite a while. I must have been v tedious, but at least I was a bit of a novelty.

It did wear off, though. There's only so much to say, and after a while I bored myself.

My aunt is similar. She somewhat recently embraced her lesbianism and manages to shoehorn it in to literally every conversation and on the family chat constantly. It has become pretty much the majority of her personality which would be fine if she wasn't so grossly misandristic about it too. So many comments about how much better being in a relationship with a woman is, ooh yeah this woman can use a drill and top up the oil in the car (which is apparently a purely lesbian trait worthy of celebrating) and generally shitting on blokes.

My DC's friends are like this. But they're teenagers and will hopefully grow out of it.

That did make me laugh!!

Obviously, the answer would be Yorkshire. Why even mention anything else?? 😁

😆😅😂

This reminds me of Vera from the 80s/90s sitcom After Henry, who at every opportunity would "My daughter Trisha, who's married to a merchant banker..."

This 100%.

We knew a couple with a holiday home in France. Honestly she would get it into every conversation within the first three sentences.

It was probably as annoying as your friend's conversation. We just laughed in the end about it and mixed with her less.

Talking about my 'husband' isn't 'wanging on' about my sexuality - that just happens to be how I refer to the man I'm married to.
I have a gay friend, who refers to his husband all the time - he's not highlighting he is gay, just mentioning the man he's married to. No difference. Why? Because we are both more than who we are sleeping with.

However, as PP have said, there is a growing faction who's very existence is about their 'queerness' and making sure people use their 'preferred pronouns' and condemning anyone who doesn't conform to this ideology as a bigot. When, in reality, it's just not something most people think about.

As others have said, these people are 100% using their identity to make up for their lack of personality.