Have you ever watched the birds in springtime?
When they're building their nests their feathers are full, glossy, and their colours are bright. By the time their fledglings have left the nest, their plumage is drab, feathers are missing, and they just look as if they've flown through the proverbial hedge backwards.
Every time I see the knackered-looking blue tit fly past my kitchen window I think " I remember that feeling."
You might think you're getting good sleep but you may not be sleeping as deeply as before. Looking after a toddler is EXHAUSTING. There's no "off" switch. You're always ready to spring into action. It's not just about the physicality of it, it's the mental drain too. That's why so much is written about the need for self-care - which many of us just laugh hollowly at.
Don't underestimate what it takes from you to raise a child. How much of yourself you are giving, perhaps without even realising it.
And of course, there's pregnancy.
We're so fucking obsessed with weight as a society that all the focus is on whether a woman "snaps back" to her pre-pregnancy weight (I'm looking at you Joe fucking Wicks).
But what we don't talk about is the long-term changes to your skin. Not just your belly. But all over. How the swinging hormones take their toll. How your hair changes after childbirth. Mine took two full years to feel even vaguely normal. How your shape can change - irrespective of weight.
Your body has grown and carried an actual human being. It's incredible when you really think about it. We focus on what we see on the outside, but stopping to consider about what happens internally really puts it all into perspective. The enormous changes a female body has to go through to become pregnant and to sustain a life can't be overstated. Hormone levels go through the roof, and then they plummet. You might end up with a new baseline "normal".
Pregnancy and childbirth isn't just about avoiding stretch marks and losing "baby weight". I found it changed my body irrevocably - some positive effects actually, my migraines almost vanished and my hair is WAY thicker than it was before. But many negatives - my upper abdomen sticks out (I carried twins), my skin is crepey, and my menstrual cycle is different.
At 18 months you're still in the midst of it. Some things will improve. Also, I'm absolutely certain you don't look as terrible as you feel 💐