I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and it’s definitely happened to me too! Depressing!

I'm so glad you mention the hair thing! My hair has never recovered - oldest is 7yo and youngest is 2yo. I honestly am going spare with it - I look like a scarecrow! It used to be fairly decent but a nightmare now.

I think it’s the lack of sleep and also the hormones. I have a controversial completely non proven theory that it’s natures way of making sure you just concentrate on looking after the baby you have, by not being attractive enough to consider having any more 😂😂😂 I felt exactly like you.. I have subsequently tried very hard to lose weight, eat great and generally try and get my spark back. I think it’s worked a bit but I reckon I need another year of working on it all to feel close to what I felt like pre baby!!! When we are out and about, I often think how awful everyone with young kids (say under 5 look). Take some solace in that you are not alone!! X

How old are you? At some point the fat pads in your face start disappearing which has happened to me very quickly! Had kids 2.5 years ago and looking back at the photos of me when I was pregnant/they were newborns I look so different... I still felt like a young person (I was 34 when I had them). I'm 37 now and have lost so much volume from my face/have aged massively since having them.. I look at myself in the mirror and feel old now! It happens to everyone (if we're lucky enough to get old ofc) but it's still hard to accept.. I wish we lived in a culture where people are respected more as they age!!

The no sleep years nearly finished me off.
I call all my various niggles like the tummy smile, the stretch marks on legs and saggy tits my battle scars. We created these little tiny humans, it's pretty amazing.

We are allowed to look a little bit shit 🙃

Solidarity here. I have two little ones, a 10m old and a 3.5yr old. I was 34 when I had my first, snapped back etc. but second pregnancy was so different, I had fluid retention leading to more weight gain, joint issues, pelvic floor issues. Skin is rubbish, hair is lovely and thick, but also way more grey! I am 37 now so some ageing is expected but goodness from 34 to 37 via two kids has taken its toll.

A bag of custard!!! 🤣 Well at least you’ve still got your sense of humour!

I feel the same. Zero change after first kid. But after the second was a different story. Lost so much hair. Malasma and weird patches on my face. I thought it would go away but hasn't. Looks really noticable when I get the sun. The worst bit is how much my eyes have totally changed shape. Literally overnight, my eyes turned sunken. Looks like my eyes are being sucked into their sockets 😂

@SpidersAreShitheads As said by others, what a fabulous post!
Raising little children is wonderful but relentless and growing a human being is a phenomenal thing to have done. It’s hard not to feel you’ve lost yourself a bit but it's just a phase and it will pass. Be kind to yourself. I’m sure you look lovely.

I really don't look fab. I am really pleased with how much weight I have lost and how much more active and fitter I am but I really don't look good at all. I've always had a pretty face and good colouring but I just look old and tired and my body is like a bag of custard.

@starlingskies it's a cream for dry skin eczema and psoriasis. It's in a small white pump bottle with green and purple writing on it and a clear lid. It was about £6 in Sainsbury's and lasts ages using twice a day!

I bet you look fab. Very impressed with the weight loss and the way you are taking care of yourself

The thing that used to really add to my tiredness was the loss of being care free, that goes forever when you have a child(ren) as even when they have grown up there is always at least one corner of your mind that is thinking about them in some capacity.

I massively agree with this last statement. Ageing isn't linear. You can go from 30-35 and barely see a change, but from 36-40 the changes can be radical.

I think a certain amount of acceptance and working with what you've got helps. Obviously it's no fun feeling like crap but I think it makes it worse fighting.

To OP, I'm sure you're still very beautiful even if you don't feel it right now.

It's one of the many unspoken truths about the early years of motherhood. Me and a mate used to lament how we had gone almost overnight from head turners to looking like the walking dead. I also think we are very hard on ourselves as women, self critical of our looks and bodies despite them having done the most amazing thing of carrying, birthing and possibly feeding a baby with that body. We have produced another human being! Maybe it is unrealistic to think that there would be no sign of what we have been through. I was lucky in that I had no stretch marks, my belly and boobs pinged back in a matter of weeks (I was young) but I had horrible problems with the episiotomy and internal stitches, and the exhaustion made me look like an undernourished vampire. Things did improve when I was able to get more sleep, but by that time I was now a single mum and so stressed coping with a cheating soon to be ex-husband who would not pay any child support. Things do get better and then the ageing process starts to accelerate at around 35 and really picks up speed at 40. I just look at some men who look no better than me and they haven't been through all the biological changes us mums have and that makes me feel better.

It's sleep! I totally feel you I don't look myself again but I had forgotten what my face actually looked like. I'd look back at photos and not really recognise myself anymore. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I still do but sleep has made my face look similar. My hair regrowth is Awful. I think it's really common.

I have 3 DC 4-9 yrs. Am 44. Feel like shit. Lost 3st 5lbs since Christmas at Slimming World. Eat really healthily, walk miles, lots of fresh air, garden lots. But my body is just out of shape. Hair not great- looks older. DH thinks I look great (he is increasingly short-sighted and deluded about me). I have lost my 'spring'.

My mum calls it “ she’s in that looks-like-a-milk-producer phase.”

Complete agree! I looked like I was wearing a haggard, 'Spitting Image' type mask of my own face when mine were little. Then there were lots of little random things like short, stubby eyelashes, dry hair, sour milk smell and receding gums.

Dc are now 7 and 9 and I'm slowly coming back to myself. Not how I was 10 years ago obviously, but a decent version of my now 40 year old self. It definitely takes more of an effort now though! Decent skincare, loads of water, less salt and sugar, decent sleep, and regular exercise make the world of difference. Gone are the days of eating crap, staying up late, or rolling out of bed and not looking like a bog witch.

Easier said than done but losing weight is the fastest way to look better in all respects

In his defence I had been moaning about wanting a facial for ages and there was some random reason why he thought that was the best one to choose (think it had "natural" in the title or something). I gave him some gentle ribbing about it but didn't take it too personally! And it was lovely but sadly made zero difference to my manky ancient appearance.