I used to be attractive, how has this happened?

I’m afraid it probably is childbirth plus all those hormones

My little girl is 20 months and I feel exactly the same. I had a bought of stomach flu at Christmas and lost any weight I had gained so felt better then 😂 but I’m a completely different shape. I’ve also spent a fortune on different foundations as nothing seems to work! I hate my skin now

Don’t worry it’ll get better. I’m 36 but have teenagers now and look so much better than I did when they were younger. Pregnancy and young kids just sucks the life right outta ya! All worth it though.

Your last sentence! Buying/trying on clothes has become joyless because nothing looks right. Used to feel good in a revealing or tight outfit but now it’s just finding whatever covers the most.

I identify with those saying that they returned to their pre-baby weight but they are not the same shape. I am back to 57kg, size 10, at 5'5 height, but my arse is flatter. I am really unhappy about this as I have always been fairly flat chested (b cup), but pre motherhood, having a reasonable sized bum was good compensation for my lack of chest. Now, I just look slim but flabby all over.

I really hope some of it is down to the lack of exercise and it will come back once my DS (currently 2) is older and I have more time to work out again.

I don't really get any enjoyment out of clothes any more as nothing looks right on me with a flat arse.

Oh and yes! My teeth all moved during my first pregnancy, my gums swelled so much that a huge gap appeared when they subsided, so now I'm saving up for cosmetic dental work. I hate smiling, and don't want to be that surly looking parent at my children's shows 😭

Oh god I relate to this. But I had my first at 41 and my second at 43 so I was already entering a phase of gentle decline 😆 I'm now 45 and I cannot shake this bone shattering fatigue. It hits me around 5pm, my body just droops, and my ankles ache to the point where I sometimes have to lie down after dinner (and I used to have all the energy in the world). I worry that my children see a lazy parent when I want to be as active as I know I am.

I really want to get back in shape, not necessarily for the 'look' (although I can't lie, I'd love to look better too) but mainly because I feel good when I am physical (proper physical, not running around after toddler or cleaning the house physical), but I cannot find the time or motivation.

My skin is starting to get that crepe look (I'm looking at you, neck), my eyes feel smaller, and my make up style has changed because too much eyeliner now makes me look angry, and that's when I have the time to do it anyway. I cut my hair super short after I had my first because it turned so brittle, and now I want to grow it back so I'm in an in between stage where I look like Justin Bieber and then I think "will I ever look feminine again?" I just feel a bit ugly. And this is all despite being completely in awe of women and our bodies and what we do before, during and after childbirth, and rail against the injustices of society telling us to look a certain way! It seems I talk the talk but not walk the walk.

I'm jealous of everyone who is comforting themselves with thoughts of having a happy 40s, for while it was true for me (before having kids I knew I would LOVE my 40s) I'm in the thick of it, so likely won't feel like myself until I'm 60 (no shade intended, I have no fear of ageing, but it just feels a long way away!) Topping that off is I'm probably my going to separate from my husband soon (another story) so I'm dreading all of that too - I know it's possible to find love as an older woman, obviously, but I've not had much luck to date, and time is running out!

Having said all of that, while I am mentally and physically drained, and have got a bit impatient and snappy with all the fatigue and emotional overload, I do feel I have come into my own in terms of wisdom and knowledge and understanding of life... I am a better person for having children, can see more clearly, and in days of yore would have become a wise woman, I'm sure, making potions for the neighbours and creating a matriarchal commune on a mountain somewhere 😆

Hmmm. I think I needed that vent, the first time I've put in words how I'm feeling about myself right now.

agreed on clothes - I seem to be an odd shape now despite only putting on half a stone in pg and losing it easily afterwards. Def peri meno too as have various ovarian issues - perhaps should seek a consultation to check that out also. Hair/ brows/ nails always done….so have that checked at least! Think it’s just a general lack of energy and sleep taking its toll perhaps

@OneAzureBiscuit what other supplements do you take? I have a regular multivitamin plus high vit d but sure they’re could be more to help!

You look better at 38 than when you were 17 and 19?! Amazing!

Yes I'm the same age. It's hard to get clothes that seem to suit me anymore. Lost the baby weight but I look an odd shape. A good haircut and eyebrows go a long way though.

I could have written this! For me it's the lack of sleep plus I think the impact of all the hormonal changes during and after pregnancy and breastfeeding. It all takes a toll plus when they're so wee I think it's hard to find time to do the nice things for yourself the way you could have before!

I think sometimes with NHS you have to push, but, in short, I believe it’s increasingly accepted how much earlier the peri arc starts than was once thought - back in our mum’s snd grandmother’s days when menopause was identifiers pretty much once periods stopped altogether. Late thirties is not unheard of at all. Like most NHS things though, they will tend to discount it if not obvious, so you may need to direct them towards this and push. Alternatively, I’m guessing you could have an initial private consultation to get the ball rolling? Everyone I know you goes private seems to have started peri earlier 😂!

I'm 37 and apparently experiencing premature menopause - based on blood test results. I'm permanently knackered, it's a load of shit. Still bf my 16 month old so no dr's will investigate or help either.

Reading all these posts about how it will get better when the kids are older... god I hope so!😭

Your mother measuring everyone by the size of their waist she does sound incredibly superficial, and shallow to me, this is ‘support’ you can well do without. I would be keeping my children away from such a toxic influence. It will impact them as they get older and understand what she is saying.

The only friend I know that did that was anorexic, and didn’t eat throughout her pregnancy, the baby was born so early with a heart defect, and has never fully recovered. I would rather a healthy child personally.

17 month old and I’ve put on 3 stone. And only some of that was during in pregnancy, a lot has been since going back to work. It’s so hard to have the energy to exercise. After the relentlessness of parenting, working, cooking etc. And I say that with a DH that more than pulls his weight. I’m trying my best to make good choices with regards to food and exercising as much as I can but sometimes life gets in the way. I try to be kind to myself and acknowledge my body’s been through a lot and still is with breastfeeding. I’ll get there eventually but it’s going to take some time. The only person body shaming me and putting pressure on me to lose it is my own mother! She had kids much younger than I did and came home from giving birth at the hospital in her pre pregnancy jeans. She acts like she’s lost all respect for me which is really hard to deal with. Though she admits I’m a great mum but that doesn’t quite measure up to my unemployed 7 years younger sister being a size 8.

Sunshine really does make a difference!

I also have a toddler and it’s also aged me however I finally feel I’m getting a bit of bounce back, mainly by getting OH to help out more in evenings so I now go to the gym a few times a week. I also take a bunch of supplements including marine collagen which really has made a difference to hair. I also do a kind of moderate Keto plus light fasting.

It's not only about size. I'm still the size 10 I always was, I just look like shit in a sack now.

I did wonder that myself, but from reading on here I'm not likely to be taken seriously as I'm under 40🤷

And don’t be disappointed when it makes zero difference!

Eat your beetroot, drink your carrots, go for walks without phone / AirPods ( take baby and phone in pram if you must), sit in the sun for 20 min daily without sun protection, nourish your body, start adult ballet classes for posture, change hair colour if yours won't catch. And ditch the UPFs.

Until I had children I always looked young for my age.

My eldest is 6 and on the last 5 years I've aged well over a decade, maybe more. It's not just sleep, it's hormones, I'm now in perimenopause, I can't shift weight, my boobs have sagged from breastfeeding, hair is dry and frizzy, cystic acne has returned and my wrinkles are deep!

I won't be doing any tweakments, but it's been very confronting. I can't bear to see myself on photos. Sometimes I notice guys my own age (early 40s) in the street and realise that I'm utterly invisible to them.

Thank you to the various PP who tagged me and left kind comments 💐

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad about yourself OP but hopefully the many lovely comments here have helped. As well as practical tips, there’s something rather wonderful in a community of women who have all had their own pregnancy and childbirth experiences coming together in solidarity.

I actually love this thread. So many beautiful comments. Everyone here gets it.

Knowing that it’s not just you, and that you’re not doing something “wrong” is sometimes all you need to know.

Give your body time to heal and be kind to yourself as you wade through the Lego and snot-filled toddler years. You will find your way back to feeling beautiful, even if it’s not the same as before.

Failing that, when you look in the mirror just whisper “I am a blue tit….” 😂😂💐

And on that note, I leave you with this….

No advice, just solidarity OP. I used to be really pretty before having children and now my face is puffy from a lack of sleep, I’ve gained weight (only up a dress size, but it does me no favours), my hair is thin and grows in weird angles thanks to postpartum hair loss. Obviously wouldn’t change any of it for my two DC but it’s truly shocking sometimes the effect of kids on your looks… I’m still trying to come to terms with it four years after having my eldest!