To not go on this holiday?

You 're scheming about declining an invitation you haven't received?

Is there a tiny possibility that you've caused some of the drama in DH's family?

It's not her role to decide for her DH, but she can have an opinion and doesn't have to go along with what he wants.

I personally wouldn't go, why bother going on holiday with people you've never got along with...just because they are family? Nah

I think you should message and say can we please have our money back.

It is up to your DH to decide how and if he wants to keep up his relationship with his brother. Your sole role is to support him in whatever decision he makes. You never ever have to visit the brother or go on holiday with him.
If they come to you agree house rules beforehand with your DH that he can then agree with his brother, and then your sole role (if you want to be there) is to smile and play nicely.

But it isn't your role to decide that for your DH. Make sure you get the money back and don't let yourself get in the ridiculous position of letting someone book something when you don't know the cost/ground rules upfront.

Absolutely. Just accept they don’t get on, and that if they want to work on their relationship, it’s up to them to decide this and do it one-on-one without inflicting this aggression and willy-waving on the rest of their families.

Yanbu, and stop trying to be the peacemaker between the two brothers. Their relationship is for the two of them to sort out.

I think as a partner we take more responsibility for “keeping family together” but ultimately it’s between the brothers to see what relationship is there now they’re adults.

Also it’s not like it has to be a never see each other, but rather just don’t force it frequently. Meet occasionally at the zoo/ beach with the kids, send a text once in a while, maybe take the pressure off talking about “family” and leading to arguments and instead find some common ground again as brothers - could they just send things like funny videos etc to each other and try and find a way to like each other before adding in pressures of family gatherings. The losing the temper in front of the kids can’t happen, but only you know if this is the result of them being totally incompatible (is brother just generally aggressive ) or was it just a heightened clash in the moment.

But I do think given their current state that holidays on top of each other just won’t be helpful or enjoyable for anyone. Don’t take it personally or feel guilt on your part either; you’re not unreasonable to not want your baby around that atmosphere, nor is it your job to fix. You’ve done more than enough facilitating, now it’s up to the brothers.

I wouldn't go away with them now. He probably will re-invite you as he won't want to give back any money. Do not give him the satisfaction of accepting crumbs. I would also distance yourselves from him You sound too involved in each other's lives.

I wouldn't go get your money back and just do your own thing the brothers don't have to get on do they?

My Dh and his brother don't really get on
that well all the kids are adults now but it broke down years ago because they "tried" for the kids it really was pointless their relationship wasn't great and kids just wasn't going to mend it which is a shame, but the families dynamics ran deep. We see them occasionally but not for long because it's too tense and they definitely wouldn't manage a holiday.

It sounds like short visits might be better going forwards so definitely don't go on this holiday as you will all be together for ages.

I would send a nice message though along the lines of 'We have made other plans, have a great time, we will see you when we get back'

I would definitely not go. But also, if I was on the other side of this, I wouldn't be re-inviting you either.

Nobody wants a holiday when bad feeling could flare up and spoil it for everyone.

I'm future, if you manage to salvage the relationship, maybe don't agree to go on holiday. A couple of hours together every now and then is probably enough.

You saying you want them to keep the relationship is quite naive and I don’t understand the desperation to be close just because people are siblings. They didn’t get on before you had kids and children never make situations easier (despite the joy they bring) they were always bound to inflame any underlying tensions because people want the best for/ around the children and it doesn’t sound like the brothers can be their best selves around each other. They clearly clash, clearly wouldn’t choose to be friends if they weren’t related and I think you’ll just be forcing both kids into volatile situations their entire childhoods if you continue pushing it.

Give them space, you’re not unreasonable to back away and just reassess if there’s an actual relationship there or do you all just feel you “should” like each other. Surround your child with friends and family members whose company you enjoy instead.

Definitely don’t go. How’s it been arranged? Will you get your money back? The brother sounds like very hard work and if DH wants to pull right back then respect that.

No, don’t go even if they ask you to. He sounds like a control freak.