To think you can't stop your teenage daughter wearing so much make-up?

Your reply to your friend should be ‘I don’t want to be controlling of my dd, I like the fact she is free to express herself’

Your ‘friend’ is being pious. The more you come down on teens of this age; the worse they will be. Trust me. Save your battles for something that really matters and champion a relationship without judgement - your dd is already subjected to so much judgment as it is by having the temerity to be a teenage girl and breathe. Be her biggest supporter and don’t let anyone undermine her.

I say no to very obvious make up for school, and apart from that Ieave her to it and try and offer helpful suggestions such as, “That looks great but maybe blend around the edges”, or “I find that type of mascara clumps easily, why don’t you try this one of mine?” and “young skin like yours doesn’t need foundation but this product gives a bit of a glow instead” as a way of trying to be tactful and not sent her confidence.

I also buy some good quality products, say they are for me, leave them around and then she tries them.

It was an absolute no to false eyelashes for a while as they looked ridiculous, and that is the only thing I have really put my foot down with - but then I bought her some of the individual and more natural looking ones, and she got the hang of them so they do look lovely & natural now, which was a relief as the other ones looked bloody awful 🙈

Ignore your friend. Her issues are not yours. Choose your battles. Make up really isn’t the one.

Not for school, of course, but otherwise… let it go. As others have said, it’s a bit of autonomy, some creative expression, something of her own. Teens experimenting with make up, clothes, shoes, their “look” - or not, as they choose - is part of exploring who they are.

There will absolutely be times to put your foot down. This isn’t it.

By taking her to Superdrug and chatting through purchases and sharing the experience you are building your bond with her. She will feel seen as a teen, rather than a child, which will help in the future for sure. Sounds like you are building a really positive relationship together!

They’re at an age where experimenting with how they present themselves and how they navigate an overwhelming, often problematic aspect of our culture is natural and necessary. They need space and gentle support to figure out how they will move through it.

No way would I be suggesting to my 14yo dd that by having a go with fake tan or make-up she becomes partly responsible for the cultural messaging around it. That is a heavy burden to put on a young girl, and also kind of a joyless way of relating to your daughter.

In a world that often treats girls and women badly while simultaneously blaming them for it, I would rather she knows that I am a judgement-free zone.

My daughter wore loads cakes on so I booked us a makeover afternoon at make up counter and once they did it and we bought lovely products ( not expensive boots no7) she got the hang of how to do it naturally.
I went with it bigger battles to fight than a teenager experimenting

I think you have to pick your battles and to a degree they all need to make mistakes as we did with makeup and clothes.

DDs are 19 and 15 and DD1 in particular went through that awful thick eyebrow orange phase but wears natural looking makeup now, as does DD2.

I was experimenting with makeup from a young age in the 1980s (well before my teens) and I don't think it did me any harm.

YANBU.
I definitely agree with limiting social media use for young teenagers, the more time they spend staring at others' made up faces the more they'll want to layer up their own.
The most important thing, I feel, is to set a good example and not obsess about your own appearance.
It might not feel like it, but a teens are most influenced by their parents. It's normal to rebel and experiment as a teen, but if your child sees that you're at ease with your imperfections, that will ultimately be what feels normal to them.
My older daughter went through a phase of spending hours doing her makeup but now at age 17 she mainly goes out with just mascara (apart from parties, etc). My nearly 14 year old seems to be spending less time in front of the mirror now than a couple of months ago, so hopefully...

At 14 I would let it go. It’s not the 50s and they need something to have control over

You could try and stop them (and fail a lot- they will just keep their makeup at their mates of whatever, and learn to lie to you)- but what would be the point?!

It’s makeup, not hard drugs. She will go about looking like a fool for a bit possibly (although a lot of teenagers do makeup well these days), but it won’t scar her for life.

I would LOVE to know how to stop them! I let my daughter do what she wanted but would advise her if it looked ridiculous. I would just say for eg "you might want to blend it in at the edges a bit"...
She's toned it RIGHT down now. It's no longer a novelty. She still puts foundation and concealer on her spots as she is extremely self conscious but the eyeshadow and ridiculous bronze/blush has gone. They realise for themselves.
These "I just wouldn't let them" parents.... Good on you... I did try that but we would have had tears, shouting, slamming doors, being late for school... And for what? Because Im not keen on how she's chosen to look? Not worth it (unless you have a rare placid teen!!) Being lenient in my case worked better and avoided bust ups.

Also I say this as someone who also wears a full face of makeup before I leave the house. I suspect my view would be different if I myself had the confidence to go bare faced.

YANBU, I remember at 14 getting my hands on some Dream Matte Mousse (who remembers that?) which was about 4 shades too dark and proudly trowelling it on for school. After about a week I realised it looked awful and went for something a bit more natural!

maybe you learn where you live is true

Sometimes. My mum always wore makeup so to me it’s the norm. One of my friends’ mum always wore it too but she never has.

Friends can be so annoying with their sanctimonious parenting. You can only influence your children so far and they all go through different stages. It is normal to experiment with make up etc and God forbid - tattoos and piercings as they get older. I had a friend who said 'your daughter would look so much better without all that make up'. I wonder how she would have felt if I had said 'your daughter would look a lot better with some make up'. My reply is always that as long as they are not smoking or on drugs and are happy, I really don't care.

Oh ffs, she’s 14. She knows her own mind - make up is not a hill to die on. She’ll sneak it out of the house and wear it anyway! Which is what the DD of your ‘friend’ is doing, lol.

Yes, realised that on re-reading. Well, probably the friend will have a different ‘thing’ to deal with at some point with their teen. I’d not take heed of their judgement.

At 14 I wouldn't be allowing a load of fake tan and nor would I be allowing a face full of make up for school. Same goes for false eyelashes and nails. Not at 14.

Yes, you could (should be able to at 14 anyway imo) stop/control it.

I think you could maybe stop thinking of it as a way for her to cover herself up and more to enhance what she has.
I've always worn makeup but it was never because I wasn't happy with how I looked, I just love makeup. Perfume too but not because I'm hiding a smell. So telling her looks aren't important and she looks beautiful without makeup may have the opposite effect of what you're trying to achieve. Makeup isn't to hide a face.
You're not a shit mam btw. But makeup isn't the most terrible thing she could be doing 🙂

I’m not into skincare, makeup, fake tan or much else in the way of grooming. So I model the ‘it’s not necessary’ every day. My teen looooves all of the above. Which is fine, tbh. My DH tells her she doesn’t need it. I just tell her she looks amazing when she does (& she pretty much always does, power of youth) whether she’s wearing makeup or not.

I just don’t think it’s a moral issue. In the same way if they wanted to be a goth, or choose clothes I wouldn’t dare, it’s not my decision. Autonomy over your appearance is important. Yes, filter and adapt for circumstances (not at school, formal occasions require different dress than casual etc) but mostly we worry too much and should just let them experiment.

She says in the Op that the friend has a teenage daughter.

It is possible to limit it though my dd never wore makeup in the week she would some weekends now as a young adult she still doesn't wear makeup but I'm clean faced at 49 so maybe you learn where you live is true

Is she allowed that much make up on at school at 14?

You buy the make up? Do you take her to Boots/ Superdrug? That's fine.
But you should own your behaviour. Personally I think fake tan at 13/14 is too young.
Nothing to do with the chemicals, it's the message that we send to ourselves and other girls / women re: make up.

I wouldn’t go out barefaced when I was 16 and that’s 54 years ago. I still wouldn’t. It’s completely normal to experiment at her age. Just make sure she has a decent cleanser and takes it all off before she goes to bed.

Has your friend got a teen dd?

I think it's a case of picking your battles that said where is she getting the money to but loads of make up?

At 14 I think it's fine to say no to buying tons of unnecessary products.

Presumably she can't wear a ton of makeup at school - so it's only at home/leisure time that she is doing it?

For what it's worth I was banned from using makeup as a teenager. Being an obedient and compliant (and a worn down by my parents shouting) teen I did just this. I didn't have any money to buy my own either, which was another way of preventing me from wearing any. However, my experience of my teens' friends being banned from doing things is that they just get sneaky about it (i.e. she'll go out barefaced and put the makeup on round a friend's house).

I'd suggest 14 is prime experimentation age. My experience of my own DD is tha she went mad for a year or so, then basically got bored of it and didn't wear any at all for a while; now (18) she wears mascara a lot but only other makeup if she's going out to a party/night out. I suspect that "stopping" her wearing it at 14 would only make her more determined now!