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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to discourage this man?

34 replies

Iknowaguywhostoughbutsweet · 24/06/2024 09:22

It's someone I work with, I sense he may be interested, but I'm not.
I'm normally the type to just say 'im sorry but I'm not interested ' but he hasn't asked me out/said he likes me so he could easily turn round and say 'Oh I only wanted to be friends.'

We have nothing in common, we've both been to 1 or 2 of the same countries, that's it. I mean we don't have any similar interests.
He knows nothing about me, apart from my age. He's never asked anything about my background, interests etc.
He asked me once where I live, then forgot and asked the next day.

It's not even like we're having really interesting or fun conversations, it's just small talk but he keeps forcing it. And I can't cope with the constant use of was instead of were 'What was you gonna do' and the use of your instead of you're.

He went on holiday and sent me a picture of his feet to show me sunburn? Like why on earth did I need to see a pic of his feet, I barely know the guy.

This is my fault because I started chatting to him on the basis of friendship, but I've clearly given the wrong impression. I've also noticed his closest friends at the office are women with long blonde hair under 25, and he's 40.

He hasn't done anything wrong and I know I'm being harsh, I just don't see the point of this constant inane, forced chat on WhatsApp.

I don't like slow fading, I wouldn't like it done to me. What to do?

OP posts:
BIWI · 24/06/2024 09:31

And stop worrying about offending him! He's offending you, isn't he? And I bet he's not in the least bit worried about that.

VaddaABeetch · 24/06/2024 09:30

Just ignore him. Smile, nod, walk off. Don’t answer WA, not that hard. He’ll move on to somebody else.

BIWI · 24/06/2024 09:30

So what if he tells people you've ghosted him?! Don't #BeKind. You have no obligation to encourage this at all, if it's not what you want.

Did you take him up on the picture of his feet? You should have made it very clear that it was inappropriate and unwanted.

Iknowaguywhostoughbutsweet · 24/06/2024 09:29

Andwegoroundagain · 24/06/2024 09:28

But you've done it for everyone not just for him.
Just say that you're trying to minimise screen time/phone distractions so have switched off all alerts etc. Loads of people do it

That's a good idea, maybe I'll have to.
We also have Teams instant messaging, I'm worried he'll message me on that when I get back to work.

OP posts:
Andwegoroundagain · 24/06/2024 09:28

Iknowaguywhostoughbutsweet · 24/06/2024 09:27

I may have to, just fear it'll be awkward at work. He might tell people I 'ghosted' him etc.

But you've done it for everyone not just for him.
Just say that you're trying to minimise screen time/phone distractions so have switched off all alerts etc. Loads of people do it

Iknowaguywhostoughbutsweet · 24/06/2024 09:27

Andwegoroundagain · 24/06/2024 09:26

Yep. Just turn off the blue read ticks and turn off last online. So he can't tell if you have read messages etc.
He'll get bored

I may have to, just fear it'll be awkward at work. He might tell people I 'ghosted' him etc.

OP posts:
Andwegoroundagain · 24/06/2024 09:26

Yep. Just turn off the blue read ticks and turn off last online. So he can't tell if you have read messages etc.
He'll get bored

Iknowaguywhostoughbutsweet · 24/06/2024 09:26

OnionPond · 24/06/2024 09:25

So this is all happening on WhatsApp? Just don’t reply any more.

It is mainly as I've been on holiday and he was on holiday before me, so it's been a couple of weeks. I just feel bad not replying because we work together and have mutual friends, so I feel a bit trapped into a corner.

OP posts:
OnionPond · 24/06/2024 09:25

So this is all happening on WhatsApp? Just don’t reply any more.