Met his ex now I'm really sad

Love, you are young and have so much ahead of you. Don't tie yourself to someone less than ideal due to an accident.
This pregnancy is major. Babies are EXPENSIVE and very, very, very hard work. Your life won't be the same again.
Sounds like you will quickly become a single mother and that is SO HARD.
No more spontaneous... Anything really for the next many years.
Make sure you really REALLY want this (if you even do ... Sounds like not). Even in a loving relationship where the pregnancy is planned it is enough to almost break you.
Take care and think of what you want from your life x

…the only place you are competing with her is in your head.

She’s an ex for good reasons, they weren’t compatible. If he was in it for the looks, he might still be in it, but he wasn’t, he wanted something different.

There will always be people around who are thinner, taller, funnier, richer etc .. it doesn’t make them better people, or more worthy of love.

You should be your own cheerleader.

You sound insecure and jealous

And I think that stems from this guy not being right for you.

A guy who cares about you deeply would never say or do things which play into aspects of yourself you are unhappy about.

You've not been together very long. This is the honeymoon period, the best it will ever get. Can you honestly say this guy brings out the best in you?

Stop asking questions that you won’t like the answer to. He’s being honest with you and you’re making yourself insecure.

I'd never ask anyone any of those questions because I don't want to know the answers. But I assume that if someone asks meanyquestion its because they want an honest answer and not to be fobbed off or lied to for the purpose of soothing their ego. So I am honest.
👏👏👏
Yes, this.

OP, I also had a termination in my early 20s because I knew it wasn't the relationship I wanted to bring a child into and I didn't want to be a single parent at that stage.

I did end up a single mother a few years later (best laid plans and all that!), but I don't regret the termination and never have.

I agree with this.

He sounds so complicated and I honestly wouldn't want any ties to him. If you choose not to continue this pregnancy, I'd have a clean break with him.

You said you don’t want to bring a baby into your relationship and you don’t want to do it alone, I think you have your answer there.

Unless you tell him, but you have to prepare yourself for his opinion and it might not be what you want to hear. You’re making it his decision though still - hopefully you can separate this from your relationship. I’ve had an abortion when I was mid 20’s, it was definitely the right decision for me. But I chose what I wanted and left my partner at the time and moved on with my life.

Thats just my experience, just saying you can move on if that’s what you choose

I agree that you need to separate the pregnancy from the other issues and decide that first. It's not at all clear from your post how you feel about such a life-changing event at this point in your life.

I'm sure you know being ready to be a mother isn't just about whether you're with the right- or any- man. Do you have a good sense of how you'd make it work with your job and your longer-term life ambitions? And, as another poster asked, whether you'd get the support you'd need from outside your relationship if that didn't work out.

On him, I think you must know you're asking questions about his past that don't lead anywhere good and it does feel like something you need to mature out of. And so is thinking attractiveness levels are what ultimately keeps a relationship together- most people in the world aren't models and that's not what leads to real connection (or great sex), thank goodness.

Equally, his answers sound a bit thoughtless and as though he has some maturing to do too.

Please don't get stuck in a life you're not ready for because you're insecure and scared to be alone- you deserve better than that, and so does any child you bring into the world. Take some time to make the right decisions for you, and don't put some guy you haven't known for that long at the centre of them.

What you want matters- good luck.

He sounds like a tricky man to have a relationship with, let alone a baby …

I think this relationship is draining the positivity and confidence you will need in bucket loads to bring a new baby into the world. You ideally need a partner you fully trust and who you can rely on 100%, to continue your pregnancy. And you need to be emotionally and financially secure as a couple at the very least.

Why not confide in your family and get a bit of support while you figure this all out. I’m sorry you feel so sad at what should be an exciting time for you.

This.

Don’t have the baby unless you are prepared to raise it alone.

Don't have a baby in this situation. You aren't happy or head over heels
Or even close to that. You have been together not even a year.
If it were me id split from
Him and wait to meet a man who was crazy about me and that would be a wonderful father

This is not a good relationship, or one in which to have a child. I would end things, have a termination, and stay single for a while, while working on your self-esteem.

I have a slightly different take on him being immature. You asked the question. Some people ask about and share sexual history and are OK with that. Some people discuss who they fancy with their partner and are ok with that and vice versa. Some people know which celebrity their partner would cheat on them with and are OK with that and vice versa.

Some people don't.

Some people ask because they are genuinely curious, secure in who they are, find it (bizarrely) brings them closer together in a relationship.

If he is one of those people (you've already said he's more sexually confident and outgoing than you), he won't see anything wrong with having answered you honestly.

However, some people (you for example) ask almost as a form of self harm - they ask because they feel insecure and lack self esteem. If you asked in the early days, he wasn't to know you were one of those people and so answered honestly.

I'd never ask anyone any of those questions because I don't want to know the answers. But I assume that if someone asks me any question its because they want an honest answer and not to be fobbed off or lied to for the purpose of soothing their ego. So I am honest.

So.

His ex is actually irrelevant to a degree. Who she is, what she looks like, what she has etc all of that is irrelevant. You are a different person with your own unique set of qualities and you shouldn't be comparing yourself to her in any way. All of that is irrelevant.

What isn't irrelevant is how he feels.

I don't know if I'm who he wants or if he's just with me as I really preserved and after breaking up with someone so extraordinary, someone like me who's more plain and simple might be a nice change.

The only person who does know that is him.

11 months into a relationship is very soon to be pregnant. There are women who post on here who became pregnant early into a new relationship and are still together 20+ years later. I would imagine, though, that they are women whose relationship didn't feature such high levels of insecurity and low self esteem at this stage.

Your own insecurity is going to guarantee this relationship isn't going to last the distance. Neither of you can know after 11 months if you are really the person the other wants to spend the rest of their life with or raise a family with.

I agree with the poster who said that, if you go ahead with the pregnancy, it should be with the understanding that you are likely to end up a single mother and proceed with that in mind. Babies add extra pressure to relationships that are well established and strong. Let alone ones that are new and vulnerable.

This. Unfortunately I think he’s made it crystal clear you’re second best and he’s not over her, is that really the sort of man you want to be the father of your child? It will grind your self esteem further and further into the ground.

I’m sure you’re absolutely lovely and you have plenty of time to find a man who thinks you’re the bees knees and second to none to start a family with. Obviously it’s up to you but in your shoes I’d have a termination and move on to someone more worth your energy.

Asking to be told about the best sex he ever had is never going to make you feel great , it's in the past leave it there. You seem to be pressing for lots of information about his previous relationships when there is no need.

I have had amazing sexual chemistry in my life and never married them, or considered doing so. It’s like a firework and no basis for a life time together or a marriage. It’s exciting until it isn’t. A long term loving marriage needs to be based on more than a pretty face and fireworks in the bedroom.

Has he said he is in love with you?
Are you in love with him?

I imagine he feels emotionally unavailable and that is adding to your insecurity op.

After nearly a year if you are not in love, and nor is he, you are unlikely to be. I would move on. Choose a man that adores you and then start a family.

He told me that they had sexual chemistry that was just on another level and he never expects to find again.

Why do you know this? Why did you ask? And then why on EARTH did you stay with him after he said it.

In all honesty you're only 11 months in to knowing this man, I'd consider leaving if I were you.

I would also add that pregnancy can put a great deal of strain on a relationship before you even get to the newborn stage. My second pregnancy put strain on mine and we'd been very happily married for ten years.

You might feel like rubbish, no energy, sick as a dog. Men don't understand how bad pregnancy can be, even in a relatively good one you can still have days where you feel like utter rubbish and are completely exhausted from doing nothing. You really need a loving supportive partner.

The first trimester can make you feel incredibly vulnerable and self conscious so this will definitely be exacerbated by that!

I'm not sure if your boyfriend is a innocent idiot or picking at your insecurities - you'll have to gage that.

I don't think I could be with someone I don't have chemistry with - is that what you want long term? Would you be happy to have a baby and co-parent with this man for life even if you aren't together? Are your core values aligned?

Has he shown you that he is an honourable and responsible man in all aspects of his life? Does he ever show spite? You will tied together forever.

I think you should be thinking about whether this relationship is right for you and whether you want this baby (with or without him) - and not so much what he thinks and wants.

Forget thinking about the ex, put it in the fuck it bucket. Your baby needs to take priority here, focus on thinking about that for a few days cos the later it gets the more traumatic it will be.

I don’t know if he is the right guy for you or not, but whatever the case this ex is irrelevant. There is a reason she is an ex and I don’t think the things he says about her mean much at all, who knows what he is really thinking and what he thinks sounds good. Seriously wouldn’t give her a second thought.

You’ve got an important decision to make. Don’t be so focused on whether he really likes you or will be happy with you, that you lose sight of whether you really like him or will be happy with him. That’s the bit you really need to work out and leave his feelings up to him. If there is no chemistry and you feel insecure why are you so sure he’s right for you anyway? You should be with someone who makes you feel loved and safe.

How he reacts to the pregnancy will tell you most of what you need to know.