Met his ex now I'm really sad

You poor thing, it doesn’t sound like this is the perfect relationship or time in your life to be bringing in a new baby.

You’re still young. IMHO you would do well to discontinue the pregnancy, build your self esteem, find your life partner for whom YOU should be the one they always wanted (and are not second best / settling for) and vice versa. He is out there and you will feel totally different when you are with him.

Don’t ruin your life and settle into young single motherhood to a man who doesn’t love and adore you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking about someone's best sexual experience, for me it's a good way to get to know what they are into. Same for asking if they feel they have a one who got away - I do too and I don't expect to be their first love.

There is plenty wrong with asking if it becomes a stick with which to beat him and/or yourself with.
It’s a bad way of finding out what they are into- because each couple is unique, and it looks to close down the possibilities that are open only to you and him.

One who got away- also a terrible question: it just means “flog me with a name so I feel awful”

For the future, I don't think those are good questions to get to know what someone likes. Why are you trying to compete or recreate the best sex he's had with someone else, in a relationship that didn't last? Instead you could ask something like what his fantasy sex would look like, or what he would like to try with you, or even simply what it is that he enjoys the most interesting bed. That way you're not bringing exes into it at all, you're not comparing yourself to anyone, and you're setting him up thinking about what he can share with you. Same with the "one who got away" that really implies that he still wants to be with this person. Instead why not ask if he's ever been in love before, or experienced heartbreak or a painful end to a relationship.

In your position I wouldn't keep the man or the baby. You're so young and have not been together long.

This is what I would do, and is in no way me pushing for you to do the same.

I would end the relationship, end the pregnancy and seek to work on my self esteem.

You’re very, very insecure. His honesty has hurt you and you’re trying to compete, and failing, with your perception of his objectively perfect ex. No one is perfect. But at the root of this is an insecure and unhappy woman, which will never lead to a successful relationship.

You’re young, you’ve time to work on how you feel about yourself, make a success of yourself, and once you’re happy and value yourself, a relationship will be rewarding.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work tbh. Rather then reassuring you and making you feel special he’s told one girl was the one that got away (which would be a deal breaker for me) and then girl from the wedding, he’s done nothing to make you feel like the most special thing to him.

An abortion is a temporary sadness that will pass, you’ll look back in a year or twos time and be glad you done it. I don’t think I’d choose to live life as a single mum or spend my life with someone who made me feel shit, just because I was pregnant. I also wouldn’t want to make him feel like he had to be with me just because I was pregnant, I’d want someone to be with me for me - not a baby.

OP I think you’re in a tender place at the moment there’s a lot of complex emotion going on.

I will say that you asked ‘what’s the best sex you ever had’ rather than asking him more directly what he likes in bed. To me this signals that you have a slightly masochistic urge to compare yourself to other people. This is compounded by the way you even compare your perceived attractiveness to his. It seems like you are insecure about how others perceive him, and you. You’re the only person who can know what to do about the pregnancy, but it seems like there’s a great amount of self esteem work that would benefit you.

If she was the one for him they would still be together. Remember that.

Also a word of advice I’ve picked up over the years.

Don’t ask your partner questions that you may not want to hear the answer to. She may be the best sex of his life but you really didn’t need to know that.

I’m sorry you’re having a shit time. You sound like you are very insecure and have major self esteem issues.

Why do you keep asking this man questions about his ex? The best sex he’s ever had? Questions like these are just lose lose because you likely won’t like the answer. If he was honest and said his ex, you’d be upset. If he lied and said you, you wouldn’t believe him anyway!

On another note, he seems like a bit of a twat. There’s no way I’d be with a man if he referred to his ex as the one that got away and the best sex of his life. How insensitive and tone deaf. You deserve to be with someone who thinks the sun shines out your backside!

If it were me, I'd seriously consider if I were ready for parenthood.

I'd think I was young and I could have a baby once I was more settled and ready for that stage in my life emotionally and financially.

You'd benefit from counselling to help you decide how to proceed and also counselling for your low esteem.

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. For example we are told that models are beautiful and for decades magazines have pushed us into aspiring to be like them.

Some of the things they have I find quite the opposite to attractive. A big gap between the front teeth, knobbly bones in the chest and back prominent, no chest to speak of, no bum to speak of. I don't find any of those things attractive.

I also think we all know someone who thinks they are ugly but they are so not ugly at all. Or a couple and ones a four and the other a nine. And they are quite happy together because they see things through their eyes.

Oof his answers about best sex and the one that got away etc are very tricky for you to hear...it's hard when you have low self esteem.

I just wanted to message and say I have a friend who feels like you - she doesn't fit all the 'conventionally physically attractive' boxes and has low self esteem as a result.

She is chatted up more than ANYONE I know because her personality is fun - she IS incredibly attractive, because attraction is not just based on the shape of your nose or your eyes, it's based on your whole soul. And the same friend has just passed her 15 year anniversary with her boyfriend - the same boyfriend whose ex girlfriend was stunningly beautiful, proper head turner, and who she felt was out of her league initially.

It's really hard, but, he's with you because he wants to be. Try and let him choose you, if that's what he wants to do.

I think OP you have bigger issues here, like the fact that the father of your future child lives in a house share. How will that work?

Also your comment about competing with her, you don't have to compete with her. Nowhere is that competition happening other than your head.

I'd talk to him explain seeing his ex and knowing she's the one that got away and beautiful has left you feeling insecure. Ask him if he's serious about you and if he sees a future. Then try to work things out from there

I agree with this, to say 'he never expects to find again' was bloody awful. I'd give him his freedom to go and find that because if he was happy with your sex life, he wouldn't have said that

Why not just ask him what he likes in bed? Why would you ask about 'the best sex he's ever had' it seems immature to me. Also asking if they feel there's 'one who got away' - that's a very odd thing to ask if you already a bit insecure - especially if you then end up meeting them. It's adds nothing to your relationship. Ask about their other relationships but 'the one that got away' is more that that - someone they still hold a torch for and wish things could have been different with.

I don't think either of you are in the right place or with the right person to have a baby. It's not something that's even been discussed between you. He lives in a house share, you've never lived together, where do you live? Do you have supportive family and friends to help you if you end up going it alone? Please don't underestimate how difficult and isolating having a baby can be.

Single motherhood is very hard, yes, but so is having an abortion you don’t want to have.
Maybe pregnancy hormones messing with your head right now.

Take it easy, OP, is there anyone you can reach out to IRL for support and advice? x

Dont degrade yourself OP.
He is either actively trying to make you insecure at worst , or it doesn't particularly bother him at best.

His ex didnt like him much, and hes deliberately making sure you know you're second best. You don't even feel excited or confident having sex with him. Nor would I tbh.
How fucking dare he. What a loser. Im not surprised someone with more confidence than you saw straight through him.

Google Rebbeca syndrome and Retroactive Jealousy.

This is not a man you want to be biologically tied to, to the rest of your life.

You sound like you have a lot of work on yourself to do, you don’t sound like you’re ready for a relationship. I won’t mention the pregnancy, only you can know whether or not you’d make a good parent.

OP, it is highly likely you are walking into single motherhood, is that what you really want?
It is not easy at all.
This relationship is not going to last, your lack of chemistry tells you that.

Focus on the things you can control, working on your low self esteem, sorting out decent contraception and not resigning yourself to single motherhood after a casual relationship.
He is hardly going to welcome this news.
Think of your future and what you want for it.

I’ve had another level sexual chemistry with a guy that seemed like everything - handsome, athletic, intelligent, talented, funny, compassionate and kind and very good at communicating his emotions too.

Even him said it was magical. Honestly when we were together it seemed like the time stopped. We were in a world of our own. During sex, our bodies were just perfect together.

BUT our lifestyle and what we were looking for from a relationship was completely different and things between us would never have worked out long term. And I’m sure after having maybe a few more months of hot sex the cracks would show up as we were imcompatible in many ways.

Honestly I don’t expect to find that kind of chemistry with anybody else because it never happened before him nor after. It would be lovely if it did and the person was also the right package.

TBH, I wish I have never met him. We parted on good terms but we don’t talk because there is nothing there apart from some memories that are fading and the sense that it was too unique.
If we met at a party, I’d be civel but glad it didn’t work out as I know the sex would not make a relationship with him sustainable.

No, it’s not just admirable honesty that he told you he had sexual chemistry with another woman he ‘never expects to find again’. That’s cruel and pointless.

This is not a good relationship OP and anyone would feel insecure in it - nothing to do with his ex, but to do with how he has expressed himself to you.

Ask yourself this: would you rather he lied?

It strikes me that many guys would've stuck with the previous GF and ridden the gravy train along with sex life and surface-level looks. He didn't...which begs the obvious question: why?

The obvious answer, of course, is "because he's not looking for that", and - given that you're out of the initial "get to know each other" phase of the relationship and he still appears to be completely honest with you about potentially damaging stuff - he's probably in for the long-haul.

And he's still chosen you, despite what you see as all your negative qualities relative to her. Taking your assessment of him, he's obviously got many choices, and...say it with me now...he's still with you.

It's quite telling how so many folk on here are saying "ditch him" when this is actually the kind of behaviour that builds long-term relationships - he trusts you enough to be able to tell you these things without it becoming a catastrophic relationship-ender. Binning him off at the first sign of difficulty is precisely how you become one of the many bitter people on here in their 30s and 40s bemoaning the fact that there are no good men around.

The adult thing to do is to respond to his honesty with honesty of your own instead of asking a bunch of women you've never met what you should do with your relationship (and pregnancy).

Firstly, I'm really sorry you feel this way OP, it sounds very tough and adding an unexpected pregnancy into the mix is very difficult.

What jumps out for me from your post is the impact that your low self esteem and unhelpful thinking styles are having on you. You are seeing the situation entirely through your faulty lens, if that makes sense, which is leading to you making upsetting assumptions about what is going on in this guy's head.

You say that he is poor at understanding and communication his own emotions. Is he really? Or is his communication style just different to yours? Perhaps he is very comfortable in his own skin and in his relationship with you, and doesn't feel the need to (over) analyse everything.

You've forced him into disclosures that he didn't feel the need to make, and then you're attributing to them the importance that you think they have. You're making huge leaps about what he thinks and feels, and joining up dots based on your own beliefs.

"The one that got away" and all this dwelling on the best sex ever is language you've imposed on him. So what if his ex was a great shag? Nothing you've said in your post makes it sound like he's the one stuck in the past. Doesn't he deserve to move on and have a new, enjoyable and rewarding relationship? Did he make a big deal about missing the sexual chemistry he enjoyed with his ex, or are you projecting your insecurities on to him?

(Incidentally, the chemistry was far more likely to be down to the frisson of the "worlds colliding" situation you describe, rather than exclusively down to her physical attractiveness).

Very, very gently, OP, you don't sound that you are in a good place to be in this, or any, relationship right now. I think you need to work on your self esteem and fix your brooding, black and white, catastrophic thinking styles.

Obviously the decision regarding the pregnancy is extremely personal and not something that strangers on the internet can advise you on. Best wishes with whatever you decide.

This.

You don’t do this. My partner (we are much older on our 50s) he has no idea how many people I have slept with - I believe although I would not ask that he has only slept with one - his wife who died 3 years ago they were together from age 18.

I’ve been around the block multiple times. I love sex as does he, but we agreed early on not to discuss what we had done with other people. He has talked about his wife and he loved her beyond anything.

Regarding this pregnancy are you prepared to go it alone?