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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Resent my “entitled” sons

162 replies

Toffeelover · 23/06/2024 21:38

I have been a high earner all my life but am now retired (post cancer). Split up with my kids Dad 13 years ago. He never worked post a serious illness (20 years ago)and suffered from depression and addictions so I was always the main bread winner. He lives hand to mouth.
I married again to a wealthy man and we had a good lifestyle but he left me 18 months ago. I’m negotiating a divorce settlement which will mainly provide for my housing and I will live off whatevermy own private pension will provide. I’m 61
i had children late & have 3 DS aged 23,22 and 17.
I’ve always been frugal and a saver but I find the attitude of 2 of my sons quite shocking.
They often ask for takeaways (I say no but their Dad will always provide them) and I’ve just taken them on (admittedly) the last paid for family holiday as they’ve finished their finals/A-Levels.
The problem is, here on holiday, they want the high life and for me to pay. They ask to go to restaurants where it’s €20 per cocktail and they knock them back and also to order expensive food where the bill is €125- €150 per head.
This is a holiday and I’m happy to pay for value but I feel they’re taking the piss a bit.
i think I brought them up better to know the price of things and to value the odd treat, not to take it for granted.
AiBU?

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 23/06/2024 21:57

Why are you paying for all this? Just say no, I can’t afford it. Don’t entertain even going in to those places.
FWIW I have adult sons myself and can’t imagine them asking or expecting such expensive treats. Are yours doing it because that is what they are used to?
Do they understand your circumstances- it might need spelling out.

pasta · 23/06/2024 21:57

They're your kids, I don't really understand why you can't just say no, that's out of budget. If that's not going to work for you then take them to cheaper places.

Original poster
Toffeelover · 23/06/2024 21:56

Dillydollydingdong · 23/06/2024 21:43

You're not being unreasonable, but you must learn to say NO. I hope they had a good education and good careers so they won't carry on like this for ever more!?

Thank you. They have all just finished the education and are bright and should be able to have good careers.
I always draw the line at 3 cocktails but they complain and say “oh mum, you act like a poor person” which really f••s me off

OP posts:
BuggeryBumFlaps · 23/06/2024 21:53

You need to learn to say no and stick to it. Nothing wrong with explaining you can no longer afford to spend as you once did. At their age they should understand.

Sorry lads, can't afford x,y and z, how about we go to a, b or c?

Happy to go to X if you can pay for your own meals.

How about you come round to mine for tea, and we can go to yours next week.

Token gifts for Christmas and birthdays now lads. Bottle of gin/whisky or their fav tipple instead of spending ££&£s on them.

TemuSpecialBuy · 23/06/2024 21:53

This must be so sad and so disappointing...

In practical terms my mil does similar so im well versed in this game.

My response has been to go to worse/ cheaper places (initially places where even if she goes WILD she cant manage more than £50) to places where there are only £10-15 mains and no alcohol licence.
To not take her out at all and see if she offers.

I'd tell your feckless sons to go out for dinner on their own as you "arent hungry' then take yourself out somewhere decent or get in some yummy room services.

Raiseyourglass24 · 23/06/2024 21:51

What happens if you say, We’re not having cocktails this evening as it’s too expensive? Or if you told them the budget for a meal out?

MumChp · 23/06/2024 21:51

Say no like most of us.
We can't afford drinks €20 or food €125/150. I don't think we are poor. Just avarage.

QueenMegan · 23/06/2024 21:50

Just say no.
Do they work

OperationGoldDawn · 23/06/2024 21:48

ill admit id love a no limits credit card, that said even if i had a no limit credit card, id still be shopping for yellow label items, prices these days are omg at best of times

Tel12 · 23/06/2024 21:47

You're paying so you get to say where and what you eat. Sounds like they are quite happy for you to bankroll them. Guess that you are going to have to start pulling back.

Springwatch123 · 23/06/2024 21:46

I think you need to manage their expectations. If you had an expensive meal today, explain you’re having a takeaway tomorrow. Or you dictate what restaurant you’re going to.

Dillydollydingdong · 23/06/2024 21:43

You're not being unreasonable, but you must learn to say NO. I hope they had a good education and good careers so they won't carry on like this for ever more!?