Resent my “entitled” sons

You’re literally holding the purse strings so others shouldn’t be choosing the location or the spend. You’ve enabled spoilt behaviour if your sons are expecting to choose the venue then make you pay.

I’ve would have given them a budget and then they can choose how to spend the money.

Your money is ‘free’ their money needs to be thought about.

This was also my suggestion. Work out how much you can afford per person at the restaurant. Give them each that much in cash and let them work out what to order with it. But make it clear that’s a strict limit. Both avoids them taking the piss and teaches them how to budget/gets them used to paying.

As for them calling you poor, it might help to chat to them about what abject poverty’s really like. The amount (in fact, negative budgets for basics) so many families are living on in the UK right now. Citizens Advice have research. Not to mention the amount most families in the wider world have to survive on. Reining in how many cocktails you order at a restaurant certainly doesn’t make you poor. It makes you highly privileged.

IME this is common in young people of this age. I think social media’s partly to blame. Everyone appears to be living the high life and gross consumerism is celebrated. Kids need to use the internet to learn about the real world and what’s really valuable, e.g. health.

Tell them divorce is expensive.... presumably though yes they've lived a higher standard of living previously it's difficult to just turn it off. I'd have words and let them know that life is gone.

38 not late these days but yes they are brats and they despise poor people.hope nothing goes wrong for them in life

Just tell them no I went on my last family holiday abroad at 17. Was just a Euro camp. My mum paid for the holiday we rarely eat out couldn't afford to. My mum did provide my food we cooked in the tent. But anything else I had to pay for myself. I was on a YTS placement at the time. It went up to £35 when I was 17. I also had to give my mum £10 a week out of that. Out of what I had left I had to clothe myself with as well as socialise with friends and busfairs. I walked most places nobody in my family that lived local drove back then.

I was going to say exactly this.

I agree

They're not entitled, they're spoilt. I'm afraid this is on you, you need to set your boundaries and stick to them. Yes they're going to protest and say stupid stuff at first because they're used to walking all over you and up until now, all their manipulation and guilt tripping has worked a treat. Say no, mean it, shrug your shoulders and show them that you really don't give a shit if they're bothered by it. Just like you (hopefully) did when they were tantrumming toddlers.

I speak from experience, as a single mother of 2 young men with a deadbeat father. If they want expensive shit they earn the money and pay for it themselves.

“oh mum, you act like a poor person” which really f••s me off.

I am not surprised that you are feeling narked.
Being careful with money is not acting ‘poor’.

Lavish food & drink last night? Then cheese, crackers & bunch of grapes tonight (& maybe tomorrow) to even out the spending.

As you say, none of them have YET had significant financial responsibilities so maybe there is hope for their future fiscal stability. This is to be their last holiday en famille funded by Bank of Mum, do they know this?

Maybe they would like to see you enjoy yourself, treat yourself well & if that is the case, then it’ll be lovely that they treat you at least once before the end of the holiday. 😉

At that age my dad was still paying for me but used to get twitchy and complain if I breached what he was willing to pay for. Trying to order an expensive cocktail would have been refused but theg weren't a thing then.

I have been for countless meals with work and family where the parameters of what is acceptable has been made clear. Usually no starters or desserts, main but no sides, 1 drink, maybe 2. Anything else and I can buy it myself.

The cocktail thing is annoying though. Everyone is encouraged to drink these overpriced drinks. I do it myself but I'm starting to get fed up of them. I went out with work colleagues and they all ordered 2 mocktails in one lunch bringing me in way over budget. So now we can't go out again for longer. We'd have been better skipping the overpriced fruit juice and doing the lunch again sooner.

I think you just need to be clear that you're not prepared to spend £££ from now on. I agree it's not on to be so cavalier with someone else's money, so you do need to spell it out. It will make them more thoughtful in future (or you will have to keep reminding them!). They have obviously got used to and enjoyed your generosity and also thinking 'last holiday' means unlimited budget!

I think you might be being a little bit unreasonable. Maybe not, but you indicate that their expectations are ones set by you and your ex as your DSs have grown up. In which case resenting them for it isn’t really fair.

Do they understand about your change in circumstances and have they had to budget for themselves much? Their comment of “you act like a poor person” sounds like they really aren’t aware of how different your life is going to be from how it was as they were growing up.

They are young and haven’t had to really think about the impact of their spending on their long term future, it’s all been about the here and now with a not unreasonable expectation that their income will increase in the near future and with few real responsibilities. This sounds pretty normal for children brought up in a wealthy setting where budgeting and financial planning for a low income situation wasn’t drummed into them.

Some sensible advice up thread about setting budgets and giving them choices within that. I think being more up front with them about the financial situation would be healthy.

Same as mine too. They should have some spending money of their own then? Though my elder two would have blown it, and only the youngest is a saver - every £ is a prisoner though!!

I voted YABU because you should say no. You should set expectations before you go. If they want cocktails give them spending money for the week and the it's their choice how they spend it.

Maybe point out that if you had spent that way you would be a poor person, and so would they!

with their attitude then say with your attitude we will be etc

Listen, a lot of young people their age will take advantage if they can. I'm probably guilty of having been over-generous with mine too some of the time, and I don't have the means you do.

Do your sons have their own income, ie do they have the means to pay? One of mine does, and is generous. One has no income atm, one has a min wage PT job while studying.

If this is your last family holiday, I am sure you want it to be pleasant and memorable. In your shoes I might be a bit lenient. Maybe eat in less expensive restaurants, and cap the cocktails, or buy them one and then it's up to them.

I'm not sure it's worth creating waves if you only have a few days away together. Draw a line in the sand once you're home.

I’d be saying, well yes I will be a poor person soon, as I’m going to be giving all my money to charity, and don’t even think about getting a inheritance

I think YABU. You and their dad raised them this way.

I can remember saying something similar about my DD when she was a student - I was chatting with my brother and his husband and said that she earned nothing but expected to always eat and drink in the finest places. Later in the conversation I mentioned that when I visited her at uni we always had drinks and dinner in XXX v. famous and grand hotel. My very dear BIL raised an eyebrow and drawled 'I wonder where her expensive tastes come from?'

He was quite right. After that I pulled back a bit and her expectations adjusted accordingly.

Have you taught them the value of money OP? We live an affluent lifestyle but our children were always taught the value of money and to know their privilege. None of them would take us for granted the way your children are, your children sound quite brattish imo.

We really enjoy paying for holidays when we all go together as well as meals and drinks but they’d never expect it, they always offer to pay. Even if I meet any of them for a coffee or lunch they’re always first to pay. You’ve spoiled your children and they’re entitled. BUT you’ve created this, not them. Explain now you’re not married to a rich man you can’t afford to be paying for them.

This makes me think of the Jerry Seinfeld interview where he said his young daughter asked him, "Daddy, are we rich?" And he answered, "No, we're not rich. I'm rich. You're not." Time for some straight talking, OP.

They are old enough to understand that things have changed now you are divorced

be Frank with them, maybe see this as a last holiday as really this is obviously not sustainable

Say no or give them a budget once it's gone tough if dad pays not your problem